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treating myself to something good. it's been a while... well, I deserve this. other, er, situations notwithstading.

don't give up, me.don't give up on me.

hal baik hari ini: setelah kemarin sempat menggelembung, hari ini kerja pakai jeans dari jaman dulu, akhirnya longgar lagi.hal selain baik hari ini: kerjaan sibuk parah, cek media sosial saja (literally) ga sempat, sampai rumah baru bisa rebahan jam segini.some good things, some otherwise. life, basically.

akhirnya selesai juga kerja hari ini. itu juga rasanya banyak yang ga selesai...kepikiran ini apa gue skill issue atau memang bebannya rada ga ngotak, ya. apa sebagiannya gue kena gaslight juga sama semua situasi ini, hm.past certain level, having robust support system becomes more of a necessity I guess. just the how.

tomorrow is another day. another battle, or rather, series thereof throughout the week. I'll need my head in the right place, so. let's sleep early(-ish).

ku tak tahu harus memulai dari manasang waktu pun selaluterus membawaku ke sana/earworm /help

mau stater kepala buat mulai kulik kerjaan kok susah ya. terlepas dari waktu ini hari...pretty sure I'm not the only one ever experiencing similar situation. I mean I know some pointers, but... ergh. do I need to push through. I probably should.

orang-orang pada libur dan aku... malah mumet, kerjaan ini kenapalah.Tuhan, mudahkanlah semua ini. Tuhan, mampukanlah Yudi. dua-duanya aja deh boleh ya Tuhan? makasih loh, aminn.

is it just me, or today has been unusually hot and humid?

I win some, I lose some. but I get to fight another day.. . . I guess. aduh lelah.

a long day indeed. bah.

sleep-deprived. coffee didn't help much. shouldn"t have atayed up last night... though, on the other hand, I wish I could have done just that.probably a long day today too. yikes.

レミオロメン - 粉雪"aku bukan lumba-lumba. kamu juga bukan." "buatku, kalau kamu yang ngomong, sekalipun pelan, aku akan dengarkan." "kalau kamu mau berjalan, sekalipun lambat, aku akan di dekatmu." "buatku kita ga hidup di dunia yang berbeda."#nowplaying siang ini. malah terasosiasi omongan dari dorama-nya...

just noticed today I haven't had coffee, nor tea, nor anything of sweet drinks. mostly water, and some milk, which is good, conceptually at least.in practice, though, today feels like a downtime. not an exercise, not even a movie or series.I'm not lazy. I'm recovering.

I'm not delusional enough to think I'm a good person, so. as much as I wish otherwise.maybe I deserve all these things that happened, things that didn't happen, everything in between, as much as I wish otherwise.. . . but, man, how I'm tired of hopes and wishes at times.

sad, somehow. pas lagi capek-capeknya juga. tapi mungkin memang harus seperti itu, ya.sebagian diriku ingin bilang, 'yah sudahlah'. entah kenapa, susah.

the good thing about being independent is that you take on everything on your own. the bad thing about being independent is that you take on everything on your own . . ..... . . I guess. I might well have been too (hyper-)independent for my own good, I don't know.

going to bed early tonight. tomorrow is another day, hopefully in the better sense of the word.mohon doa dan dukungannya saja. semoga.

"tugas kita itu berjuang, bukan [harus] berhasil."MMT of the day. hm.

mungkin juga aku terlalu banyak ragu-ragu, ya..ah. entah.

long weekend, apa itu long weekend. akhir pekanku sudah hilang semua-muanya kemarin. sampai malam ini mau istirahat santai juga rasanya semacam ilusi benar.entah hilang, entah ilusi, entah memang tak pernah ada. seperti halnya ketidakberdosaan, cinta, dan harapan-harapan dalam hidupku.

kalau lagi di lantai 4, sukanya rebahan di bunk bed. kalau lagi di lantai 15, sukanya nongkrong sendirian seruput teh atau kopi dekat jendela (walaupun sering juga sih jadi disamperin dan half-deep talk ngobrol sama rekan kerja).ketika jam istirahat di tempat kerja. aku.

akhirnya selesai juga. untuk hari ini, setidaknya. masih banyak urusan tapi setidaknya dua kepusingan terselesaikan.untuk sisa hari ini aku ingin istirahat dulu. ini apa ga ada mbak-mbak lucu yang mau kasih aku semangat po? atau kirimin lagu atau gambar lucu atau apa kek./dalam upaya menghindari burnout/oi /bruh

like it's been a while since I had good, decent, proper weekend. also 'until', in some ways...but if this is the life I'm given and I don't have many choices about situations, might as well try to do my best and enjoy the whatever I guess. talk about rewiring one's mind.easier said than done, yeah. I really do know that.

kecewa. terhadap diri sendiri, utamanya. terhadap keadaan, sedikitnya, setidaknya. banyak 'seandainya' dan 'seharusnya'. walaupun pada akhirnya ga jadi apa-apa juga.rasanya seperti bateraiku habis. apakah ada SPKLU buat manusia. aduh.

ロクデナシ「愛が灯る」/ Rokudenashi - The Flame of Love【Officia...#nowplaying pada akhir hari Minggu yang rasanya . . . er, begitulah. penat. will these days come to mean something, I wonder.I wonder though. really.

setengah delapan rasa setengah tujuh. kind of bittersweet. for some reasons.work is starting again. I wish I could have more healthy relationship with work. things have changed, like, quite a lot. I wish I could have better outcome in other parts of life too.but the world doesn't run on wishes.

. . . oh. just noticed it has been 5 years already, give or take few days, since I went back here.many things happened since. quite a lot of things changed. some stayed the same. for better or worse. I wish I could take back things I've said and done during the period.but life doesn't work that way, right.

kalau ada yang bilang ke kamu 'anxiety itu ga bisa diapa-apain', jangan percaya. enggak gampang, enggak bisa sembarangan, akan tergantung banyak hal. tapi bisa.these days I learned, like, quite a lot of tools and approaches. today those newly-acquired skills got tested for real.went through it. better than I thought. huh.

kawan: "eh tapi yud1 itu itungannya udah FIRE [Financial Independence Retire Early] belum sih?" 🤔aku: "ga tau deh. ga pernah ngitung amat. tapi ditambahin 5 milyar kayaknya bisa sih..." 🤔kawan: "..." 😓(anaknya entah frugal entah spartan) (konon katanya bisa hidup di biara) (pernah dibilangin)