[RL] Last weekend, I had one of those moments where it hit even though it's already hit and almost sent Tiffany a text telling her how much I fucking miss her and that it isn't fair and she's supposed to be here with her shitty Wal-Mart brownies and a game and the wrong order from Chipotle.
But last night, Lizzie sent me a video (Beam Me Up by Pink) saying it speaks to how she feels. I sent her a text back this morning saying WAY TO MAKE ME CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP LIZZIE 😢😡😢😡😢
I told Lizzie about wanting to text Tiffany and she said it's okay honey it's okay, I'd have just texted 'I miss you too' back and I said I'd have a heart attack and she said just the way Tiffany would want it
Which. True, she was so vibrant and funny. She spent almost $30 on a stupid, vaguely offensive t-shirt for my sister just to see her reaction. (not to mention a penis shaped vase and a glittery pink vulva on a keychain)
Just minutes after arriving, Lizzie started getting worked up. She started changing plans. Making executive decisions without explaining why. Didn't even want Mary to take pictures of things we weren't sure about to show widower to ask him about later.
We started feeling disrespected and taken advantage of. We were not there to be someone's work horses, we were there to help with this decision making, we were there to go through things and figure out what to take away help Lizzie to help Peter.
I want to give Lizzie the benefit of the doubt and say it was her own grief making her act that way, but I don't know her well enough to say one way or the other
So as soon as something sounds like bullshit, I sit down until it stops sounding like bullshit. For example, how she didn't want to take a bag he'd packed together with a mix of Tiffany's and Mia's things. Because in her mind we were only there for Tiffany's things. She just repeated that over and over and that isn't good enough.
And we explained that, like. We know. You never yell at us. You try to reserve that. We understand that in the household you grew up in, yelling is the point at which you take someone seriously, and it means business. So we understand why it's a big deal to you.
It means someone has lost control, they need to let it out, and we'll talk rationally after. So to us, she was screaming into the void because she needed to and we were convenient.
She didn't have her head on almost as soon as we got there and nothing she said was rational. It was down to miscommunication. She's angry at everyone and that's okay. But we got all the bags and took her out to dinner. I think something still wasn't sitting right with her, but I hope with a full belly and having let some of it out, she'll sleep well?
Buuuuttt instead, we just dropped her off and took the bags into our house. Their house is too crowded and full right now, and I think she'll have an easier time going through it here with us to support and help.
She wants to get it done quickly, but Mary said it would be fine if she wanted to wait until the weekend so her nieces can come over too, since she wanted them to be involved.
Basically.....we're here for you. We love you. We miss her too. We have the stuff and will keep it safe in the office until you want to come look at it or get it or have us bring it to you - whatever you want, whenever you want.
I had joked that I want her blue and white striped sweater because when I went to buy one, they'd run out, and I think Lizzie thought I was serious. Which...yeah, I liked it and did check walmart and they were out. But I explained that why I really want it is because its the last thing I remember her wearing. She's wearing it in the last photo I have of her
Mom got a late Christmas present a few days ago and it was a board game. One of the nice ones, like a $60 one and I didn't say it, but I thought, when're we going to play that? Tiffany was the one constant when it came to game nights. She was always there, and often times, she was the only one visiting.
Everyone else moved to Texas moved to Arizona cut themselves off from everyone without explanation got too busy of a work schedule goes to bed at like 6pm
I feel like a broken record, but I truly am so sorry that you're all going through this. I've been there, and it's so rough and raw and exhausting in every way
And that I still have so many fond memories of when she brought us to DC for that afternoon, and that I'm thinking of her just as much as I am of you and Mary
Gosh I would love to see you guys. There's still a lot to show you if you're interested. Like Point Lookout and its ghosts, or Antietam and Gettysburg, the Exorcist stairs (maybe we saw those?), Calvert Cliffs, road trip to Ocean City/Rehoboth Beach, historic St Mary's city
We've got a LOT of bills to catch up with after Lore's bout with the COVIDs, but I did make a declaration that we're breaking my new car in with a road trip and a Proper Vacation at some point. I mentioned wanting to do DC and stop by for a visit and Lore seemed pretty down with it, it's just a matter of figuring out what we need to do to make it happen
We can absolutely come up to meet you around DC or even north of there (even if its Baltimore blehh) But yeah no rush, take your time and make it a good one! I'd love to do the sightseeing thing with you guys, but I definitely concede that sightseeing isn't a Proper Vacation.
Someone once told me have fun on your vacation, meaning an upcoming 3 month roadtrip and I turned right back around to say that when you're on vacation, you don't have a tight schedule and have to wear sandals in the shower. For that matter, you don't find muddy panties in the shower.
moved to Texas
moved to Arizona
cut themselves off from everyone without explanation
got too busy of a work schedule
goes to bed at like 6pm