I feel like no matter how much time, fanart, money, effort or attention I give, I'll never be a good enough man for the people I simp for cause there's so many wonderful specimens of male VTubers they can fall in love with

I'm just a nuisance even with a T3 sub, they purposefully ignore my chats

I'm a shithead

I shouldn't fall in love with VTubers

is this even love? I know that I'll never see them in the flesh, I'm not seeking a parasocial relationship

just the agonizing defeat of seeing someone you simp for laugh louder in the presence of another man...

it is difficult sometimes I've been like "should I get into VTubers?" but I know what I'm like and that that would probably be a problem for me

there are various twitch streamers and such I watch (and I guess it's not super different) - I was watching one recently where someone in the chat was like "I love you, (streamer)!" and the streamer was like "I don't love you!" and there was some (good-natured) chat about how harsh that seemed

but the streamer's point was that they love having people in the chat! but that they don't love the people in the chat, because how can they? they don't know them, they're just words in the chatbox

they like and appreciate people hanging out in the stream, "but just hanging out in the stream doesn't make you my friend, or anything"

I'm sure it's not the explicit purpose of all VTubers but there is the risk of them kind of... being able to take advantage of loneliness as a commodity, playing up "I'm your friend and you're in my special community!" because that's what brings in the revenue

and I stay away from that because I know I wouldn't be able to deal with the emotional-social disconnect of it :\

(and I have no money haha)

it's doable cause love has all sorts of forms. but yeah always go for the people who do it for fun and can afford it really

cause some will try and get people to pay everything for them

there are some who you emotionally connect with so much that you just wanna feed them though. I know when I should stop and it's very soon

yeah, it's a very fine line between wanting to support someone and see them do well and that turning into some kind of codependency ;;

I get embarrassed now thinking about comedians I used to like, and ones I fell for hard - and it would be like, they'd have stand-up routines about being single or how dating was difficult or how impossible it was to find love

and I'd be like "that's so relatable!" and then feel comfortable that that comedian was emotionally relatable to me, that I wasn't alone in feeling this way

then it'd be like "oh (comedian) has been dating (other comedian) for the past 9 years and they just went public with it" or whatever and it would be like oh... I didn't know them at all...

and I mean, obviously I didn't, but it hurt to think that they were relatable and that my experiences could be in any way similar to theirs when of course they couldn't, they're celebrities and can date other celebrities and whatever

but it was easy to forget that, at the time