Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Starting off this morning with feelings of "nothing you do will get be right/good enough. Ever."
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
You work real hard to be a good worker, "lol jk you fucking suck"
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You work hard to achieve something, but you've got nothing to show for your hard work and you've gotten nowhere
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Kay cool cool cool cool cool
Catgirl Crimes
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Catgirl Crimes
This can be a mood and it’s like why brain
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SCREAMS INTO THE DISTANCE
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I get back in after lunch in time to only set my stuff down and clocked in and immediately get bombarded with having to get information from someone, then yelled at for being in the chart for a second to get the paperwork and put the information in... And then it goes missing and then I need to out a Har on something for the guy that went missing...
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And then yelled at on the phone about how it's gone and they can't find their shit whole I'm like where the fuck did it go? And then whole doing all that, someone forgot their badge and I had to give them mine apparently to get through while also being bombarded to scan someone else's insurance in and still need to finish the first guy
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And I'm sitting here like I'M ONLY ONE PERSON AND I LITERALLY BARELY JUST GOT BACK CHILL
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So many fucking issues with this and I just want to scream
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I want to just go back to bed actually but that's not happening
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So a break down of all the bullshit
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
1) someone came in through ambulance and the person covering who took the call initially pushes the task of that getting that info on me. Like no, you can go and get that info and come back after. I'll put the shit in, you can at least get that much
Dragons Dragons
I'm sorry...
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
2) So I work to put his info in but find he does, in fact, have an account in. But only because the coworker put it in before me?? Okay whatever. So then I try to put that information I got from the patient in and not even a minute into being in the chart, I get a call from the ER nurse bitching at me to get out to chart in. Which is annoying but w.e.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Two people can't be in it at the same time. So it's whatever. The thing that bugs me is that I wasn't even in it that long and I get yelled at for it....
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
3) So I leave to get out despite nothing filled out and it just fucking disappears like...??? Where the hell did it go? I sure as hell didn't cancel it. All I did was back out...
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
4) In the time I'm trying to figure that out, I get a call from radiology asking why there's no HAR attached to his thing and how they need that... And not in a nice, "hey btw" type of way. So now I have to figure out how to do that with the er visit completely missing. Found the xray one at least did that.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
5) And right after (literally right after) that's taken care of, the ER nurse calls back to bitch about where did it go and basically claimed, "you must have cancelled it somehow." Which no... No I did not.... I didn't know what was going on so I had to put it in AGAIN.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
6) While ime trying to fill things out, print the stuff that's needed, and get that finished, a clinic doctor come over saying they need my badge because they forgot theirs and I just want to fucking scream because in the year and a half ish that I've been here, I've only forgotten my badge at home 3 times. But everyone fucking forgets it or leaves it at
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
home ALL OF THE TIME. So I always have to get the door for them and I'm just yelling like... WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN SO FREQUENTLY??? I usually just let them in but in the midst of all this I don't have to time to, so I have to just hand my badge over to them (which I shouldn't have to) so they can get the one they left on their desk.....
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
7) Finally getting done with printing things Ect, about to go and bring that over and the coworker is still up here. I tell her I've got it because the other one downstairs is going to get pissy that she's been up here this long. And then before I can take what I needed over, she has me scan in some insurance because the other scanner sucks I guess?
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
About to leave with that done to drop the papers off and she goes "oh shoot did I scan this?" which makes me just... "Give it here. I'll scan it in later." like I just... Fucking leave. I'll do it...
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And with all this shit going on and people yelling at me for things that are not my god damn fault with no breathing room at all since coming back from lunch... I'm over it
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I'm so tired mentally and physically. I'm so stressed and in constant fear that I'm going to lose my job no matter what I do for stupid shit that I can't control. Some of it I can but for ever step forward I make, something happens that I inevitably fuck up and sets me back 2 steps again to make me look worse than I do.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I'm not perfect. I'm nowhere near perfect and have plenty of faults, but mental health had kicked in hard this last week or two and I'm trying to find the energy to deal with it in a healthy way.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
The worst thing is that my problem is I probably just nerd to calm down and not overreact to stuff, but I don't think that I can more than what I try because it's just who I am, sadly enough. And that's really depressing the think about how I'm probably my own enemy here and I feel trapped
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I'm that worthless asshole who despite everything I try, I will never measure up.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And these little things that stack up that by themselves, aren't a big deal... They are when I'm already stressed and trying to manage.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I am so so so tired especially today. Like there are things I need to do yet and I'll get to them, but despite sleeping enough hours last night, I am so drained and don't have the energy or mental capacity today to do anything. And then of course I'm here for 12 hours today too...
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I just feel so stupid and worthless most of the time. Am I really? Of course not. I realize this, but even if I'm aware that my perception of myself is wrong, the feeling doesn't go away. Even if I know that it's bad brain and it's not true. I just linger on "but what if I just disappeared?"
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I don't go into the territory of wanting to kill myself or hurting myself or anything like that because I refuse to let myself sink that far, but man it is a fucking feeling.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And then there's certain circles where I'm like "man I had such a good time here at first" and then I look back now and consider "but what if I just left. It's not like anyone would miss me in this circle anyway. I've fallen behind and no one gives a shit about me there anymore"
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Anyway. I'm going to sink into the cheesecake finally from lunch time and watch some youtube on my phone to distract myself from this shitty feeling that I've been feeling for the past two days for sure and longer midly.
Dragons Dragons
★𝑙𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑒
★𝑙𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑒
what a dumpster fire . I'm sorry :/
🔥ғɪʀᴇ ғɪsᴛ ᴀᴄᴇ🔥
