[emetophobia warning] I had an absolute shitshow fuckstorm of a night last night

1: I ate dinner, and for some reason, my visceral food aversion kicked in not long after I had finished and I just felt. primal disgust, like garbage poison is inside of me and I cant stop smelling and tasting it

I'm guessing this is a combo of autism bullshit and also hormonal problems because I just started my placebo week of birth control the day before

It was so bad that I had to just eat ginger candy after ginger candy while also in a hot shower with ALL THE SOAPS to try and override my sense of taste and smell

and then ON TOP OF THAT my SIBO (gut issues) were VERY BAD and I just felt super sick, insanely bloated

And all of this basically activated my brain on fire and I had a panic attack while also feeling like my brain was made of angry bees

jesus, otterbody please chill

It just kept getting worse and worse on all fronts until my body was just like "yeah we're gonna throw up now" and I was trying to fight it but after a few hours of pacing in circles with this happening I was just like lord jesus I do not care anymore, take the wheel, let's throw up

but then it just wouldn't happen

I was like, completely giving in, body do whatever you want, and I just was left hanging on the edge of throwing up permanently

I medicated the fuck out of myself with xanax and zofran and none of it was working

one is bad but all of that together is just... i'm sorry D:

eventually I passed out sort of hanging off the side of my bed with a garbage can there

and woke up this morning with my body hurting so bad like what the absolute fuck did you do to us last night

and I'd like to say back to my body and brain that THIS IS YOUR FAULT, I DID NOT INTEND THIS IN THE SLIGHTEST

okay I'm done

𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑢𝑠𝑡 : thank you for your concern either way