Nathaniel, trying to figure out slang: "well, I want to crush whatever is important to him and be acknowledged as the victor while always knowing that unless dead there's the threat of his revenge"
no one wants to be here. it's very sad. Nathaniel goes to all the effort of elaborate revenge work/sometimes even suggesting that being worth revenge means might have a place on the side of evil being useful
maybe there should be a little less 'i can't believe you stole my stuff' and a little more 'wow it's nice that you put effort into this relationship', he's just saying
meanwhile nat & being useful to superiors is about 90% pragmatic awareness that this is life or death. and his self-worth revolves around his hero worship of dead people
on the side of evilbeing useful