[family bullshit] whee we’re going on a road trip tonight

So my aunt Sally had been coming to my mom’s new place about once a week to help hang pictures and stuff because Mom’s arms are weak and Sergio and me are dragging stuff over there all the time

She’s semi-retired. Used to be big in the corporate world but stressors and an asshole boss made her take an early payout. But she’s my aunt who is always go-go-go so she is also doing 1hr round trips daily to my grandpa’s to get him to eat (he won’t eat without someone there so the family splits time) and also has a job with a light retail thing in Salem

And also helps my cousin Frank with getting him out and stimulated because otherwise he’d spend all day inside and get sad

So she shows up at my mom’s place all apologetic because her car broke down

And my mom goes “oh no did Big Red finally die?”

Big Red used to be my cousin Charles’ old enormous Buick. It literally had the bumper fall off it in traffic once. The last time I was inside it I couldn’t get back out because no one could figure out how to shut off the child locks and I couldn’t crawl into the front. Because the bumper I was in the backseat with was blocking me

But NO

The sonata died! My uncle’s semi new car (5 years old and reliable af til this point).
The one he needs to get to his job as a college professor!

So they have to junk it because the engine seized

So mom offered her car and my aunt said No. she didn’t want to leave my mom stranded in case of emergency

My mom tried to tell her that Sergio and me were ten minutes away but she was worried about Pip and my mom which was sweet but martyr-y

Anyway I hear all this because yesterday we were in Mom’s neck of the woods rehabilitating the asshole squirrel my husband caught near her house and she needed a new leash because Pippin broke another one by pulling too hard and wrecking the locking mechanisms

So I go “does she want my car? Sergio and I work from home and I take the train in when I go to work.”

We call. She accepts. She says she only needs it for a week or so but I’m trying to tell her how the little white Fit handles in snow (it doesn’t) and how to unlock the trunk because there’s a trick to it because every stupid car in this family has some bullshit attached to it

So I’m headed to Grandpa’s tonight with my little car to give to my aunt and Sergio is going to pick me up in his car because he gets off work later than I do

Oh also my aunt’s fucking HVAC died and its $17,000 to fix so she is considering reentering the workforce at 62

And so I’m looking around going like “our system keeps going out. I don’t want to leave Frankie alone if we leave and the heat needs to be restarted by a human”

So I call Grandpa and I get him at a semi-lucid state and ask if I can bring my stupid cat over his house so she doesn’t get hungry or freeze

He says “what” a million times before asking if I’m coming over

And finally he agrees so we are headed over for the first meeting of Frankie and Tempurra tonight

Meanwhile my car’s tires need to be filled with air. I wanted to bring it to the gas station but Sergio keeps saying he has a machine to do that and he’ll do it

(Spoilers: he didn’t do it)

So now I’m going like “okay if you don’t do it today I’ll do it at noon tomorrow”

And he goes

“It’s going to snow tomorrow. Maybe we should do it the next day?”

“Sergio, we can’t do it the next day. We don’t have a car the next day. And if I put off going to my grandpa’s, first: he won’t eat that night, and second; my aunt won’t have a car because she’s getting it on Tuesday morning”

“Ohhhhh”

“Yeeeeeeah.”

oof

Meanwhile the squirrel guys came out again. The fuckers tore a one foot hole in my roof!!!! (Squirrels not guys)

holy hell

jesus

I went up there with a ladder. Those fuckers

allison this is off topic but i needed to deliver u these strong beetlejuice vibes

Where are the Bears

I fucking adore this thank you

His spirit animals