on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:14 AM
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:23 AM
[Mandy Stuff][Badbrain Stuff] https://images.plurk.com/5sLb92iT4hHGLRcMVGlH5l.png and moving on to RL side of things, I just wanna ramble and vent for a sec

Will mark with any CWs/TWs as they come up
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:14 AM
So it's been... a little while since the trip to GA
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:15 AM
But it simultaneously feels like it's been months... and like it's been only days
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:15 AM
Sleep schedule is garbage, mood swinging all over the place, appetite just weird
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:18 AM
But... 🐚 Rui 🐙 remains my rock, Xae my RP soulmate, EternalLie the person who's able to just Get Me when it's reaching the lowest point with my mood swings
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:19 AM
I feel like my life is forever just out of my grasp, as far as control goes. Always just shy of having it together, even when things are going the best they could
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:19 AM
I often feel like there's very little point in trying, but the need to try is always there
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:20 AM
I'm. Tired
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:20 AM
Yet if someone asks if I'm okay, I generally don't have an honest answer, lol
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:21 AM
I don't know!
🐚 Rui 🐙
@ruipressed
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:21 AM
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:21 AM
And I guess that's okay? I know it's okay to not be okay, I know it's okay to not know if you are
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:22 AM
But I also guess I just want to stop feeling like a walking CW/TW
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:23 AM
Updates the tags for this
EternalLie
@EternalLie
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:24 AM
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:25 AM
Anyway, I started to make a Plurk not that long ago, but the stress of trying that came close to literally sending me to the hospital for... darkbrain stuff.
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:25 AM
I have a doctor's appointment on Monday bc my heart is doing horribly now. I can't stand up without feeling the left side of my chest vibrating painfully for a while
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:26 AM
SO... decided it just wasn't worth my actual life, at that moment
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:26 AM
But. I do want to go into some stuff
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:27 AM
Everything in this plurk is going to be my opinion
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:27 AM
Which is just this: Mandy needs psychological help, and encouraging paranoia/unhealthy patterns for someone like this is terrible
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:28 AM
The best form of help? Not engaging with horribly criminal accusations that do not have legitimate evidence behind them
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:29 AM
The best way to be a friend to someone clearly in need of hospitalization is to help them get there
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:29 AM
Encourage them to go stay with professionals
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:30 AM
I am not in a healthy place for doing any of that, so I cut myself free of such toxicity. This is a form of self-care
Xae
@Tsukeru
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:30 AM
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:31 AM
Everyone deserves happiness
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:31 AM
Especially me! I've been through bullshit
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:32 AM
But yeah... life ain't fair sometimes, karma always gets its payments, and if you can't come up with a reasonable explanation for doing something: don't do it
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:33 AM
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:52 AM
This plurk is only open to comments from friends because I don't trust basically anyone other than the three I pinged into here.
Xae
@Tsukeru
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:34 AM
You know I'm always gonna be here for you.
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:36 AM
nuzzles
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:37 AM
I should clarify though that the trust thing isn't even anything against others, even in the light of the Mandy stuff
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:37 AM
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:37 AM
My paranoia is. Bad. Lately
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:40 AM
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:51 AM
I'm going to be seeing a doctor in the future about that. So yeah that was just one more reason to cut myself free, heh. Cannot engage with someone repeatedly bringing up a list of mental health issues... It had me eventually curling inward, and threatening to spiral into much darker places
Xae
@Tsukeru
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:41 AM
Bad.
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:41 AM
Negl I would have done it in a much nicer way if not for the way just me going quiet was responded to
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:42 AM
and things only being considered "bad timing" when it was directly affecting her stuff kinda proved to me that it was a vastly one-sided relationship
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:43 AM
Because what about the fact that I had just been horribly traumatized and was sick? That sure didn't stop any begging for me to help
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:43 AM
So yeah just some shit that's been weighing heavily on me
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:44 AM
An important life lesson to learn tho: don't ever freely give and give, unless the other person is also giving to you
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:44 AM
That's an unhealthy relationship and everyone deserves better
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:44 AM
Do not befriend a sponge
🐚 Rui 🐙
@ruipressed
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 5:49 AM
nods, agreed
EternalLie
@EternalLie
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 6:27 AM
tbh
3D🌺triangle.
@punnyinpink
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 10:45 AM
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
@yarnzipan
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 1:42 PM
<3
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 1:43 PM
E.S. Levi
@firebenderjess
Sun, Oct 29, 2023 10:57 PM
Said it on Discord, but also saying it here: I'm sorry she pulled this with you too, and glad she was at least sloppy enough about it to give herself away quick.
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 7:18 AM
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 7:19 AM
Yesterday ended up being super rough for me, mentally. I finally talked about some things I've kept secret for my entire life
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 7:19 AM
Which was as helpful as it was scary!
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 7:20 AM
Ended up having a pretty harsh mental space during my shower earlier /rubs face
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 7:20 AM
But I'm... still doing things in healthy ways, rather than harmful
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 7:20 AM
Drank some water, ate something healthy for breakfast
on hiatus
@aerynaeacus
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 7:21 AM
Taking my meds
'Sail
@Nightsail
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 8:41 AM
I'm glad to hear. keep taking care of yourself; you deserve it.
EternalLie
@EternalLie
Mon, Oct 30, 2023 6:52 PM
I don't talk about those things either so like. Literally no one else knows about the one part but you now. At least it wasn't just you! I'm glad you're still taking care of yourself.
Xae
@Tsukeru
Tue, Oct 31, 2023 6:37 PM
載入新的回覆