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mur

writing stuff
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Have been spending more time on reading recently and realized that I have problems writing characters (protagonists, mostly) who express themselves freely. Especially to people close to them.
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I just realized that I’ve always regarded expressing emotions as showing weakness, something that young people do and more or less equals immaturity. It's hard for me to say that I love you or I need you (yeah I’m even confessing this in English).
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And it shows in my stories. Talking about sex is easy, love? not really. And instead of crying, they always hold back their tears.
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This also reminds me of my failed attempts to fix things. The only few times I spoke my mind all resulted in consequences that somehow managed to destroy me.
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I remember one time I was so devastated that I actually let my friend know how devastated I was. He came to see me that day after work, from really far away, but I was too afraid to tell him what was bothering me. I ended up saying nothing. and I could tell that he's hurt.
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Another time like this I was in a friend’s bedroom. It was a short break before dinner and I was lying there with her laying her head on my stomach. I thought I was really happy to be there but stopped myself from saying that.
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They’re all friends from many years ago. How funny that looking back now, I guess I’d still do the same.
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It happens every once in a while, anyway.

I value those kinds of qualities. I still do. I like people who are silent, tough, and restrained.

But wouldn’t it be nice to write, like, a dog person…? Guess I can at least give it a try.
To write someone who loves recklessly. Someone who, instead of leaving, stays.
emo_machine
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