I started talking about this a little in the other plurk and then ended up being like 'wait nvm I should not go into full detail in a plurk not marked for this subject'
but basically the king game fallout changed his mental landscape significantly. prior to that he did sometimes still have like 'man I'm so upset I want to lay down and give up' moments (mostly with nnk) but they were like, specific and sparing and also really linked to having the suggestion actively in front of him
but that has been the entirety of button game for him is just his brain going 'you should just die, just die, just stop trying and die' and him going 'FUCK YOU JUST FOR THAT I'M GOING TO KILL EVERYONE'
but also if he had run into anyone who had actually just offered to throw for him he would have lost it a little at them bc he also does not want OTHER people to just give up and die in front of him
if there is one thing I am a little sad/embarrassed about it's that TO BE FAIR I AM ALWAYS SELF-CONSCIOUS HAVING AN OBVIOUS BREAKDOWN WITH A CHARACTER so there is that, but also I feel like there was a point prior to king's game when it felt like Yuki had the potential to end up in sort of an anchor position on Salamander
tho tbh I probably already kind of dropped the ball on allowing that to happen when I died around when Leona intro'd but having two dramatic breakdowns in a row does def hurt one's impression of being reliable. single tear
going through stuff to grab possible ppp memshare scenes and I discover a fun new dimension to the mother complex I somehow didn't pick up on the last 17 times I have consumed the parent-teacher conference scene which is
I have said before that it's kind of tragic/ironic that Yuki's mommy issues are so much worse than his daddy issues because his mom actually made any effort to exist in his life whatsoever but that is a little more intense than I was thinking at that time.
essentially tho to him there is a part of his brain still hooked on the concept of dying as escape/surrender, and in that regard because losing potentially meant dying, there was the intrusive thought engine revving perpetually from that angle in his head the whole game,
but on a less death-oriented level there is also the aspect of just becoming more passive and more resigned which is also something he knows he does and wants to change about himself
BEATING UP EVE AND PUTTING HER THROUGH THE PHYSICAL AND VERBAL RINGER, WHILE IT DIDN'T TECHNICALLY CHANGE THE OUTCOME, DID ACTUALLY MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT TBH
because it was not like how he behaved in Finch's room during the hostage game for example where he just said nothing to advocate for himself and let them do whatever they wanted because he was internally like 'well obviously their teammate matters more to them than me so they may as well get it over with'
this is something I really love abt Yuki's arc in furuba honestly is that it's solidly an upward movement personal growth arc where the endgoal is really him becoming more selfish and a bigger asshole
where in the beginning he is someone completely penned in by trying to be what other people want from him without even having a clear picture of what that is
Zwei yelled YOU ALMOST DIED!! at him before and at that time he did not correct her because like. it was not the time to be like 'well actually I possibly did die,'
basically he did asphyxiate in the coffin but then he was also revived in the coffin and it's hard to tell what is going on when you are in the dark and having a bad brain episode and dying again ok,
Yuki, as a 6 year old: