god ive been so tired today but im compelled to meta about n. apologies

so like, something ive been thinking on a lot since i started rp-ing him and had to rewatch so many scenes is that like

its easy to say the that the fatal turning point is him joining moebius. but like, if we look at noah, the thing that makes a difference is the fact that noah has a support network larger than a single person. he has multiple people and so hes less likely to break like a damn twig.

so i think the real turning point, the point of no return, is when z tells him 'you have to destroy the city to stop alpha' and instead of saying anything to m, or finding another way, he takes the path of least resistance. and worse, he takes it as a crime on his conscience alone. and never tells m

so now, n has killed anyone he could have reached out to, and put a wall between him and m

bc i think its interesting, how n has light in his eyes before the city and after this? he seals his fate. hes broken himself to try and keep her and hes gotta double down. and since he cant even admit the chain to reasoning (hey your great grand daughter wanted to kill us all for a bit there etc etc) he just gets more and more myopic as he just clams up

anyway hes fucked up, but i think its interesting to look at just how z arranged things so he'd never be able to reach out to m again

bc if m and joran are proof of anything, its that you can have 2nd thoughts, and you can work against moebius. if maybe not for long

but n couldnt do that bc he was backed sooooo far into a corner, and then he had to make it worth it

fucked up man.

and i KNOW this at least part of this is the intended read of things like

by him deciding its a burden hes just distancing himself further!!!

and like, theres probably a case to be made that its bc of THIS that they never interlink again

after all, if they did, m would know why n was so easily convinced to destroy the city. and n, in his over protective fervor, could never

and drives him further into the pattern of behavoir

like, n isnt my favorite Guy in xbc3, noah is, but. i cant help but rotate him....