will probably get an actual physical journal for this too but I'm starting here for now since I almost always have my phone on me and it'll be easiest to jot it down this way
day 1: some stomach upset/unsettling, moderate but brief dizziness; physical anxiety symptoms felt muted or dampened (like i was trying to get anxious but my body wouldn't let it get too far); no noticeable energy boost or insomnia
day 2: less stomach trouble and no noticeable dizziness; physical anxiety symptoms more prominent, though i did something very specifically anxiety-inducing ytd so the meds had a lot to contend with; EMOTIONAL anxiety symptoms felt somewhat dampened though; no noticeable energy boost or insomnia, in fact had VERY deep and long sleep
day 3: HIGH emotional & physical anxiety but was doing something very anxiety-inducing; intense rumination; moderate dizziness/vertigo when up high or reaching above head; was in unpleasant aisle assignment at work but DIDN'T think "god I want to die"; dry mouth; mild lack of coordination; stomach unsettled; severe fatigue
i think a lot of the bodily symptoms tonight could be owed to the adrenaline crash from my anxiety spike and sleeping too long (and so eating/drinking too little and just not warming up my body for activity), but I imagine they were probably exacerbated a little by the meds... I don't usually have lack of coordination or vertigo that bad when I oversleep
day 4: severe fatigue & easily overexerted; mild headache; stomach upset much milder than days previous; mood coming off day 3 was pretty foul but felt like it leveled out a little after day 4 dose; easily distracted; less passive SI than usual; severe tiredness of the eyes
misc note: have found myself a little more motivated to get up before my shift and have a meal but that may just be because of all the fuckign sleep i got beforehand
day 4 update: HORRIBLE insomnia, could not stay asleep today for the life of me despite fatigue/exhaustion being incredibly severe by the time i got into bed
day 5: severe fatigue & easily overexerted, general physical malaise (moderate), easily distracted, no rumination at work but intensely bad rumination afterwards, severe executive dysfunction
day 6: melancholy, irritability, severe fatigue, moderate physical malaise, insomnia, more frequent SI returning in response to irritable mood, mild stomach unsettling, rumination (contributing to insomnia)
day 7: severe fatigue, headache, out of body feelings, irritable, intense melancholy, less SI than night previous; moderate stomach upset but i had a little too much dairy so that might be unrelated; finally managed to do basic tasks i had lacked executive and physical function for in days previous
it is so hard to say how much of this is med side effects and how much is work just absolutely grinding me to a paste ugh. bad timing on my part starting the meds when i did
day 8: same suppression of physical anxiety i had on day 1; bad BAD insomnia (related to stress and rumination), then oversleeping as a result, executive dysfunction, severe fatigue
all i did today was have a stress meltdown after not being able to sleep, do my therapy session, and pass out all day so i was not terribly mindful of my physical state
day 9: i cannot even begin to enumerate my symptoms so far and i'm pretty sure they're all period-related rather than meds-related. also threw up a little under 2hrs after taking my pill so i have no idea if it even all made it into my system tonight
day 10: severe hopelessness, sadness, stress; executive dysfunction; bit of resurgence in SI (which has overall been less frequent since i started the meds); very intense distress/hopelessness response to a sudden stressor; insomnia
day 14: severe irritability, stress, hopelessness, fatigue, anxiety; SI levels (at least during work) back to pre-medication levels; executive dysfunction strong
think i am gonna stay on the 10mg for another weekish (8 days technically...since i'll have halves of 4 pills) and then try to up to 20mg... we shall see how i'm feeling then
day 15: insomnia followed by oversleeping, severe depression & executive dysfunction, severe emotional anxiety (physical anxiety symptoms not very present), worse disordered eating habits than usual, fatigue, severe hopelessness
day 15 is the closest i have ever been to just not showing up to work. i think that's more me being so fucking sick and burnt out from work than the antidepressants but it is what it is
day 17: same as day 16 for the first half, though after work i slept so deeply that when my 10:30am alarm went off i legitimately thought i had slept until 10:30pm and was gonna be late for work. second half of the day had higher anxiety but much more ability to Do Tasks and have some morale about it. probably some mania surrounding not having to work
day 18: moderate anxiety (mostly surrounding upcoming obligations), executive function improved greatly for taking care of some outstanding obligations, moderate fatigue
day 22: moderate fatigue, easily overexerted; took a very small dose of melatonin today without thinking bc i was having trouble falling asleep and it activated so much dizziness/vertigo that i have called out of work
day 28: insomnia, greatly improved executive function; basically got everything done in a day that i wanted to accomplish which hasn't happened in ever
day 32 (Fri night): massive melancholy mood swing with no obvious immediate external cause... felt a lot better upon waking up after sleeping (mostly) successfully during the day
day 35 (Mon night): rumination on external stressor very bad, led to prolonged anxiety attack at work, severe insomnia including into the evening despite intense activity and fatigue, severe irritability
also found out my next appointment with my psychiatrist will be my last one bc she's leaving the practice hopefully I can start seeing someone else nice there...
day 36 (Tue night): mood fluctuations, including downswings of sadness and grief about lost & damaged relationships that i have not been able to properly process prior to this; managed to physically go to therapy despite severe executive dysfunction telling me not to
day 37 (Wed night): sinus symptoms associated w/ weather changes more severe than usual; remarks on looking alert/refreshed even though i actually felt very ill at that moment; managed to finish my aisle early despite all that; insomnia, followed by dizziness/disorientation interaction with melatonin again even at a smaller dose; executive dysfunction
day 39 (Fri night): good executive function at work, stomach unsettled, mild fatigue, mild distraction/mind wandering; tackled every obstacle Saturday morning threw at me, which was many
day 46 (Fri night): same as day previous; been in a moderate to severe depressive episode since my period started tbh. functioned really well at work though
day 47 (Sat night): severe executive dysfunction, mood downswing; had a burst of manic function Sunday morning after work, then slept straight through the rest of the day and night due to intense fatigue + sleep debt
day 48 (Sun night): fatigued but managed to have a meal; had a very powerful anxiety spike in response to something that made me angry Monday afternoon
day 49 (Mon night): was more efficient at work than usual and wrangled a bunch of tasks that had fallen thru the executive dysfunction cracks on Tuesday morn
day 50 (Tue night): big appetite, big mania, did therapy and a bunch of errands and then had terrible insomnia and barely slept before my Wed night shift
day 51 (Wed night): the consequences of my insomnia sleep debt. did a bunch of obligations and chores Thur morning and then passed out in the afternoon and slept most of the following 30 hours with absolutely no will to do anything else in the moments that i did wake up
day 53 (Fri night): felt rather ill and general malaise but i think that's probably the sleep hangover. also added vitamins (calcium, iron, fiber, & vitamin D) to my meds lineup tonight so we shall see if that helps at all with the fatigue. managed to wake up, have a meal, and do a task that I needed to do despite not wanting to do any of that
day 55 (Sun night): huge sleep debt exhaustion, lack of focus & motivation (mostly related to the exhaustion), severe executive dysfunction irt eating (also related to the exhaustion)
gave up on daily symptom tracking but came back here to say i'm on the worst depressive downswing i've had since starting my meds. started around the 28th of april and got exponentially worse when my period started on the 7th
day 1 - 30mg fluoxetine (Tue night): very physically unwell but i felt awful before my dose so i think most of that is unrelated. big big brain fog and dissociation tonight so far though
day 1 update: emotional regulation was incredibly bad but i also experienced something very triggering so the circumstances were pretty exceptional, so, idk
i think a lot of the sleepiness and sadness is situational to my job transition but. fluoxetine help you're supposed to make it easier to cope with those
i think i am gonna take my dose around 4pm today so i can have about 18hrs between doses as i transition to taking it in the morning... i would like to take it at the beginning of my shift tmw and i don't think it's a good idea to go straight from 10pm to 9am
day 1: some stomach upset/unsettling, moderate but brief dizziness; physical anxiety symptoms felt muted or dampened (like i was trying to get anxious but my body wouldn't let it get too far); no noticeable energy boost or insomnia