phone calls with my mother are always...something. Just learned about a traumatic thing from middle school that I apparently blacked out entirely? Like even listening to her talk about it I fundamentally do not recall the events she describes despite remembering most of that year fairly well.

I'm like stuck in a processing state, lol.

and it was so matter of fact too, I brought up some medical stuff I have going on that we're trying to figure out and shes just like "Oh did you tell them about X" and I'm like... what are you talking about?

the fact that this happened almost bothers me less than that I can't remember anything about it or even the recovery period from it.

also learning that my bullying was FAR more serious than I thought it was. thats new information to process.

handshake emoji for "brain just erases traumatic shit"

its so fucking disturbing to have a huge black hole in your memory for something big and you dont even realize its there until One Day

its so weird because my brain is just like pushing back so hard against it. Its like, maybe she's confused, that can't have happened, surely I'd remember something.