cw: general bitching, nothing serious

i am just so fucking unmotivated right now, everything keeps happening too much

it's almost all work related right now, and not even really MY work related

but sections of my brain are constantly running on "your friend who now has Alzheimers is going downhill goddamn FAST and there's nothing you can do about it"

"This new system is kinda neat but also full of bugs and we're about to hit month's end for the first time and who KNOWS how this is gonna go"

"Dogs are shooting people???"

"All your other coworkers keep getting sick, and you're the main person forcibly holding the place together right now"

then i get home and i am the TOTALITY of socialization for my dad, which 90% of the time is fine until politics comes up, or on the occasions that my autistic "one more sound is gonna make me set the house on fire" collides with HIS autistic "i saw a neat thing about pumas on youtube and I am going to talk about it for half an hour"

and now there's some more damage to the roof from yesterday's storms that we can no longer put off, which, fine, it's not a big deal, those repairs aren't gonna be hard

but it's just one more thing

and all my energy is just drained to the point where i open my inbox and look at nine whole tags and just go "fuuuuuck"

plus there's just that one spoon in my drawer that is permanently spent daily on the existential horror of where i live, that one just never goes away

...and right on cue my annoying ass coworker starts playing gospel music

-wild gestures- THE BACKGROUND RADIATION OF MY FUCKIN LIFE

oh jeez

i'm fine, in general, really, like none of this is critical damage

except maybe my friend with Alzheimers that one sort of is eating a significant chunk of my consciousness

i could just like...use a break

not even vacation, just like...a long weekend where i work from home friday and monday so i can still get my work done but while laying on my ass

i'm gonna post in a bit, i'm unmotivated but not unable lol, i just also needed to just. bitch lol

i'm probably gonna channel this into bucky because this fucker is also probably overwhelmed and low key depressed about it right now

-jazz hands- using RP as cheap therapy

oh right i forgot where i re-aggravated some heat exhaustion from two months ago this weekend too, that was fun

shit's been a little nuts when i just kind of forgot nearly fainting in my own yard