搜尋

Fun fact: if everyone on earth blinked at the same time.. nothing would happen!

If the sun is 27 million degrees then why is it cold sometimes... I thought it only went to 360 anyways??

Brothels are weird

Fuck you I’m evil.

I want cleft kneecaps..

Behold! The Goldfish of doom and destruction!

I always feel like such a savage when I cross a light just after it turns red.

Mannn I wanna visit earth so bad..

I like the Garfield Telephone!

Oh this tan? It’s probably melanoma 😅

Every time I’m driving and a bird waits until the last second to fly away I have a mini panic attack

The military should replace their hand grenades with SIG P320s

How do bugs not take fall damage

“Why are you crying?”Cause that booty like an onion

My college just sent me a check for $5.38 🤑#bigballin #donttalktome #imstillpoor

Just saying you can get out of jury duty if you call them and say "I'm Racist I can't attend"

Jovial Merryman... My beloved.

I just got told I look like a more ethnic Chris Pratt..

Hey so it’s actually super dangerous to soak cats in water because if you do they might grow a mermaid tail and swim away.. that’s why they bathe themselves

Ballistic Humiliation

If I turned into a woman supermodel for one day the first thing I would do is go to a mall and approach a group of awkward dudes, talk them up a lot and then once they like me, I’ll ask them who is the strongest and watch them all fight for me.

Always feels like people have the fantastic ability of calling when I’m angry at something

Fear is weakness hijacking your body’s cockpit-Garbageman

Word on the street is that your dad has a size 47 shoe..

I have a shed full of baddies

I am full of hatred and malice.

God js be makin ppl

What are you gonna do, go home to your family and I don't know be a loving father..?PATHETIC

Love those moments where your boss “asks” you to cover a shift 🤩🤩

FearlessAmazingTalentedAstoundingSincereStupendous