[mute if you wanna, as there are frank discussions on sudden death and celeb death.]

I fixed it.

the sudden death of a wrestler I admired made me realize like... in the rush of preparations for his funeral and his family coming in from out of town... I probably didn't mourn my stepdad.

Same with Pana, aka pana.

Like they were both sudden and unexpected things and on the same goddamn day and those days were busy as hell and I just didn't sit and reckon with my feelings.

And last night... all those feelings came back to me with a vengeance.

Like I just didn't really comprehend that they were gone.

And last night/early morning, I was just like... crying.

Like it reminded me of a thing my mom told someone, that she didn't cry when my dad died and threw herself in raising us and running the household and one of his favorite songs came on and she just starting crying.

If you can get anything from this stupid vent plurk is that... love and cherish the time you get with those you love, admire, and enjoy being around. Be they friends, family, those you love, people that entertain you, and partners.

Because it is fleeting, and it really is like the song: one day you're here, then the next you're gone.

Sending you much love. This isn’t uncommon at all, and it’s hard that we’re often reminded of how fleeting life is because we lost someone.