"accepting that something bad can happen without malicious intent, you can understand why it happened the way it did, and it can still really hurt" in my defense I HAVE identified and been working on this
"accepting that something bad can happen without malicious intent" oh that ones rough. every time i am like the arthur meme like do you think life would do that? just have bad things happen to me without malicious intent from the universe or other people towards me?
we prob have different reasons for it (i am afraid to watch the video ngl i do not know what kind of emotional response it will provoke and i need to go to work today and be around people and be normal) but yeah like thats why i struggle with things like being blocked or even Not Having The Same Level Of Friendliness Shown To Me As To Other People
likkkke LOGICALLY i can understand those things can be without malicious intent. but most of my brain reacts with "oh no i am hated/unwelcome" even if that might not be necessarily true
god I've been watching all these other psychologist reacts videos on Dr Honda's channel and he talks sometimes about things being physical reactions and a part of me has always been like
theoretically I know and have experienced emotions in my physical body but man it feels weird and foreign. who does that. emotions are brain things and sometimes I have breathing issues or I physically vibrate, separately,
(Eat the candy)
: for me it's always like "I can identify that there was probably no malicious intent here and therefore I am not allowed to be hurt. I will instead shove it down and punish myself for having an emotional response until I explode"
i am not going to allow myself to have any external show of emotion because I Am Incorrect In My Emotional Response but inside im losing my shit at 150% speed
theyre not the correct and proper response?? stop trying to ruin me by telling me to feel the feelings im feeling, its obvious to anyone that i am not supposed to be feeling them and they are bad for me and everyone also.
I used to absolutely hate [the phrase "just feel your feelings"], every time I heard it for like two years I'm like "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS" real fucking shit,,,
I do. recommend watching this video. it's rough and there's definitely some amount of like "I can't actually apply this in real life" esp the things that are like
but there are also things that are helpful and also for me it is just helpful to hear someone be like. yeah this is. a way people are? this is what is happening with you?
sign four: if you feel something, but you can't figure out what might have caused that feeling or why you feel it, you just assume that you're wrong about feeling that FUCK THIS VIDEO
also on a selfish level it would be helpful/reassuring to me to know other ppl around me have watched it (at some point when they were in a place when it would hopefully be relatively more ok for them to do so. not directly before going to work. that would be bad.) in a sense of like
I can think to myself "my friends are aware of the things outlined in this video and so hopefully I can safely try to enact some things with them like 'accept that I am hurt by something they did without that meaning they attacked me' or otherwise know that they will not judge me for not being in tune with my emotions the way I Should Be"
CASE IN POINT I BECAME SLIGHTLY UPSET BY PPL SAYING THEY WOULD NOT WATCH IT. AND WAS GOING TO BE LIKE "WELL THAT'S THEIR RIGHT AND I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING." AND IT IS STILL ANYONE'S RIGHT TO NOT WATCH IT IF IT WOULD JUST BE MORE HARMFUL THAN GOOD TO THEM BUT I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO BE OPEN AND HONEST
i started to watch it but had to stop because i realized that doing this before bed was probably a bad idea, but i intend to finish eventually and can report back-
if I'm supposed to pay attention to my body I think my body is trying to tell me we're anxious after openly expressing something that might guilt/impose on other people. I'm assuming that's what the nausea is about. fascinating
or just elect to not watch it and don't tell me you're not doing so and then I will not be sad about you not doing so. that's also street legal and good for both our health
sign number one: you might struggle to feel direct and embodied angerFUCK YOU!!!sign two: you pride yourself on being very stoic and calm in the midst of emotionally intense situationsshut the fI used to absolutely hate [the phrase "just feel your feelings"], every time I heard it for like two years I'm like "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS"real fucking shit,,,sign four: if you feel something, but you can't figure out what might have caused that feeling or why you feel it, you just assume that you're wrong about feeling thatFUCK THIS VIDEO