G'raha, looking at a selfie of Madhuri’s: I hate this photo. Madhuri: I’m cute as f*** in that photo! I’m smiling kindly. G'raha: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something. Madhuri: Up to kindness.
Madhuri, answering the phone: Hello? G'raha: It’s G'raha. Madhuri: What did they do this time? G'raha: No, it’s me, G'raha. It’s actually me. Madhuri: What did you do this time?
Madhuri: Hey, wanna help me commit arson? G'raha: What the hell!? Madhuri: Oh, sorry, my bad. Madhuri, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson? G'raha, whispering: Of course. What do you need?
Nara'a: Hey, what’s the name of the guy who lives down the hall? G'raha: His cats' names are Walter and Rose. Nara'a: That's not what I asked. G'raha: That is all the information I have.
G'raha: Is that a gun?! Madhuri: It's not what it looks like! G'raha: It looks like a gun! Madhuri: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore. G'raha: ...ANYMORE?!
G'raha: Can I go to the pool? Madhuri: Sure, we’ll go as soon as I’m free. G'raha: No, can I go by myself? Marhuri: You don’t want to go with me? G'raha: You just go around challenging random people to cannonball contests. Madhuri: It’s the only way to establish dominance.
Aymeric: Madhuri is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in their entire life! Estinien: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!
Nara'a: Can I borrow five dollars? G'raha: If you’re only borrowing it, does that mean you’ll pay me back? Nara'a: Of course. Nara'a: Not directly, but with my love and affection. G'raha: So that’s a no.
Aymeric teaching Estinien to drive and taking Madhuri along for the ride Aymeric: That's a pothole. To the left! Estinien: Take it back now y'all Drives into pothole Madhuri, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth. Estinien: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Aymeric, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home. Estinien: Country Roads. Madhuri: To the place. Estinien and Madhuri in unison: I Belong! Aymeric, crying harder: What the fuck?
Estinien: I know you love them. Aymeric: I am not in love with Madhuri! Estinien, staring at Aymeric: I never said who... Aymeric: realizes Aymeric: Shit. Well, anyways-
G'raha and Nara'a looking at a locked gate into a park G'raha: Aw. Nara'a: You know what they say. G'raha: Please don’t- Nara'a: BE GAY DO CRIME! hops gate G'raha: Frick-
Madhuri: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve. Estinien: I think you mean cards. Aymeric: They did not. Madhuri, pulling out knives: I did not.
G'raha: Guys, my friend here is bilingual. Madhuri: Yes. G'raha: Which means they like both boys and girls. Madhuri: Ye- wait, what- Nara'a: G'raha, that's not what bilingual means- G'raha: Shhh, it's okay Madhuri. I still love you, man. Madhuri & Nara'a: ... G'raha: bUT NOT LIKE THAT-
Madhuri: What’s your name? G'raha, whispering to Nara'a: Can I tell them my real name? Nara'a: No! G'raha: I’m… Nara'a. Nara'a, whispering to themselves: The ONE TIME they get my name right…
G'raha: So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Nara'a does? What if they jump off a cliff? Madhuri: If Nara'a were to jump off a cliff, they would have done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Nara'a jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Madhuri: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk? G'raha: The final boss. Nara'a: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right? Madhuri: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!
Madhuri: The greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet. G'raha: Why’d you get banned? Madhuri: Touched the rat. G'raha: … What rat? Madhuri: Chunky Cheese.
Madhuri: Wow, G'raha, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you. G'raha: We literally slept together yesterday. Madhuri: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.
Alisaie : When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Alphinaud: Make lemonade! Alisaie : No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.
Alphinaud : Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer. Alisaie : Alphinaud : Alisaie : ...Please, go back to bed.
Alisaie: If I die, you can have what little I own. Alphinaud: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die? Alisaie: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full. Alphinaud: Alphinaud: Sighs Let me call your therapist again.
Alphinaud : How was your day, Alisaie ? Alisaie : Yeah, fine, it's anti-bullying week at school. Alphinaud : Oh? And what does that mean? Alisaie : It means I can't bully anyone for a whole week.
Alphinaud: Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do? Alisaie: Oh… I’d mildly trouble everyone. Alphinaud: Alright, so what would you do? Alisaie: I’d shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw. Alisaie: I’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working.
Alisaie: I’d make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one. Alisaie: And I’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together. Alisaie: And then lastly, I’d snip a little hole in every tea bag. Alphinaud: Alphinaud: Remind me to never allow you to have power.
Alisaie and Alphinaud are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff Alisaie: oh my god, Alphinaud, backwards! Alphinaud: Really, Alisaie? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.
G'raha: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test! Alisaie: Ok, G'raha, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918? G'raha: 1917. Alisaie: ...You're ready.
G'raha: Are you sure this is safe? Alisaie : Safer than Flintstone vitamin gummies in a bottle. Alisaie : Keep twisting, junior! All you’re gonna get is clicks.
G'raha: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact. Alisaie: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.
Alisaie: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind. Alisaie: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Alisaie: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year? G'raha: This is Monopoly.
Saikhanzaya, answering the phone: Hello? Odtsetseg: It’s Odtsetseg. Saikhanzaya: What did they do this time? Odtsetseg: No, it’s me, Odtsetseg. It’s actually me. Saikhanzaya: What did you do this time?
Saikhanzaya: trying to get five seconds of sleep Odsetseg, poking Saikhanzaya’s arm: Saikhanzaya Saikhanzaya. Saikhanzaya. Saikhanzaya. Saikhanzaya: WHAT? Odsetseg: …We’re out of Capri Suns—
Odsetseg: That was a joke. Say ha. Saikhanzaya: Ha. Odsetseg: Now do it again. Saikhanzaya: Ha. Odsetseg: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.
Odtsetseg: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this. Saikhanzaya: I literally said “I have an idea,” and you just went along with it without question.
Odtsetseg is fighting a monster Saikhanzaya: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it! Odtsetseg: The power to believe in myself!? Saikhanzaya: No, a knife! Stab it!
Kidnapper: I have your partner. Alisaie: What? I don't have a partner... Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Alisaie: Oh my god, you have Alphinaud
Alisaie: shatters a window and climbs through it Alisaie: turns around and helps Alphinaud through it Breaking and entering is wrong Alphinaud. Alphinaud: Okay.
Alisaie: Do you ever wonder why you're still single? Alphinaud, eating mayonnaise straight out of the jar with a spoon: Yeah... I mean, I'm perfect! Who wouldn't want to date me? Alisaie, sighing: I can name a few people...
Alisaie: Hey, Saikhanzaya, when you wake up you're legally obligated to agree with me. Saikhanzaya: But I don't..... Alisaie: I don't see why that should be my problem??
Saikhanzaya: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game... Alisaie, nodding: Knife Monopoly. Saikhanzaya: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.
Alisaie: We have to plan, we have to figure something out. Saikhanzaya: Alisaie, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.
Alisaie: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. Alisaie: Lmao, @ Saikhanzaya.
Alisaie: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web. Saikhanzaya: You were too lazy to read the book?! Alisaie: I was too lazy to watch the movie.
Alisaie: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went... OK. G'raha: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG. Alisaie: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO. Alphinaud: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.
Alisaie: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be? Saikhanzaya: Maybe a bit tipsy? Alphinaud: Drunk. G'raha: Wasted. Odtsetaeg: Dead.
Alisaie: I fell— Saikhanzaya: From heaven? Alisaie: No, I literally fell— Saikhanzaya: In love with me the moment you saw me? Alisaie: MY ARM IS BROKEN! Saikhanzaya: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.
Rikku: What are you doing here? Gippal: I could ask you the same question. Rikku: I live here. This is my house. Gippal: I should probably ask you a different question.
Rikku: Wow, Gippal, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you. Gippal: We literally slept together yesterday. Rikku: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.
Ishtar : I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Duzell: Wow. They sound stupid. Ishtar : But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. Duzell: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Ishtar : I guess you’re right. Hey Duzell, I love you. Duzell: See! Just say that! Ishtar : Holy fucking shit. Duzell: If that flies over their head then, sorry Ishtar , but they're too dumb for you. Ishtar : Duzell.
Duzell: Ishtar taught me to think before I act. Duzell: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.
Ishtar: The stars are so beautiful... Duzell: They're just giant balls of gas. Ishtar: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then- Duzell: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you. Ishtar: Oh...
Ishtar : Duzell, do you love me? Duzell: Of course I do! Ishtar : Would you still love me if I did something bad? Duzell: Well, of course I… would… Ishtar : I mean something really, really— Duzell: Ishtar , what did you do?
shtar : I don’t even use tubberware anymore. Duzell: What are you saying? Say it again. Ishtar : Tubberware. Duzell: Say it again. Slow. Ishtar : Tubberware. Duzell: Slow, very slow - actually, say the first syllable. Ishtar : Tub.
Duzell: Wrong. Ishtar : What do you mean, wrong? Duzell: I thought I caught that. You’re saying tub. It’s P. Ishtar : What are you talking about? Duzell: Tupperware. Tupper. Ishtar : It’s tupper! Duzell: It’s tupper, always has been, always will be. Ishtar : I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub.
Belgium is ordering a cake over the phone Shop Employee: …and what would you like your cake to say? Belgium, covering the phone to look at The Squad: Do we want a talking cake?
Belgium: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who. England: Voldemort? Belgium: No. England: Is it Voldemort? Belgium: It's not Voldemort. England: You haven’t mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I’m gonna have to assume it’s Voldemort.
England comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Belgium’s bedroom. Belgium: Babe, are you.. coming to bed? England: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend. England: Lies on the ground and falls asleep Belgium: ...
England: How does one turn their emotions off? Belgium: Okay, so first go to settings. Belgium: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first. England: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?
Belgium, texting England: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater… England′s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later. Later England, texting back: Fuck you.
Nara'a: Ask me to kill for you.
G'raha: ...First of all, calm down-
Madhuri: I’m cute as f*** in that photo! I’m smiling kindly.
G'raha: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something.
Madhuri: Up to kindness.
G'raha: It’s G'raha.
Madhuri: What did they do this time?
G'raha: No, it’s me, G'raha. It’s actually me.
Madhuri: What did you do this time?
G'raha: What the hell!?
Madhuri: Oh, sorry, my bad.
Madhuri, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?
G'raha, whispering: Of course. What do you need?
G'raha: No, no, hold up, rewind.
G'raha: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??
G'raha: His cats' names are Walter and Rose.
Nara'a: That's not what I asked.
G'raha: That is all the information I have.
Madhuri: It's not what it looks like!
G'raha: It looks like a gun!
Madhuri: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore.
G'raha: ...ANYMORE?!
Naoya: Why, are you seducible?
G'raha: Cause I’m one of the idiots who lives in it!
Akechi: That wasn't a voice crack, that was a whole voice meth.
Akechi: Not without crying
Haru, who was dragged into Akechi's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-
Madhuri: Sure, we’ll go as soon as I’m free.
G'raha: No, can I go by myself?
Marhuri: You don’t want to go with me?
G'raha: You just go around challenging random people to cannonball contests.
Madhuri: It’s the only way to establish dominance.
Estinien: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!
Nara'a: Can I borrow five dollars?G'raha: If you’re only borrowing it, does that mean you’ll pay me back?
Nara'a: Of course.
Nara'a: Not directly, but with my love and affection.
G'raha: So that’s a no.
Aymeric: That's a pothole. To the left!
Estinien: Take it back now y'all Drives into pothole
Madhuri, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.
Estinien: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Estinien: Country Roads.
Madhuri: To the place.
Estinien and Madhuri in unison: I Belong!
Aymeric, crying harder: What the fuck?
Aymeric: I am not in love with Madhuri!
Estinien, staring at Aymeric: I never said who...
Aymeric: realizes
Aymeric: Shit. Well, anyways-
G'raha and Nara'a looking at a locked gate into a park
G'raha: Aw.
Nara'a: You know what they say.
G'raha: Please don’t-
Nara'a: BE GAY DO CRIME! hops gate
G'raha: Frick-
Estinien: I think you mean cards.
Aymeric: They did not.
Madhuri, pulling out knives: I did not.
Madhuri: Yes.
G'raha: Which means they like both boys and girls.
Madhuri: Ye- wait, what-
Nara'a: G'raha, that's not what bilingual means-
G'raha: Shhh, it's okay Madhuri. I still love you, man.
Madhuri & Nara'a: ...
G'raha: bUT NOT LIKE THAT-
G'raha: Sleep is the body’s best safety mechanism.Nara'a: How so?
G'raha: It keeps you from screwing up for 8 hours.
G'raha, whispering to Nara'a: Can I tell them my real name?
Nara'a: No!
G'raha: I’m… Nara'a.
Nara'a, whispering to themselves: The ONE TIME they get my name right…
G'raha: I drink to forget but I always remember.Madhuri: You're drinking orange juice.
Madhuri: If Nara'a were to jump off a cliff, they would have done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Nara'a jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Madhuri: Gladly, provided Nara'a did first.
Madhuri: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.G'raha: You mean you stabbed them?
Madhuri: They ran into my knife.
G'raha: The final boss.
Nara'a: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?
Madhuri: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!
Madhuri: The greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet.G'raha: Why’d you get banned?
Madhuri: Touched the rat.
G'raha: … What rat?
Madhuri: Chunky Cheese.
Madhuri: Wow, G'raha, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.G'raha: We literally slept together yesterday.
Madhuri: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.
Akechi: Come on, Haru! How any times do I have to apologize?Haru: Once!
Akechi: ...No.
Akechi: Capitalizing every word in a sentence is vomit inducing.Haru: Enjoy Your Trip To Puke Land, Boy!
Akechi: You’re charged with…..breaking into a pet store?Haru: I thought the animals might be lonely.
Haru: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me.Akechi: But did I make you cry?
Haru: cries on the spot
Akechi: ...Shit.
Alphinaud: Make lemonade!
Alisaie : No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.
Alisaie :
Alphinaud :
Alisaie : ...Please, go back to bed.
did they swap bodies wtf
Alisaie: If I die, you can have what little I own.Alphinaud: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die?
Alisaie: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.
Alphinaud:
Alphinaud: Sighs Let me call your therapist again.
Alisaie : Yeah, fine, it's anti-bullying week at school.
Alphinaud : Oh? And what does that mean?
Alisaie : It means I can't bully anyone for a whole week.
Alphinaud: Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do?Alisaie: Oh… I’d mildly trouble everyone.
Alphinaud: Alright, so what would you do?
Alisaie: I’d shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw.
Alisaie: I’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working.
Alisaie: I’d make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one.Alisaie: And I’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together.
Alisaie: And then lastly, I’d snip a little hole in every tea bag.
Alphinaud:
Alphinaud: Remind me to never allow you to have power.
Alisaie and Alphinaud are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliffAlisaie: oh my god, Alphinaud, backwards!
Alphinaud: Really, Alisaie? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.
G'raha: Am I in trouble?Alisaie: Take a guess.
G'raha: No?
Alisaie: Take another guess.
G'raha: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!Alisaie: Ok, G'raha, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?
G'raha: 1917.
Alisaie: ...You're ready.
Alisaie : Oh no.
G'raha: More like "oh yes!"
Alisaie : Thanks, it's the trauma.
Alisaie : Safer than Flintstone vitamin gummies in a bottle.
Alisaie : Keep twisting, junior! All you’re gonna get is clicks.
G'raha: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact.Alisaie: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.
Alisaie: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.Alisaie: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Alisaie: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
G'raha: This is Monopoly.
Odtsetseg: It’s Odtsetseg.
Saikhanzaya: What did they do this time?
Odtsetseg: No, it’s me, Odtsetseg. It’s actually me.
Saikhanzaya: What did you do this time?
Saikhanzaya: trying to get five seconds of sleepOdsetseg, poking Saikhanzaya’s arm: Saikhanzaya Saikhanzaya. Saikhanzaya. Saikhanzaya.
Saikhanzaya: WHAT?
Odsetseg: …We’re out of Capri Suns—
Odsetseg: That was a joke. Say ha.Saikhanzaya: Ha.
Odsetseg: Now do it again.
Saikhanzaya: Ha.
Odsetseg: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.
Saikhanzaya: I literally said “I have an idea,” and you just went along with it without question.
Saikhanzaya: Someone will die...Odsetseg: Of fun!
Saikhanzaya: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it!
Odtsetseg: The power to believe in myself!?
Saikhanzaya: No, a knife! Stab it!
Alisaie: We what?
Alisaie: What? I don't have a partner...
Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?
Alisaie: Oh my god, you have Alphinaud
I think this needs to be reversed
Alisaie: turns around and helps Alphinaud through it Breaking and entering is wrong Alphinaud.
Alphinaud: Okay.
make it stop xD
Alphinaud, eating mayonnaise straight out of the jar with a spoon: Yeah... I mean, I'm perfect! Who wouldn't want to date me?
Alisaie, sighing: I can name a few people...
Saikhanzaya: But I don't.....
Alisaie: I don't see why that should be my problem??
Saikhanzaya: I almost died.
Alisaie: That... was my favorite memory.
Saikhanzaya: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game...Alisaie, nodding: Knife Monopoly.
Saikhanzaya: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.
Alisaie: We have to plan, we have to figure something out.Saikhanzaya: Alisaie, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.
Alisaie: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch.Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with.
Alisaie: Lmao, @ Saikhanzaya.
Alisaie: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web.Saikhanzaya: You were too lazy to read the book?!
Alisaie: I was too lazy to watch the movie.
G'raha: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG.
Alisaie: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO.
Alphinaud: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.
G'raha: NaBrO.
Saikhanzaya: I'm done with all of you!
Saikhanzaya: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Alphinaud: Drunk.
G'raha: Wasted.
Odtsetaeg: Dead.
Alisaie: I fell—Saikhanzaya: From heaven?
Alisaie: No, I literally fell—
Saikhanzaya: In love with me the moment you saw me?
Alisaie: MY ARM IS BROKEN!
Saikhanzaya: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.
Rikku, texting back: Wait a minute, I can’t find my phone
Gippal: Understood
Gippal, 5 minutes later: You’re a terrible person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing me, Rikku.
Rikku: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.Gippal: I photosynthesize with this.
Gippal: Rikku, how could you possibly have gotten into this much trouble in one day?Rikku: It... It didn't take me the whole day...
Rikku: What are you doing here?Gippal: I could ask you the same question.
Rikku: I live here. This is my house.
Gippal: I should probably ask you a different question.
Rikku: Wow, Gippal, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.Gippal: We literally slept together yesterday.
Rikku: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.
Rikku: I feel like doing something stupid.Gippal: I’m stupid, do me.
Duzell: Ishtar -
Duzell: It- it was just an ant-
Duzell: Talk dirty to me~Ishtar: Inflation is a serious problem and lumber prices are at a high.
Duzell: Wha-
Ishtar: The economy is in shambles.
Duzell: Wow. They sound stupid.
Ishtar : But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
Duzell: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Duzell: See! Just say that!
Ishtar : Holy fucking shit.
Duzell: If that flies over their head then, sorry Ishtar , but they're too dumb for you.
Ishtar : Duzell.
Duzell: I can’t believe we have to be stuck in this room together!Ishtar, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate.
Duzell: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.
Ishtar: Are you a masochist or a sadist?Duzell, deadpan: I’m a Taurus.
Ishtar: Holy shit, Duzell, do you know what this means?!Duzell: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.
Duzell: Oh god… what’s your blood type?!
Ishtar : B positive…
Duzell: I’m trying to but you’re bleeding-
Duzell: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?Ishtar: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.
Duzell: I'm not having this conversation with you.
Ishtar: The stars are so beautiful...Duzell: They're just giant balls of gas.
Ishtar: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-
Duzell: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.
Ishtar: Oh...
Ishtar: I have a problem.Duzell: Kill it.
Ishtar: Can you chill for like, two seconds?
Duzell: Of course I do!
Ishtar : Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Duzell: Well, of course I… would…
Ishtar : I mean something really, really—
Duzell: Ishtar , what did you do?
Duzell: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??Ishtar: What the hell do you do?
Duzell: I die? What kinda question...
Duzell: What are you saying? Say it again.
Ishtar : Tubberware.
Duzell: Say it again. Slow.
Ishtar : Tubberware.
Duzell: Slow, very slow - actually, say the first syllable.
Ishtar : Tub.
Ishtar : What do you mean, wrong?
Duzell: I thought I caught that. You’re saying tub. It’s P.
Ishtar : What are you talking about?
Duzell: Tupperware. Tupper.
Ishtar : It’s tupper!
Duzell: It’s tupper, always has been, always will be.
Ishtar : I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub.
Shop Employee: …and what would you like your cake to say?
Belgium, covering the phone to look at The Squad: Do we want a talking cake?
Belgium: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who.England: Voldemort?
Belgium: No.
England: Is it Voldemort?
Belgium: It's not Voldemort.
England: You haven’t mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I’m gonna have to assume it’s Voldemort.
England comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Belgium’s bedroom.Belgium: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?
England: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend.
England: Lies on the ground and falls asleep
Belgium: ...
Belgium: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.England: I’m worried about you.
England: How does one turn their emotions off?Belgium: Okay, so first go to settings.
Belgium: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first.
England: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?
Belgium, texting England: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater…England′s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later.
Later
England, texting back: Fuck you.
England: Belgium and I are no longer dating.Belgium: England, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.