فك يو
adventures with my aunt:
فك يو
she offers to lend me something, completely out of the blue and of her own volition
فك يو
i say "oh sure thanks that'd be great"
فك يو
she immediately starts getting into a snit about how much lending me the thing will inconvenience her
فك يو
MA'AM
فك يو
WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS
فك يو
needless to say i said "oh well of course nevermind then you don't need to", but like
فك يو
??????????
nevecore
w-why offer in the first place???
فك يو
genuinely unsure if she impulsively offered without thinking things through and then started to work herself up once she started considering the logistics, or if i was ~supposed to realize that she was only offering to be polite and hat she didn't actually expect me to say yes; either would be on brand for her
فك يو
(she doesn't actually do the "offering out of politeness, you're supposed to say no" thing much herself, but she often assumes that other people are doing that to her/me/others and she fucking loves trying to convince me that other people's offers of help/invitations/what have you are disingenuous and only done out of politeness, it's super great to tell her
فك يو
about my plans with somebody only to have her start to immediately theorize about all the reasons they probably don't actually want to do the thing with me)
Ptriciadactyl
GUESS WHAT, IDDY, every time we make plans I genuinely want them
Ptriciadactyl
I am a perpetually tired introvert, I don't even have enough energy for all the things I want to do and people I want to see. I'm sure as hell not wasting it on people I don't like
فك يو
BACK AT YOU, CODZILLA FOR REAL NEXT SEASON
Ptriciadactyl
<3
فك يو
i 1000% know why my aunt does this, and it's born out of fear and anxiety rather than a desire to be cruel; she was raised by my grandmother who used to pull that shit on people (ex. inviting someone for lunch and being perfectly pleasant to their face, then bitterly complaining about how much of an imposition they were afterwards)
Ptriciadactyl
anyway, she is an adult who's allowed to gaslight herself about her own relationships because that's a response to shit she's been through, but....... please stop gaslighting your niece, aunt.
فك يو
so my aunt genuinely sees herself as trying to save me from the disappointment/hurt of ending up as the guest in that scenario
فك يو
but good god
فك يو
Ptriciadactyl
FOR REAL
فك يو
i hate that she does it to herself, she's lost so many friendships over it, but imposing it on others is really a step beyond
Ptriciadactyl
also, FYI, my mother loves you and told me after you left how great you are and how happy she was you came to Thanksgiving last year
Ptriciadactyl
so if I ever invite you to another family gathering, you can be sure she also wants you around.
Ptriciadactyl
she was talking about how you being there made it feel more festive and celebratory than if it were just the two of us, and it was really nice, and you're wonderful.
فك يو
AWW that's so cute, she was also great
فك يو
more adventures with my aunt: "can you talk your doctor into prescribing X medication for you so that you can give it to me"
فك يو
fucking no i will not
فك يو
(it's not an addict thing, she's just trying to save herself an office visit, but still)
nevecore
man i was kinda head tilty thinking she was trying to Get You To Try Something and then i hit the end and the brakes screeched
فك يو
"That is my big headache now, since my own doc will not prescribe without a full office appointment, and I am P O'd at having to soon indulge his money-grubbing ways when I have to get him to fill out a health form for Briarwood. He refuses to bundle anything and insists on a full office visit for any little thing."
فك يو
like i get that this is annoying but the solution is not to ask your niece to commit a crime for you
nevecore
n-no
pharadyne
wow. yeah i was also reading along thinking at first that she was trying to get you to try something and then hit the end and went "holy shit that's really illegal"
pharadyne
and i feel like the solution for her ought to be "find a new doctor, one who does telehealth visits" rather than "convince niece to commit drug crime"
فك يو
i swear to god the next time she berates me for not displaying sufficient gratitude by her standards, i'm going to point out that i am 1) going way out of my way, 2) extending my own travel time by two days, and 3) paying hundreds of extra dollars to fly out of jfk with her rather than flying separately from my own MUCH closer preferred airport
فك يو
the fact that she has not so much as acknowledged this wouldn't bother me much at all if it weren't for the fact that she expects FAWNING PERFORMATIVE GRATITUDE for objectively much lesser favors
فك يو
god every single one of us is so neurotic, each of us in different and exciting ways
فك يو
my timeblindness is so bad that i just caught myself LEGITIMATELY THINKING "but if i go for a walk with michelle at 5 today i might not have time for anything else this week" despite the fact that my schedule this week is the emptiest it's been in over a month
فك يو
my sister just texted me to ask if flight attendants will think she's weird and judge her if she asks for just a cup of ice
فك يو
what is wrong with all of us
فك يو
re: layovering in paris - "before we leave, consider calling an exterminator, tell them you will be returning from a trip with bedbugs and set up an appointment to debug the house--"
فك يو
oh my god aunt cyndy this is why you are so stressful to travel with
فك يو
like, we actually share a lot of the same catastrophizing impulses, but she externalizes every single one of hers in a way that just compounds them both for herself and everyone around her
فك يو
i'm not saying keeping it completely bottled up is the better alternative, but surely there are better ways to deal with her anxieties than "hello, fellow anxious person; our worst fears are always true and the worst will always come to pass"
Jay
oh dear
nevecore
oof, that us exhausting
nevecore
is*
فك يو
me: spends extra time and money to fly out of jfk with my aunt because she doesn't want to fly alone
فك يو
my aunt: "btw i changed to a different flight!!!"
فك يو
in the end i'm not too annoyed because i was able to change my flight too, and the new flight is immeasurably better layover-wise, but l o l all the same
Jay
wow, your aunt sure is... something
فك يو
like to her credit she thought it would be easy to change flights at little to no extra cost, i thought it would be difficult to impossible, and she was right
فك يو
but the fact that she just went and did it without consulting with me, her travel partner, and then told me after the fact feels emblematic of a lot of our issues!
فك يو
Wow my internet chose a great time to COMPLETELY bite it, I'll finish my thought later I guess
فك يو
OKAY WHERE WAS I
فك يو
when i said i wished she'd talked to me first, she just went "oh well i tried to change yours too but they wouldn't let me" and... yes, i'm actually glad they wouldn't let her change my plane ticket without my permission? her changing mine without talking to me, her travel partner, and making sure the new time worked for me would also have been an issue!
فك يو
it's this weird-ass combo of doing things on her own, on a complete whim with no communication, and attempts at massive controlling overreach (i'm still ??? that she even tried to change my plane ticket on me, and that she thought that that would be okay)
فك يو
her changing her own ticket if we were flying separately and i were flying from boston = totally fine
فك يو
her wanting to talk with me about changing both of our tickets when i'm flying out of her preferred airport at her request because she wants us to fly together = also totally fine
فك يو
jumping straight from "i wonder if we should change our tickets" to "okay i changed mine" with no communication in between, when i am, again, flying out of her preferred airport at her request because she wants us to fly together = i mean it worked out in the end, but i still think it's kind of shitty
فك يو
attempting to change my plane ticket for me, without communication or permission = holy shit i would have blown a gasket if she'd somehow been allowed to, lmao
فك يو
anyway this is dumb, i'm venting, i'm overreacting, i'm aware that half of this is "bitch eating crackers" level of complaints, i'm just getting it out of my system here
nevecore
i definitely wouldn't call that overreacting. tbh were i in your shoes and had this happen i would straight up refuse to ever travel with her
nevecore
this sounds like a lot of Issues rolled into one and the end result is she isn't willing or able to let you have a say in something that is also extremely relevant to you! like travel is something that needs input if if affects you! and the fact that she wanted to just change yours without even talking to you about it? nope, i'd be out
nevecore
so i think you're valid in your frustration over this whole thing
فك يو
it runs in the family i guess because my dad (her brother) once attempted to change my COLLEGE CLASS SCHEDULE for me
SPOILER ALERT
yeah man that's messed up
فك يو
"i definitely wouldn't call that overreacting. tbh were i in your shoes and had this happen i would straight up refuse to ever travel with her" every time we travel together i have at least one moment where i fully plan to do this
فك يو
and then some time passes and i'm like "yeah okay sure why not"
SPOILER ALERT
that's like, "whoops sorry I decided not to change it sucks for you" level messed up
SPOILER ALERT
guess you're not travelling together anymore lol byyyyyyeeeee
nevecore
honestly too stressful
فك يو
low key i would absolutely have done that if the new flights she snagged weren't a million times better
فك يو
she would have been pissed about it, but /SHRUG
فك يو
i did end up switching and i'm glad i was able to, i'm just working myself up over ~the principle of the thing~
nevecore
i mean, it's stepping all over your agency. that's valid to be worked up over
فك يو
we've discussed it before (not about this, but about past issues), and she flat-out admits that she does it because she's my older relative and so she still sees me as a child, lmao
nevecore
even more reason to peace out tbh c: