well yesterday may have been a wash but it also made me catch up on sleep, so silver lining is that I was awake before 9 today and I made it to the grocery store (and home) well ahead of the church crowd. so today is already more productive. even if grocery shopping after getting paid may have been a bad idea lol.

I'm determined to at least dabble in things today, even if I have to sort of force myself into it

I realized I have a bad habit of falling into "well I can only do X at such-and-such time" and similar, due to trying to anticipate possible interruptions and the like...

which has basically resulted in only giving myself a small "free time" window. and I think is part of why so often on work days I end up at 10pm going "ok now I'm ready to do X, but it's late " or the general "where the fuck did the last X hours go, I've done nothing" vibe

so I'm going to try to kick myself out of that mindset, among other things

(I just really really hate interruptions, especially by people who could not care less that they might be interrupting me. so I have this annoying well-solidified habit of trying to structure everything around other people -.- granted that's not the only reason for that but we're not psychoanalyzing myself further today lol)

ANYWAY

just trying for pain-free, good-to-decent vibes today

and if I don't wind up being Productive that's okay, as long as I don't end the day feeling like I wasted it. I'd rather nip that feeling in the bud at least

/rambles

speaking of interruptions and distractions, ugh lucky me, my stepfather keeps coming downstairs to water his plants (they have a couple standing gardens in the backyard, and the first round of plants he starts in the unfinished part of the basement until the snow/frost is finally gone and then they get planted outside)

it wouldn't be as bad if any task didn't take him 10x longer than a normal person. partly because of his bad circulation and other issues making him slow, but mostly because for whatever reason he will take a million breaks to drink/smoke/do something else

it's mildly infuriating whenever I have to help them with something because I, like a normal person, want to do the task and get it done. but he'll do like one step, and then after dicking around for 20 minutes will maybe be ready for the next step

(okay no idea why it turned that into a link but whatever, fixed)

also his bad circulation and difficulty moving around means when he walks he constantly drags his feet, so I have to deal with the sound of slippers scuffing constantly against the floor when he's moving around down here, and it's half the level of nails on a chalkboard for me

honestly I'm amazed he still comes downstairs for any reason because he can barely manage the stairs even one time, let alone multiple times. any time he has to carry anything I always wind up watching him take the stairs just in case he falls or drops something -.-

... oh good the main light is finally off in the other room, so he must finally be done

maybe now I can finally have the basement to myself for the rest of the day /knock wood