Ash!!1
[cartoons/tlk]
Lion Guard: When I Led the Guard | Battle for the Pr...
still obsessed with this complete revisionist/au/retelling of the lion king and scar's history
Ash!!1
scar: I GOT TEMPTED AWAY BY A COOL LION AND THEN MUFASA TEASED ME SO I KILLED HIM
Ash!!1
scar, buddy
vast energies
i mean. is scar not the sort of person who would lie about his past
MRS SEPHIROTH
I can't tell if that's better or worse than his original backstory
Ash!!1
vast energies : THE THING IS IT'S NOT A LIE
Ash!!1
CUZ KION GETS BITTEN BY A SNAKE LATER TOO
angstspecialist
I miss Lion Guard in a weird confused way
Ash!!1
AND HAS TO RESIST!!! THE EVIL!!!!
vast energies
LMAO
Ash!!1
the lion guard is wild
vast energies
hahahahaha him fucking launching the other lions
Ash!!1
its what the roar does it makes WIND AND....MAGIC (?)
vast energies
his disembodied head looks so happy to be singing about it
vast energies
>8D here's the story about how i was corrupted into evil
Ash!!1
they never fully explain they're just like yeah some lions can do this scar lost his magic cuz he used it to uuuuh [kill all the other male lions] okay sure
Ash!!1
whoever does his voice is having a grand ol' time
angstspecialist
l like that he says he wasn't much older than Kion but LOOK AT THAT MANE
Ash!!1
the ages in the lion guard are so fucky
Ash!!1
cuz it's a disney junior show so he looks like a cub 99% of the time but everyone talks to kion like he's fucking grown
angstspecialist
and let's not forget he gets married in this season lol
Ash!!1
THAT'S RIGHT
Ash!!1
GETS MARRIED AND BECOMES TROPHY HUSBAND
Ash!!1
i'm like, really impressed how they some how made this entire au not contradict anything in the movies whatsoever
angstspecialist
Yeah he gives the roar to the lion lesbians
vast energies
i like how scar was clearly just like 'damn that other lion is smokin' hot oh fuck he's evil and ??????????? snake????????????????'
vast energies
this is homophobia
vast energies
having an evil snake bite gay lions
angstspecialist
I also like how they never explain how he survived the venom XD
angstspecialist
He just killed the sexy lion and WELP
Levi
"man don't go off with the unknown hot lion he will GET YOU BITTEN BY A SNAKE and TURN YOU EVIL"
Ash!!1
turned gay by evil lion boyfriend
angstspecialist
Then decides to kill Mufasa because he was like lol scar
angstspecialist
Like this LEGIT SAYS THAT'S HIS MOTIVATION
Levi
also I like how it's all just liek "oh btw TLK 2 happened while you were gone"
angstspecialist
yes XD
angstspecialist
Kion is all ready to fight the lionesses but nope we're all friends now
angstspecialist
and YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF PRIDE ROCK BUDDY
Ash!!1
Lion Guard: The Worst Hyena We Know | Rescue in the ...
that said jasiri is still the best character and they are COWARDS for having kion go all the way to asia to marry another lion when there was a hyena girlfriend RIGHT THERE
Levi
also I'm just still not over
snake venom just turns you evil it just does
Ash!!1
Lion Guard: A New Way to Go | Battle for the Pride L...
I really love all of janja's songs tho
Levi
also to suppress it you have to take flowers that are not at all a thinly veiled allegory for pain killers complete with a story about painkiller addiction
angstspecialist
angstspecialist
I am forever sad about Kion and Jasiri 8(
Ash!!1
also the lion guard as a concept is just so hilarious to make as a kids series because like, YES OBV ITS A KIDS CARTOON BUT THEY CHASE OUT ALL THE CARNIVORES EXCEPT THEMSELVES
Ash!!1
BUT THEN ALSO HAVE TO BE DISCREET AND NOT EXPLAIN WHAT THE HEROES EAT
vast energies
dfgjdfkljgdhfdkfjsdlf
vast energies
they get burgers. it's fine
Ash!!1
there is a whole ep where the cheetah is trying to hunt and kion keeps interrupting her and she's like ??!???!???!!
Ash!!1
DO I GET TO EAT KION
Levi
and we're still doing the "Hyenas have to live in the ghettos" thing, but don't worry that's where they belong and they get food because "dying animals go them" like really
Ash!!1
DO I????
angstspecialist
Ash!!1
(they never answer this)
Ash!!1
man he was just gonna let zira eat that mouse
Ash!!1
KION YOU'RE A HYPOCRITE
angstspecialist
XD
Levi
oh also i remember

remember the snake that bit kion went to the dark side basically because he was tired of being stepped on
Ash!!1
YEAH
Ash!!1
THE SNAKE GOT TIRED OF BEING A BUTTMONKEY SO DECIDED HEY YOU KNOW WHAT'S COOL
Ash!!1
NECROMANCY
Ash!!1
[REVIVES SCAR IN A VOLCANO]
Levi
I do like how Janja becomes a good guy because he finally realizes there is literally no benefit to being a bad guy
Ash!!1
LITERALLY NONE
Levi
it's not like Scar promised him any real rewards for helping him out
Ash!!1
honestly he wasn't even bad at first kion kept chasing him out of the pridelands even before he went full evil
Ash!!1
he's just a dumbass that likes to eat
Ash!!1
LET!! HIM!! EAT!!
angstspecialist
I also love the jackals. They were my fave villains. I was sad when no more jackal couple.
angstspecialist
Ash!!1
All her pups grew up but kion not allowed to get more of a mullet
angstspecialist
lol true
Ash!!1
it's like the more and more you think of the lion guard the more ridiculous it is
Levi
god the show even said they were all supposed to be older but Kion still looks like baby
Ash!!1
they gotta sell those plushies okay
Levi
like I think he even still had his cub spots lol
Ash!!1
GAWD YEAH
Ash!!1
CUZ WHEN WE FIRST SEE VITANI IN THE SERIES
Ash!!1
SHE'S A CUB
Ash!!1
BUT THEN LATER WHEN [TLK2 HAPPENS ON SCREEN]
Ash!!1
SHE'S EVEN BIGGER THAN KION
Ash!!1
??????
Ash!!1
c r i e s
Levi
Kion suffers from a tragic condition where he will be a forever cub no matter how old he gets
angstspecialist
Ash!!1
omg he does still have his spots
Ash!!1
HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A KING
Ash!!1
alkdfjkadfjs
angstspecialist
lol
angstspecialist
also Simba looks so drunk here
Ash!!1
GAWD I FORGOT ABOUT THE GIRL HONEY BADGER
Ash!!1
I HATE HER
Ash!!1
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS DESIGN
angstspecialist
I PURPOSELY CONVINCED MYSELF SHE DIDN'T EXIST
Ash!!1
i can't believe TLK pulled the same ending to Fruits Basket
Ash!!1
gawd teh fucking ghosts watching over them
Ash!!1
THIS SERIES IS JUST SO BIZARRE
Ash!!1
Man also looking back at scar's stuff was mufasa just like
Ash!!1
'hey scar where did the rest of your guard go why are they all dead' 'uuuuh they fell off a cliff' 'oh thats sad okay'
Ash!!1
mufasa my guy you were not bright
angstspecialist
it's true
angstspecialist
I also forgot they randomly gave Fuli a boyfriend at the last minute
angstspecialist
Kion finds out about Kovu and Kiara-Return to the Pr...
lol here's where they missed the LK2
vast energies
THEY ALL FELL OFF A CLIFF AT THE SAME TIME
vast energies
'oh bummer'
Ash!!1
just oopsie they slipped
angstspecialist
Kion eating Tuliza COMPILATION-The Lion Guard
omg I found a compilation of the drugs
Ash!!1
i mean in retrospect the entire pride did believe scar when he said mufasa and simba go trampled and simba's body was never found and only i witnessed it 8'( SO LIKE
Ash!!1
I GUESS NOT THAT FARFETCHED
Ash!!1
Ah yes kion's arc of having to eat drugs to ward off the evil of the venom (?)
angstspecialist
didn't one of the lions die in the show and it had a trigger warning in the opening?
Ash!!1
yeah rani's grandmother/the queen of the tree dies and they like
Ash!!1
PULL NO PUNCHES
Ash!!1
SAYS GOODBYE TO EVERYONE
Ash!!1
AND THERE'S A WHOLE AS FUNERAL AND EVERYONE GROSS CRYING
Ash!!1
me watching this on saturday morning: what the FUCK
angstspecialist
lol
vast energies
kion does drugs compilation
vast energies
i love how every female animal has thick luxurious lashes
Ash!!1
how else will we know they are girls!!!
Ash!!1
still hate that fuli has a fukin heart spot on her head
vast energies
this girl ape definitely does not come across well in the painkiller montage.
Ash!!1
She's basically rafiki's pinkie-pie-esque niece
vast energies
I FULLY BELIEVE SHE'S BENEVOLENT BUT JUST IN THAT CONTEXT
vast energies
of her constantly giving this lion drugs d;glfkg;df
Ash!!1
look everyone needs a dealer
angstspecialist
Kion gets VERY CRANKY when he doesn't get his meds
angstspecialist
The Lion Guard - Kion and the Lion Guard joins the N...
one last thing. I forgot Kion moved Pride Rock THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED
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