N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
idk what to warn this as but intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation or self harm i guess???
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
so, my stepmother has like a "jewelry" business, it's mostly keychains
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
but the way it works is she prints out images and glues them to glass cabochons and sometimes i have to cut some out because orders have been crazy and its not even the holiday season
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
anyway, i use an exacto to cut them out, one of those really pointy ones with the small blade you have to change out
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
and sometimes i'm just sitting here like..."what if i just held the blade upright and lowered my chin onto it" while my brain is imagining me doing just that and the blade going into the bottom of my mouth and all that
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
i would like to not be having that particular thought every time i cut shit out
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
also having the same thought with scissors while cutting out these sticker things she puts on the back of the cabochon to hold it on the keychain
unoiled snake
oh no, self harming intrusive thoughts suck so much
unoiled snake
I have them sometimes
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
i can't think of any time i've had them before recently
unoiled snake
oof. have you been more stressed lately?
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
yknow aside from like the rare times i've been in a high place and just been like "what would happen if i fall"
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
i think i'm always in a constant state of stress lmao
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
tho i guess lately it's been a little more than usual
unoiled snake
I mean... mood 
kyuukyuuroid
that's textbook intrusive thoughts though... even if you're not actively suicidal, it just... happens
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
oh yeah i know
kyuukyuuroid
:<
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
they're just...not a thing i have normally
kyuukyuuroid
still sucks for anyone who has to experience it tho
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
like i'm used to impulsive thoughts like "i should cut off my hair" and stuff like that that isn't harmful
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
on another note, woke up and my back chose violence (it huuuurts)
ʙᴇᴄᴋ 🍂
God I get those thoughts a lot, too
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
i haaate it
ʙᴇᴄᴋ 🍂
I know the "Call of the Void" is a thing and when I learned about it and that it's a normal thing almost everyone experiences, I was like "oh so I'm not just crazy"
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
great thing about that is i can give into it in video games and its fine
ʙᴇᴄᴋ 🍂
Mood 
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
"think i can survive this jump?" goes splat
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
unless its FFXIV where you just drop to 1hp
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
(unless in combat then you splat)
Valour
having been sliced by such a knife before, I mentally wince
Valour
intrusive thoughts suck.
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
i once put an exacto between the knuckle joints on one finger while cutting something out...would like to not do that again
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
also end up poking my finger tips a lot with the tip of the blade while cutting out stuff, which is fun because then i have to quickly bandage myself before i bleed all over the merch
N̢̺̝o̫̟͖L̼͍̞。
(which i have done before because i didn't even notice the prick)