[RP Culture] General question out of curiosity: how many red flags before you decide to stop associating with a player? And how severe?

It's very tricky for me, because I'll sometimes get a little irked by things, but I'll hardly ever consider something a red flag. So to get me to the point where I'd stop associating is......... Well it's not impossible, but the other person would have to be a certain level of awful and show no remorse or inclination to change.

And that last bit is what's most important to me, because if the other person is confronted with their behavior and does show the will to change, why would I not give them that chance?

Yeah, I don't usually recognize that a flag is red until long after... other people sometimes point it out to me, but then I have to struggle with how much to weigh that info because I sure have been friends with/dated people that saw flags where they didn't exist or just otherwise cut people off

Yeah, I'm with Meowzy both in that... I'm not sure I would recognize a lot as a red flag, at least as a rule, but if someone is actively making me uncomfortable and when brought to their attention, there is no effort to change? That's a dealbreaker, so really it boils down to my comfort levels

Good point about seeing flags where there aren't actually any. It can be very subjective, sometimes, and especially when it's passed on through someone else, the 'story' can get distorted.

The only time I ever cut someone out of my RP life was when it was a person who kept lashing out at everyone around them in the most paranoid/accusing way possible, giving the entire friend group (including myself) panic attacks. And whenever they were confronted with their behavior, no matter how nicely we worded it, they'd lash out all over again.

If I get bad vibes from someone I just quietly avoid them/don't tag them/mind my business. When I see them actively bothering/harassing my friends tho I immediatelycut them off/defriend/block. I ain't got time for that.

I have a pretty long proverbial fuse tbh, my biggest red flag is if the person keeps compounding a mistake/problem we discussed, and doesn't seem to understand why something bothers me personally.

Someone doubling down on bad behavior usually makes me nope out, since c'mon, man, we talked about this a few times!

If its honest mistakes, I always let it go. If its belligerent behavior and stubbornness to actually hear me, its a Naw

Oof I am...a bad person to advise on this because I'm often...great at saying 'yeah, thats a red flag, better cut a cord here' to others, and then.....Failing to catch any in front of my face....

The advice up here seems to cover about anything I can think of though...

I also think some things that are seen as red flags in other areas of the internet/maybe this hobby would never be dealbreakers for me in dwrp? Like, headcanon preferences are not something I'd stop association over. Ship preferences are not something I'd stop association over. It is about the personal interactions in my book

I'll admit that lately I've had to seriously reconsider where to draw a line for someone's interpersonal behavior though, in terms of just. How pushy they are, or how negative, etc....it's hard sometimes!

DWRP is such a collaborative hobby, it's honestly more about 'does this person get along with others well? Are they listening to other people?' Social behavior is usually the bigger decider than headcanons

I will say if having someone in my internet space is stressful and we're not talking and not rping together anyway, I may unfriend them without the intent being a move to never associate with them. In my opinion that's healthier (I'd argue for both parties!) than keeping them around. No one else will or should have to curate my online space, you know?

I will put up a lot but I'll nope if there's constant aggression/negging/etc

toonish: Yes, I do that a lot, too. Some people just give me a vibe, and if I can just quietly unfollow them without much drama I do

I've just been in a really sociological mood lately and was randomly thinking about it, thank you all for indulging me

It's so nice to see RP being much more chill than it was when I first started (cough cough) years ago

Most of us are just old(er) and tired, and want to prioritize our chill, I think.

Yea

There are some ppl who I personally have no issue with but I know several others do, and I will avoid engaging both in the same circles cuz who needs that drama

I tend to have a very good vibe check but usually opt more for gently avoiding or slowly associating less. Only once have i ever personally asked an rper directly not to tag me any more and it was a very simple clean one and done no thank you please

Usually if someone is red flags i catch it early enough to not ever get really involved and in the rare cases i do they often end up drifting from me anyway. Im Teflon to Drama i seem to avoid it without even trying

haunted nipples : Hard same, honestly. I used to be a magnet because, well, super empathic dude! But boundaries are a huge deal

Red flags I personally see? If they are about how they treat myself or others, not many. If they talk about others behind their backs, if they treat others unfairly, are dishonest, basically I have zero reason to assume that won't be done to me. So those flags are immediate reasons to get out. If they are red flags by someone I know way too many instances of

people getting wrong, misleading or misconstrued information turned on them in the past so I generally take those with a big old grain of salt until I see something that makes me get my own gut feeling.

I've seen way more people give themselves away in how they treat others in front of me, somehow thinking I wouldn't realize they would then also treat me the same way behind my back, then I have with people I have been 'warned about' which are decent people.

YES, this. Whenever I see someone being two-faced online I sidestep around them big time

for me, it's controlling behaviour. I cut 'em out and don't miss 'em. Don't tell me how to play my character, hypothetical person, and don't tell other people what to do regarding my character.

It doesn't happen often, but there's still a non-zero frequency

Due to my personal experience, I quietly disassociate after just a couple of red flags that stand out to me. I too many times overlooked red flags and it landed me in some toxic online 'friendships'. Big ones for me are controlling behavior and heavily one-sided conversations where the other party sounds more like they're working an agenda than chatting.

the big one for me is redirection of all conversations towards the other person, especially if it's a conversation about a concern I have about their behavior; constant fishing for reassurance; and getting extremely close extremely quickly. and I say "one" because these qualities have generally come in a cluster

otoh if someone gives me bad vibes or just stresses me out to interact with I don't feel any need to have them in my space. I also don't think it's necessary to be tight with somebody to rp in the context of dwrp, it's not like aim rp or whatever where by default are already in a dm

This ... is generally my feeling about it too, actually! Especially the realization that certain things tend to cluster

yeah it's something that took me way too many unhealthy friendships to realize but GOT THERE IN THE END