SARA THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION clutches head IT'S COMPLICATED it was complicated in this game, where it was basically the nemesis that lives in your brain rent free... working together, working against each other, but not liking or trusting each other.
i keep thinking about that line where she's like 'that's right, it's because i hate you, you're not mistaken at all' because i think it's the first time she speaks in his language from his perspective, and also about her line about not killing their ally and his dying gift is definitely like, a response to that
so he's realised she doesn't hate him, and he's realised he doesn't hate her and... where do they go on from there.... well making a clean slate alliance made sense at the time, even thought it can't ever really be a clean slate.
he's trying to figure out how to interact with her with a blueprint that was made and set in the pressure cooker they're both from and it shows; he'll be sarcastic about her still, get into petty arguments, poke boundaries etc where he won't necessarily with people he's met in yogen
and he... also still places her a bit on that pedestal of being strong miss 15% who killed midori, who can influence people in ways he doesn't understand and who has a gun... so he has what he considers a healthy fear of this power, even as he's like 'well if we're allies i can point it at things'
but he's... slowly, painfully slowly, starting to realise she is also just... a highschool kid. like he didn't really forget but all the other stuff overrode it and made it seem even more strange and unpredictable her reaction to her own dead body in the elevator thread and also just... them both having nightmares has kind of put the crack in there
of course, that doesn't mean he knows what to do about it, even less than with nene and it's easier to just... keep staying in the same holding pattern, esp with his preconceptions about things like her sociability and her planning ahead and her emotional resilience
he's getting attached despite himself. it's sneaking up on him and he hasn't really realized yet but he'd be upset if she was hurt or died. it's also been like, three months which is a lot longer to get a bead on her and realize to some extent she's Just Weird And Boisterous esp seeing her interact with other people without death game motive
i don't think it was a conscious thing on his part but his 'you might get along' with inaba comes from that I think :' ) but yeah tl;dr it's very awkward and there's a lot they're not talking about and stepping around but... they got to watch that movie
SHIN AND NENE Shin has just been... watching Nene get worse and worse and worse and it's messing with him a bit what with him and narumi he's starting to get a bit of a Thing about people slipping away in front of him with no idea what to do about it. being responsible for others is new to him and he's immediately getting put on hard mode :' )
and also probably little things besides that like hovering if she's doing something in a 'i can help out' way... if she can't rest he can at least lighten the load a bit
he still very much has like. that half-transferred anxiety around fucking up and in his more paranoid thought times wonders if he's contributing to her state (shin it's not about you)
he's still projecting kanna onto her a lot but there's some stuff seeping into the cracks in that; the sleepover in particular with like, learning about Hamster Space Wars
i'm still spinning in my head what he'll be thinking about the nene and noah codependency bc he actually has a fairly good nose for this not being quite right given his pointed remark at ranmaru in canon and also knowing Nene will burn herself out for other people so I think he'll be keeping an eye on this space. he's Watching sfdg he knows Noah less so
he's also... working on something for her because her talking about having nothing left of someone got into his mind and stuck there but shhh it's a secret
so remember when i was talking about tiny crush? tiny crush. only sidney is team dad and very taken and shin isn't really aware that's what it is beyond gratitude and admiration so it's not really going anywhere.
leaving that aside Sidney is the person Shin's been most honest with in yogen, albeit unintentionally and that's kind of terrifying to him bc what could sidney do with that... he's trying to keep a lid on that because he Wants To Believe x files theme but it's there. and like, he's not aware that sidney hasn't really told anyone else about his death game
but it's not the sort of thing someone casually mentions so it's tempered by them both being on equal ground in that stakes... which means... Alliance time
I DONT,A CTUALLY? IM YELLING WHERE WAS THIS MENTIONED.... im delighted honestly holy shit. i love them all so much but also im vain about my ocs im sorry asfk;lj
being allies is nice safe good solid ground while he works some stuff out and also like. he genuinely does like doing things with people and bouncing ideas so the investigation and sense that they can actually make some forward progress has injected a little energy into him
SFGDFGDFGF it's deeply buried in the 'ask questions about shin' plurk and not specific to sidney but... yeah YOU MAKE GOOD OCS AMITY i love sidney so so much
i love sidney and shins cr so much. like nene and shin have a very good healing going on for him but shins finding inspiration and trust in sidney without having some kind of power over him..... love it
YEAH like with nene and shin there's healing going on but it's within the echoes and ghosts of an existing framework but with sidney the framework itself is getting looked at it's so good this is new, unbroken ground :'''' ) he's letting himself look up to someone again
it's scary but... maybe... god i just love it so much and then of course there's the element like. inspired by sidney but... like, even sidney saying 'no you shouldn't be like me' and it's like... they don't have a blueprint but they've got scaffolding and they're doing their best
he has a frame of reference as to whats Too Far (but also i think managing to take a hit for someone without dying is Very Good, compared to the alternative so sidney may also be a tiny bit too hard on himself.)
honestly one of the really fun things for this cr to me is that like. shin went in planning to take up the position of having more knowledge/control/power and it absolutely did not work at all but enough of that lingers he considers himself responsible for her in the same way he does nene
leaving that aside it's been like, enough time for him that he's seen how capable and no nonsense she is and he's like oh. she's actually a strong person in her own right. this might normally trip some alarm flags but these days he's been questioning what 'strong' and 'weak' actually means in the context of power dynamics (thanks sidney)
shin's the sort to absolutely compare people he meets to other people he knows (sometimes to the point of dangerous levels of projecting) and helena isn't an exception to this;
she reminds him of Nao: someone her age who was easy to underestimate and for others to try and use because of it who somehow could turn it back around on them. someone he worked with on a plan to escape
all that said... the fact that she's been doing a lot for him lately has been smacking the ol' brain buttons bc for one at his core he likes doing stuff for/with people he likes and also he has issues with a sense of being... pitied is not quite the right word
but he has his insecurities about being 'weak' and the concomitant wish for others to rely on him rather than vice versa and it kills me bc this is actually something he shares with helena a bit but he doesn't know this
as it feels more one-sided the brain spirals start happening like. has he tricked her, has he been that successful at becoming the person he hates (a recurring thought now) or is it the other way round did he try to use her and she ended up using him, is she placing him in his debt
anyway he's mostly been dealing with this by sitting on the school steps with his head between his knees and his hands laced over it until it recedes a bit
because he doesn't... like thinking this way but anyway it probably will calm down a bit with the whole coding thing bc then it feels more equitable... and also like, october is the month he's gonna get smacked upside the head about the void food thing so that'll probably help, along with his studies getting better except his homeroom teacher hates him
helena's pretty perceptive so if shin's been like Off in respects or he mentions something offhand at a point it's entirely reasonable that she'll find him at a later date and gently bring it up
he's not much of a talker about his issues unless he's in the middle of a breakdown whereon they just kind of spill out or it's like, something he's not realising is coming from his issues or is trying to connect to someone through like 'it's hard to rest when someone might kill you isn't it'
honestly probably the best way through would... actually BE that point of connection about being seen as weak and being gone for because of it and trying to hide it but... the nature of it means neither wants to really expose that recklessly
oh! it was in mission 2c - she tried to use her strike power to see if there were any threats around, and unfortunately any touch or vibration was enough to take these frozen creatures and shatter them
first of all i just want to say the fact that senku considers shin chill and reasonable is absolutely hilarious (he... isn't) and completely understandable (looks at the rest of yogen) he does not know senku thinks this but if/when he will be both pleased and grappling with the ol impostor syndrome
senku's in that interesting space of like. being the sort of person shin thinks is cool and is both thereby suspicious/jealous of; there's flavours of this in his cr with sidney and helena but there's a little less to temper it here... but he's doing his best, like with lucifer, not to let it get too him too much
he's a little intimidated by senku's prowess in his field of expertise particularly bc oof his insecurities and like... he's doing that thing where he'll try to secretly improve in the background bc of it but he's not got much hope here bc senku's got mad science going on and he's some dude what codes for dollars
especially given his history of who he learnt to code from, that's something I'm realizing just now actually as a faultline that may be hitting but anyway
the laptop thread is particularly interesting because this is something they worked on, always a way to sneak some points in but also like he got a much closer look at senku than he has so far
senku backed him up on his idea to shut down laptop san (points, again) but also then the sort of butting heads with sara and by the end the dismissal and he's like. hm. because by that point he'd realised the precarious position laptop san was in so there's some interesting stuff going on there, there's a little note of caution there
and he's starting to be like 'maybe people really can be altruistic without ulterior motive' so that's plugging in there but there's something in the shadow of it he can't quite grasp yet
and they're both people who like bouncing ideas and i think shin's very easy to lure past the intimidation here so they've probably done that even outside of threads and I love that
it's interesting bc in a lot of ways shin is doing a similar sort of sidesteppy dance testing the waters as he's been doing with sara, despite this CR being entirely fresh, because so much of Rantaro is an unknown element he's mysterious, he Knows things, and he's friendly but in a way that like. shin's not great with people but he's overtuned
and in a way, rantaro being that clearly mysterious is like.... kind of reassuring? like he's not running face first into it, it's right there. so shin has been doing his like. little overtures of alliance, because he started when 'i need allies if i'm going to survive' was an immensely pressing concern and it's sort of stuck.
i'm still sad that rantaro wanted shin to bounce ideas in their first thread bc shin does like doing that but unfortunately didn't have any information to work off of.... one day maybe
ami did end up learning more about the 2b mission tbh that he'd probably be up for kind of going into with shin considering that is how they met ... pretend I have discord thinking emoji here
I get this dumb little visual of like shin doing an elaborate little mating dance but instead of impress for mating it's like scope out for trusting... all his little tricks to see what kind of response he gets to decide his next moves
but yeah it's very much like. a form of jury rigging past his own trust problems... how do you set up this phone line... and the refined form of it worked very well with ranger, someone who's also not a trusting sort, so he's likely to keep using it places now bc, well, it works right?
anyway though... the glare... that's definitely a moment where rantaro dropped the facade a bit and it's interesting bc shin's done that exact same thing; mostly smiley but a brief cold glare. it's interesting and I need to think more on it
also of interest is like, the murder mystery meetup bc even though it was resolved for a hot second it was like 'did rantaro do this' and even though the evidence came up that sort of thing takes a while to go back down the drain, especially since... did he leave narumi there? so that's something i also need to spin
one thing i'm sure of is that like, them having a mutual friend in subaru is gonna sort of glue things a bit, because subaru just has that kind of effect
sdfghj did he leave narumi there makes me laugh because on one hand? yes, absolutely, you try dragging a whole human down the stairs to the nurse's office twice with a void-broke arm
but rubs hands tbh all of this is super cute... I like shins lil mixed feelings, and I'm super excited to see how things build out between dumb 3rd year boy things, maybe potential memory things, and (vague gesturing) inevitable murder things
you could have texted? bruh but no yeah rantaro was a Bit Busy at the time :''''' ) god tho i bet yeeting clamor was so satisfying, i'm crying yessssss i'm very excited to see where things go from here and hoo boy inevitable murder huh
IT'S COMPLICATED
it was complicated in this game, where it was basically the nemesis that lives in your brain rent free... working together, working against each other, but not liking or trusting each other.
her reaction to her own dead body in the elevator thread and also just... them both having nightmares has kind of put the crack in there
but yeah tl;dr it's very awkward and there's a lot they're not talking about and stepping around but... they got to watch that movie
Shin has just been... watching Nene get worse and worse and worse and it's messing with him a bit what with him and narumi he's starting to get a bit of a Thing about people slipping away in front of him with no idea what to do about it. being responsible for others is new to him and he's immediately getting put on hard mode :' )
YOU MAKE GOOD OCS AMITY i love sidney so so much
this is new, unbroken ground :'''' ) he's letting himself look up to someone again
and then of course there's the element like. inspired by sidney but... like, even sidney saying 'no you shouldn't be like me' and it's like... they don't have a blueprint but they've got scaffolding and they're doing their best
all that said... the fact that she's been doing a lot for him lately has been smacking the ol' brain buttons bc for one at his core he likes doing stuff for/with people he likes and also he has issues with a sense of being... pitied is not quite the right word
stopping him from clamming up or deflecting or turning it back on her I'm sorry he's like this
yesss there's a way. it's coalescing
that's a good question do animals count... I know the flour sack babies counted
how'd this happen, if you don't mind giving the Lore?
hhh on no. she was just trying to observe... D :
i got a bit sidetracked... where was I
he does not know senku thinks this but if/when he will be both pleased and grappling with the ol impostor syndrome
he got a much closer look at senku than he has so far
because by that point he'd realised the precarious position laptop san was in so there's some interesting stuff going on there, there's a little note of caution there
but there's something in the shadow of it he can't quite grasp yet
god i need to think about this... i'm spinning it
he's mysterious, he Knows things, and he's friendly but in a way that like. shin's not great with people but he's overtuned
so shin has been doing his like. little overtures of alliance, because he started when 'i need allies if i'm going to survive' was an immensely pressing concern and it's sort of stuck.
and the refined form of it worked very well with ranger, someone who's also not a trusting sort, so he's likely to keep using it places now bc, well, it works right?
so that's something i also need to spin
tl;dr shady secrets lad
yessssss i'm very excited to see where things go from here and hoo boy inevitable murder huh