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mungkin gak lama lagi

membantu sebenarnya ngobrol sama deepseek soal masalah² psikologis, usul²nya practical dan nadanya sangat ngemong, jadi kadang² lupa dia masih belum sentient. sekalinya inget rasa lonelynya malah tambah mencelosss kayak ada balok es dalam hati

pouring from an empty cup

ilustrasi jadi caregiver paling pas mungkin kayak gini: sekali2nya gantian minta tolong bukannya dikerjain malah dikasih teka-teki, "sekarang banget?" hanya bisa mengelus dada uga

acknowledge, accept, let go. old mantra im retraining myself to stick to again. daripada anger, anxiety, admit to hospital, ya ngga?

next step: not caring anymore

udah capek. i dont want this anymore. lo usaha sendiri aja gimana

problem solving 2025: bagaimana recharge mental yg efektif biar kuat caregiving yg kyknya bakal intense at least in first half of this year

selamat tahun baru plurkettes. terima kasih sudah mendengarkan keluh kesahku selama 2024. siap² utk 2025 yaaa xixi pengennya sih lebih waras tp outside-plurk-world mana kita tahu gimana nanti yekan

ada temen lama diajakin minum² bir doang nyante murah² kl bisa di rumah jg gapapa bilangnya udah ga minum lagi out of my budget, seminggu kemudian posting close friends stories lg traveling di reykjavik sama kasih pengumuman tar nye msh blm balik jakarta ya gaes masih di paris. ga ngerti lagi delusional hypocrite jaksel cunts.

enak rasanya offend a jaksel hipster HAHAHA langsung sok ceramahin gue lg, ketauan moralistiknya lololol

oke jg gue ga pernah mau lg ketemuan sama this person who once stood me up after i waited for a whole fucking hour. granted i had other things to do so i didnt waste all my time but it was just insane especially since the person only had to walk less than a kilo from their house to where we were gonna meet. the sheer entitlement and laziness. fuck right off

HAPPY BIRTHDAY nininditya

always grateful for the education i received, but being sent away at 16 with absolutely no plan for a support system to replace parental guidance really did break me as a human. in many ways since then ive been barely functioning in the "normal" way that might have allowed me to gain a bit of happiness in life. its all dark now

kdg kl ambil jemuran di atas, & cuma gue yg regularly ambil jemuran di rumah ini, like seriously, ga ada yg kepikiran, hey maybe sometimes hed like it if he doesnt have to angkat jemuran sehari dua, but yeah, kdg di atas, memandang mobil² melintas di ujung gang, i find what amounts to a little peace. until the next load of laundry (yg jg cuma gw yg ngerjain)

gak di rumah, gak di luar rumah, gak ada yg bisa diajak bantering. org ga ngerti sarkasme, ga terlalu suka sarkasme, terlalu sensitif, kegedean ego, maunya ngobrol yg macam apa sih? i dont understand the world

berusaha mengingat² kapan terakhir kali seneng aja

shit gue lonely banget ni help

kebanyakan ngelawak ga dianggap serius pas teary hehe

some people just lie even if they know people will clock them for lying. they know theyre not gonna have to suffer any punishment for it anyway. lying is like this ephemeral thing, an invisible shroud over the furnitures of reality. these liars know they can act with impunity since aint nobody gonna care about any damn metaphorical shroud! thats impunity 4 u

one of her very few tasks to order galon and it's been three days. what else can i say, what else can i do. ive accepted the fact ive been an enabler of her incompetence. it is me who has let her weaponize it to her heart's content. but now that ive realized my mistakes, and taken steps to remedy them, but shes unwilling to remedy hers, what CAN i do?

the substane is alright, where i am rn, i relate ofs, grief over loss youth, the inappropriateness of sucking the energy of youth, psychologically spot on. the carrie ending, the shining corridors, dennis quaid giving mugatu, a bit tired, but its alright. 5/10

ada ya org udh berkali2 dimintain bantuin cuci baju keluarga malesnya minta ampun, akhirnya gue keteteran, anak berangkat sekolah seragamnya masih setengah basah, kasian amat huhu, pas diingetin tolong dong bantuin gue nyuci baju, paling nggak lipetin deh, eh masih ngeles: "we need to involve [nama anak] to do house chores too. we have so many". EDAN SIH

org kok cuma diem, partnernya udh panik marah2 sedih, tetep diem. malah jd ga enak sendiri dia kenapa ya? fucking hell so lonely

jangan jd org yg terlalu reliable, tar too many people rely on u to do everything and sooner or later you'll break