duck bastard
So grandmother had family over, and, after they left, she complained about how her SIL just "sat like a queen" and didn't help out. And I'm curious, plurk, how much do you expect guests to help out when they visit...?
raspberrydrink
depends on 1) how long they are staying 2) how much they put me out
☆ 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 ☆
depends on if they specifically came over to help with something or not
raspberrydrink
like usually? Not at all, esp if I invited them
raspberrydrink
but if they stay for days they can pick up after themselves
☆ 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 ☆
if not, then i don't expect anything, but if they did come to help with something i expect them to do it
raspberrydrink
^
MR SEPHIROTH
yeah. zero much unless I specifically ask them for help with something. they're guests.
joker
I don't expect visitors to do much of anything, except pick up after themselves generally (and even then if it's like, dinner, I'll probably move to grab empty plates and stuff rather than make them do it)
MR SEPHIROTH
they can... throw out their own trash if they create any?
joker
but I know sometimes people have different expectations for family, especially female family members... still feels weird to expect anything from an SIL though
duck bastard
yeah, I'm kind of leeery on that aspect too, but I don't know if her brother actually did anything. I mean, it's my grandmother, so I absolutely wouldn't be surprised if it was double standards
duck bastard
but also I can't say for certain
soap.
oh SISTER in law, I thought you meant son in law
MR SEPHIROTH
there are circumstances where I think it's polite to offer help as a guest, like if your hosts really went all out with dinner, but I wouldn't be like wow what a dick if someone didn't... sometimes the most helpful thing is just to stay out of someone's way
joker
^ also this, if I'm not already familiar with someone's house then me trying to help would just require me to ask a bunch of questions that probably slows everything down lol
joker
like at my parents' or my aunt's house I pitch in to clean up because I know where everything goes and is but I'm also there all the time and have been since I was a child lol
MR SEPHIROTH
yeah, exactly. the circumstances where I feel most comfortable helping out are like... at friends' houses where we have previously lived together and I know how they do shit.
FʀᴏᴍTʜᴇFɪʀᴇ
depends on 1) how long they're staying 2) how well I know them/what our specific relationship is 3) the context of how I know them/what I know THEIR expectations for guests are
FʀᴏᴍTʜᴇFɪʀᴇ
because like. I expect that people who expect guests to help when visiting them, will help when they visit you
✨Rikkai Trash✨
yeeeeaaah this is VERY, VERY contextual imo
✨Rikkai Trash✨
which also makes it a subject rife with opportunities for guest and host to not be on the same page
duck bastard
nod nod nod
duck bastard
yeah, her brother and sister in law were in the area for the weekend, but they also weren't staying in our place (there is no guest room anyway lmao so), and they often were out and about with my grandmother seeing local sights anyway
☆ 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 ☆
yeah, if they weren't even staying there's no expecting them to help imo
duck bastard
there was one (1) nice dinner with a ham and various veggies, but, y'know
duck bastard
other than that, they went out to eat
papermint tiger
It's nice if a guest helps, but tbh I would feel embarrassed if one volunteered to help with anything. Like I was doing a bad job as host
papermint tiger
To clarify this is like. The dishes and stuff
papermint tiger
If they are staying over they can clean up their bedrooms
Kaysper
I think the general rule in my family household is that if you don't help out with dinner, then you help out with the dishes. Even if that's just busing them back to the sink. Only exceptions are if you're too young or too old to be handling breakables.
Gayple
definitely depends on the length of the stay and how much extra work they bring with them. my house has a Lego box for kids to use when families visit, and the expectation is that whoever uses the Legos is the one who cleans them up.
Gayple
but just hanging out for a couple hours and not making much of a mess? nah, just hang out, I'll do the cleaning later
Gayple
staying for a few nights? clean up any messes you make (like, tidy up the area you're sleeping in so it can be used during the day) but that's it
Gayple
longer than 5 days stay is where I start to go "you're more of a roommate now, help with chores and food costs plz"