Quinneapolis
[dark] I have a weird recurring paranoid anxiety about anasthesia
Quinneapolis
and it has no basis in reality, just
Quinneapolis
it comes up in my head whenever I'm about to go under
Quinneapolis
and it's
Quinneapolis
"what if anaesthesia doesn't actually knock you unconscious"
Quinneapolis
"what if you're wide awake, paralyzed, and in unimaginable pain the whole time, then the anaesthesia just makes you forget afterwards"
Quinneapolis
like there's no reason that would be the case but
Quinneapolis
it's also impossible to disprove
Quinneapolis
I read a Stephen King short story about something similar once and I think it just rooted into my brain
Quinneapolis
as my horror-hating aunt said about King after reading one of his short stories
Quinneapolis
"He is so good at painting an image in your head, but there are some images that I do NOT want in my head"
Rama
Not to be insensitive, but this kind of opens up the philosophical question of whether there is a difference
Quinneapolis
there is during the procedure
Rama
Of whether if your awareness of an entirely internal state of being being nullified in the moment or after the fact actually matters
Quinneapolis
anyway even this weird phobia was not enough to make me hesitate even briefly when offered the chance to go under for stent removal later
Quinneapolis
like it's impossible to overstate
Rama
But if your awareness of the procedure is taken away to the point where you can never perceive it at all after the fact, it's impossible to say if it happened at all
Quinneapolis
the usual pain scale marks 10 as "the worst pain you can imagine"
Quinneapolis
getting that stent out was beyond a 10
Rama
(Actually it isn't because pain leaves chemical traces in the body you could test for if you wanted)
Quinneapolis
it was a level of pain I had never previously imagined possible
Quinneapolis
and yes there are all kinds of counterarguments about the logic and verifiability and pointlessness of it
Rama
Oh yeah that's something you never want to perceive
Quinneapolis
but I am not like this because of Rational Concern
dragon time
Oh god I remember that story or possibly another story along the same lines except the guy in question is on the autopsy table
dragon time
I think about it every so often
dragon time
By all accounts kidney stones suck and you have my sympathy for your experiences
Quinneapolis
it was the autopsy one yeah
bluecanary
oh no friend....im so sorry that it hurt that much 8(
Quinneapolis
if I think about it I still feel myself tense up and panic a little
Quinneapolis
like I have deadass minor PTSD about it
Echo
I don't blame you, that sounds incredibly awful.
RobotApocalypse
so. general anesthesia is actually a combo of 2 drugs, one that knocks you out and one that paralyzes you. and there have actually been cases where someone was not given enough of the first drug and was awake through the surgery.
RobotApocalypse
and the thing is that they can sometimes manage to move or react just enough that someone at the table is able to notice they're awake and it suddenly becomes an emergency to get them unconscious again
RobotApocalypse
which would not be a thing if it was simply expected that patients would be conscious the entire time and only forget afterwards
RobotApocalypse
so now you can have a whole different fear instead, you're welcome? 
Quinneapolis
RobotApocalypse
if it's any consolation it's extremely rare for waking anesthesia to happen
RobotApocalypse
but that doesn't stop me from being paranoid about it either........
Quinneapolis
every one of these scenarios is terrifying
Quinneapolis
I don't even like normal amounts of pain!
RobotApocalypse
yeah it's horrifying
Lightning Bolt
i'm reminded of that one webcomic/animation about a button where pressing it transports you to an empty dimension for a million years and then transports you back at the exact moment you left and erases your memory
Lightning Bolt
and you get a million dollars
Quinneapolis
terrifying