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I just...want my friend back. Give her back
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I don't want to wake up like this every fucking day for the rest of my life
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Rolling over and having reality hit me like a train
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And just crying for the first 30 min of consciousness everyday
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I'm in the middle of purchasing our first home and I want Pana to see the changes we make to it
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ โข
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ โข
it hurts so bad and I canโt even imagine how much worse it hurts for you, I wish I could do anything at all
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ โข
it just finally really hit me at midnight last night
โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐
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I'm so grateful to my program director for giving me the week off. I've just been leaky since Saturday
ีแดีชัีผิตวสาฏ แฐแดษพีช
It's so hard
ีแดีชัีผิตวสาฏ แฐแดษพีช
but you are not alone
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My poor boyfriend. I've been useless since Saturday
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When's it gonna stop feeling like glass shards are poking outta my heart
ีแดีชัีผิตวสาฏ แฐแดษพีช
I don't know
ีแดีชัีผิตวสาฏ แฐแดษพีช
it's so hard
ีแดีชัีผิตวสาฏ แฐแดษพีช
but it's proof
ีแดีชัีผิตวสาฏ แฐแดษพีช
I think one day it will start feeling like something else
ีแดีชัีผิตวสาฏ แฐแดษพีช
like scaffolding
ีแดีชัีผิตวสาฏ แฐแดษพีช
it's for building something new
boop snoot riot
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I think I'm gonna hang up my art from her as the first things I do in our new house
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And this
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She bought it for me because I most identify with the Moon tarot
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And my aesthetic is def rose gold so. Rose quartz.
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I always have it near my art desk
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I have never in my life sat Shiva or understood it despite culturally being Jewish
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And weirdly I suddenly understand the desire to just sit around for 7 days and exchange stories with people who knew pana
antler queen
that's not weird
antler queen
I never understood either really, every other death I've experienced was anticipated, so it never seemed to feel comforting
antler queen
but it does now
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I keep coming back to plurk furiously refreshing to hoard even these small pieces of Pana.
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I can't wait to have that server
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I know we are purchasing a house RN but I just. Want to use time and money to visit people now.
antler queen
same, same.
antler queen
I keep looking back at all of it over the past week or however long
antler queen
she was just here
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She was. I can't believe it
antler queen
I think I spent two days going... if I keep reading this plurk it will end differently. She was just here, why can't we get a reset, it's not that far back.
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Sean and I keep talking about rearranging reality. Like it shouldn't be this hard right
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ โข
thatโs how I keep feeling too, like thereโs no way this is right
antler queen
like she could just show up going oh oops you'll never believe this but they made a mistake with reality
antler queen
and we could all believe that because gestures to the last 5ish years being increasingly unrealistic
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Are you fucking kidding me? I just shattered my phone
antler queen
oh no
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fuck casetify and their shitty fucking cases
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this is LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME I'ever had this case and have ever dropped my phone in this case
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I give up on life today
Psi
I haven't been talking about because it somehow feels like it's not my place. But know that I'm here, we're all here for you.
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Psi
: how is it not your place??? you knew her even longer than me
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did you know in my brain in those early days you two were like.. a package
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when I thought of her I thought of you and vice versa
Psi
I really don't know. I never met her in person. But yeah I knew her a super long time.
Psi
I found a link to the Siren's Pull wiki yesterday and it brought a lot back. She really loved that game
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she really did
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also Psi you were our resident cryptid
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before that term really took off on the internet
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I am saying all of this extremely fondly
Psi
I can tell you are saying it fondly and am genuinely honored to have been the resident cryptid
give me flowers
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holy shit
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I found one of the first mixes she ever made that I saved
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for Mononoke
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I saved it to my computer
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I listened to it everyday on my way to class my first semester of college
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Fall 2008
antler queen
oh my gosh mononoke
antler queen
she made such good playlists!!!
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she really did. I have a couple others in the old harddrive
Psi
She introduced me to Mononoke.