[DEI work] gooood lord. you know what is a crappy follow-up to having your therapist cancel a much-needed session?

going to the monthly meeting for the DEI committee that you're on... and finding that they've invited the CEO to attend

when normally this has been a very safe space

and the CEO is kind of known to be a sticking point that is making our work harder

that was... a fuckin rough experience

I'm so goddamn tired now and I didn't evne have my camera or mic on

holy shit that was tense

and they're restructuring/redefining the DEI committee so I'm afraid

we've done some goddamn hard emotional labor for this org for three years now, we're a tightknit little powerhouse of a DEI family... so I'm so worried they're going to restructure things in a way that will weaken or break this up

someday this tension headache will ease up... but today is not that day...

(also haha hearing the CEO talk to us was a sucky chaser to feeling so gaslit yesterday)

also... we had a record number of members with their cameras/mics off today, and I know it was in self-defense and self-preservation

god bless the champions who kept their cameras on and spoke up. because the rest of us were had to sit behind our shields for sanity

and lemme just say. the members that we could see all ended that meeting looking just as straight-shouldered and level as when it started... but the CEO had her face propped on her fingers in a way that reminded me of a collapsing building

Man, DEI work in a company is fucking rough man. The number of times I have had to be in a meeting like YOU CANNOT BE FUCKING SERIOUS about something is INTENSE.

yeeeeah

it's bad because it's for an org that is ALL ABOUT being better than this

which amounts to the white folks in power being just that more offended because of course THEY aren't racist

Ugggggh