and i am trying not to feel utterly hopeless about the possibility of ever getting my body to a level where i don't feel like i'm falling apart and i don't start panting after being bent over for a minute.
is... yeeting the whole system not in the cards? (idk your stance on having kids, but if your cycle is causing the iron issues... just a thought. I've got a co-worker who has issues that she wants to get a hysterectomy for, but they won't let her... despite the fact that she's 50 and def not gonna need-want any more kids....)
𝕧𝕕𝕠𝕧𝕒
: theoretically it's an option, just not one that i've looked into much because it seemed to be kept under control by birth control until now. probably something to bring up, it's just not been on my radar when it didn't have to be, because surgery scares the crap out of me.
like, the last time this happened it was before i was doing birth control steadily and i was still recovering from having spent. literal months at a time bleeding. my longest was over a year. so now that that issue is done i thought we'd be good, and we seemed to be for a while.
that's so so fair and valid. surgery is scary. i have a hip thing i should have surgery for that i'm currently just managing with meds b/c of things like... being a single mom! being the caretaker of my disabled mother! living on the 2nd floor! i've NEVER used crutches, I'll die navigating that! etc etc...
ooof, that is a lot of problems. but also, you know, so is pain stuff! why must it be this way. :/ I've been trying to get my brain around the idea of surgery for like a year while i try to get my weight down enough to get a reduction, but it still freaks me out.
I'm hoping changing birth control might help too, they said i might have just gotten used to the dosage i'm at and need to either up it or switch it, so maybe that'd make a difference. but we'll see. anyway the infusion is next week, so hopefully i'll feel okay after that.
Bodies are so stupid. Surgeries are scary things, but I've been through my share and while the other side can really bite ass, most of us make it through. Periods are the words. A full year. wow. My worst was 5 months. You seriously take the cake. You have my support on all this. Any plenty of hugs. I hope there's a simple solution.
𝒶𝒷𝓇𝒶𝒹𝑒
: Yeah the year was not fun, PCOS really fucked me up for a while. (I think it was more like a year and a half honestly but that whole time period is a blur.) <3333 Thank you, I really appreciate it. Hopefully it ends up getting fixed easy, but we'll see.
Not looking forward to going to more frequent hematology checks after this either, I finally worked it down to every six months. :/ God I hate needles.
I wish I could give you my "I don't mind needles" attitude. lol. During my medical assistant training, I was the one people used all the time to practice giving shots and taking blood. well, we were only allowed once each arm for that. our teacher had limits there, but they don't bother me. I'm so weird.
I would take it. XD I got mostly used to it given I had to have blood drawn so often? but I still hate it. And my anxiety's been up the last few times ever since I fainted during it, because I keep waiting for it to happen again, even though I think it was cause I didn't eat. Medical stuff in general gets to me, though, I have so many issues with hospitals
I also get lots and lots of massive injections in my back, so I've had to get used to those. Some of them are ablations, so they burn at nerves and that's a special little piece of hell, but that pain only lasts so long. I wish things were fixable. Too bad our bodies are such mysteries and they don't know how to take care of the issues. It would be nice.
I have been super out of it this week because of all this. Actually I've been struggling physically for a while and it makes a lot more sense now but like. Between the way the actual iron issues fuck me up and the mental spiral of being upset this is a problem again. I've really been thrown off.
I've been trying to get to starting work stuff and I can't think straight, I've let a lot of chores I meant to do drop, I have been kinda bad at most of the tags I meant to get back to, and I basically just keep allowing myself to zone out to powerwash simulator when i should be trying to be productive.
I'm hoping by Saturday I can do better because the anxiety over the infusion will be done and it might even kick in enough to make me feel like a person instead of a zombie. But we'll see.
I hope that you make it through this week. <3 It's been a mess of one. I got my doctor out of the way, but things have been all over the place emotionally. It's exhausting. I'm sure. With the low iron, it's got to be a super mess of exhaustion. Take all your time when it comes to me. You're still in my thoughts. <3
i had fucked-up dreams about medical stuff and i have so much anxiety i literally can't sit still. considering taking one of the as needed pills i just. feel like i shouldn't? i dunno.
be nice to yourself, love. it's valid to have anxieties, and they don't always have to make logical sense (like being b/c of your own thing that happened to make you wary, etc... it's just as bad and hard to watch ppl you know go through things!! and can still affect you, too.)
About an hour left before leaving for the infusion, I am physically shaking but I am awake and have had food so I hopefully don't faint. Trying to figure out if coffee will be comforting or make me feel worse.
Definitely cuddling cats for a while