[state of the me] [brain weasels]
Mouth Powers
[state of the me] [brain weasels]
[state of the me] [brain weasels]
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been feeling miserable and burnt out for ??? idk a couple weeks now, I'm sorry to everyone I've been so slow with
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on the one hand I don't want to make big decisions when Period, but on the other hand I think maybe I should just drop Ama and go back down to the two with strong voices for a while
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and i need to figure out if I'm going to hiatus/handwave through this port or actually do anything
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I have so many of people's port posts open and I'm just ._.
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
<3
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ALSO Jedao's birthday is THURSDAY so I need to get my shit together before then!!!
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I feel so torn between "not tagging will make me feel sadder and more isolated" and "what if my misery bleeds into the writing and makes it OOC"
cacopheny
/sends love. I haven't even gotten posts up for my two, so
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BUT!!! I did!!! one tag!!!
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for you, haha
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tomorrow I have an 8-6 workday that starts with ICE girl and includes a parent meeting I'm not REALLY prepared for ._.
cacopheny
oh that sounds no fun at all =/
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if Student and I had ever been Healthy the same week in the last month
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I would have more sample work prepared
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I think probably it will be fine because his family is one of the ones that's like. Realistic about their kid's Whole Deal
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AND Spring Check In with my boss got moved to tomorrow
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so there's that Stress
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but also just, you know. /gestures broadly
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I'm just so scared and sad all the time, and I know everybody is
cacopheny
it's just one big background stress for everybody 
I'm trying to be more gentle with myself because I know it's there lurking. I hope you can, too
I'm trying to be more gentle with myself because I know it's there lurking. I hope you can, too
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I feel like I wasted all my fear and all my courage on so much stupid shit
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and now I'm just (waves hands) useless, you know?
cacopheny
I'm not a ton of use either. I can't protest or make lots of phone calls. definitely can't do anything direct like run for office. best I'm managing is finding good causes to send money to.
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....anyway for an extrememly funny picture of where my head is at
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please picture me in one sock and a constellation dress, at the kitchen counter trying to make some self care gaucamole and sobbing loudly "ALL THESE AVOCADOS ARE PERFECT, WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY"
cacopheny
aw hun
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anyway my brother gave me a big hug and I laughed about it
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and we put dried shiitake dust in the guacmole and that's STILL genius
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all six avocados WERE perfect
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never again will I have such a miracle
Jay
oh hon, I'm feeling all that so much... which reminds me, I need to formally drop. Because, yeah, not playing has made me feel sadder and more isolated but that doesn't change not having the brain for it. I hope dialing back to your 2 easier voices will help you <3
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....I have some half days this week
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I need to take one of them and just go to the sackler and sit in the peacock room
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I LIVE here but I haven't gone in years
Jay
yes, feed your soul
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this is magic to me
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I had a children's book about it when I was a kid
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and learning it was REAL was like
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a tiny bit of actually finding narnia, you know?
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
oh wow
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this book
Jay
wooooow
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okay I did a FEW tags
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tomorrow maybe noodle a post
Lady Stardust
this is so exactly how i've felt all winter
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/sits in a heap with you
Kira🌵
this is so real. take some self care time, it's very important!
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DONE WITH ICE STUDENT
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(today's admittedly less dramatic high point: her SCREAMING at me for being 'nosy' when told not to mute her mike during class. gurl maybe just stop having your dirty laundry arguments during classtime, problem fucking solved. (it will not be))
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BUT
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I don't have her again until friday!!!
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schedule changed so that I don't have a 10 hour day anymore :3
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now I get an hour of cheerfully making cold calls to soothe the mind ig
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PARENT MEETING: DONE
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and super positive, god I love this mom, she just knows what's up
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I feel like we are actually a TEAM for her kid
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thank you miss ma'am for being a balm this morning
cacopheny
aw yay :3
Jay
oh yay! Glad that went well, and that you get a break from aggro child and 10 hour days <3
Kira🌵
oh I'm glad the meeting went well!
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GOOD NEWS: finally got the promotion I've hoping for :3
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funny news: sleep deprivation + One (1) celebratory cocktail was enough to knock me the FUCK out for like 3 hours
Jay
Yay! CONGRATS!
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...thanks for hyphenating that, plurk
Jay
and clearly you needed that 3 hours
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also goat cheese gave one of his hints of being a future lap cat
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jumped into my lap this evening for pets for like 10 minutes solid
Jay
aw, good Mr. Cheese!
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anyway I do not have posts for port but tomorrow I will try to at least do a few starters or tag ins where things have been planned
pharadyne
Congratulations on promotion!
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
YAY for promotion!
Kira🌵
congratulations on the promotion!! and the lap cat promise ❤️
Kota
OMG PROMOTION!!!
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OKAY I have touched up the paint on Wall Two
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done laundry
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moved all the furniture around so that I can paint Wall Three
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loaded and run the dishwasher
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made myself some mushroom quesadillas (so good)
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now I have to put up all the tape
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put down the tarps
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paint wall 3 coat 1
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get my laundry from the dryer
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make bed and put away clothes
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maybe another kitchen cleaning pass
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DO PARTY TAGS
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(also accomplished: kitty litter, sweeping in room)
Jay
your to do list makes me tired... tho I remember a time it wouldn't have
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yours makes ME tired
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it's been, i want to say, years since I cooked anything that took more than 20 minutes
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taping done!!
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truly why the fuck did I decide to paint every wall in this room a different shade
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(but also will two walls done it's starting to hint how awesome it's going to look)
Jay
because it will be gorgeous and it will spark joy, and we all need all the serotonin we can get
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every different purple is so pretty
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WALL THREE COAT ONE: PAINTED
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now I have to clear enough dishes out of the sink to wash all the brushes and rollers
Jay
yay purple!
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brushes: washed
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unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher
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fetched the dry laundry and made the bed
shobogan
pls imagine my deeply excited thumbs up from my purple bedroom
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WALL THREE COAT TWO: PAINTED
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I THINK it doesn't need a third coat
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I SOCIALIZED (walked to my cousin's house for a brunch thing
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then we got art supplies at michaels and got zack some good new walking shooes
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cleaned up edges, painted coat 3
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unloaded and reloaded dishwasher
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made dinner
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(white girl quesadillas)
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OKAY EVERYONE
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I know I've been out of it but also
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if my next muse ends up being a failed children's TV presenter who turns out to be the crown prince of fairyland
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Adrian Tchaikovsky will have shit to answer for
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[narrows eyes at this book]
Jay
lol
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it's honestly amazing reading though his books and like. he's SO SUCCESSFUL, he could absolutely coast
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but I can SEE him continuing to grow as a writer
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the character work in chapter one of this book was SO good ??
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god I love this failboat already
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he's so english
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he's been kidnapped but they handed him tea. so now he can't jump out the window because. he might break the teacup???
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god he'd be so funny on the barge
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he'd be pulling out all his old Children's Programing Sharing Is Caring but he'd get to live the dream and start every segment with "listen up chucklefucks"
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"if spoiled seven year old child actors can get this I'm sure you can manage"
shobogan
omg. what kind of programme was it, were there puppets
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so far there are no details
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it seems like he's done a couple different things in the Cbeebies space
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I think it's deliberately No Real World IP Was Harmed In The Making Of This Narnia Send-Up
Kira🌵
oh man I think I read that one and it was glorious
pharadyne
That sounds amazing
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And Put Away Childish Things is the title