Reach out to people first sometimes. You might be the only one and they might need it more than you can imagine.

So much This.

True, but also if you need it sometimes, you should make sure to reach out to people as well. It's not always easy to know if someone is in need.

on the same note, say thank you to people you appreciate, even if you think it's over nothing at all

excellent comment, rat

i think we all can communicate better, whether it's aiding others with support, or letting others know 'hey, i need support right now'

i approve of this message

I'm with rat, even though that's something I struggle with a lot too

I worry about sounding needy or like an attention whore. Or overly codependent.

i want to be reached out for but i have no mental energy to reach out to others, and i dont want to look selfish so i just stay quiet : (

I both try to reach out to people and request it when I need it. and I do think it's important to be willing to step up and reach out

but I think too we also need to be prepared to be open and vulnerable so that people can intuit when we need someone to reach out. no one is psychic. even if it's something as simple as talking about what's going on so people have an idea of what's going on in your life

also queen, I think it's important to remember that like. we all go in ebbs and flows of energy in life. it's okay if you don't have the energy to give back and need others to give more until you do have the mental and emotional energy to repay others in kind. it's okay to need more!!

There are many good words in here. I want to come back and say: remember, the other person might be going through very hard times, too. I've gotten frustrated in my past over others not reaching out to me first and it's only lead to me being more miserable. I've had this talk with some important friends and it's never meant as anything malicious.

Some people might think you need space and don't want to be a burden/bother while you're going through a rough time. Some people aren't equipped to deal with things (which you shouldn't fault them for being human.) Some people have more passive personalities or a lot of social anxieties of their own. And it can be a lot harder to pick up on things online.

+1 .... im struggling a lot right now but putting on a brave face because it's how i deal, so people don't know to check on me - it's been a journey trying not to internalize it as "no one cares about you"

It's a hard thing, sheep. I've done that so many times. I hope you the best with everything you're going through, too. My heart goes out to you. And everyone here. Life can be very hard.

thank you rat, you as well <3

<3

One last comment I will make regarding my comments in here: I am not trying to invalidate anyone's feelings or demean the want for others to reach out. It's a very valid want to have others reaching out first. Desiring that indication of someone acknowledging you like that. Friendship can be hard to navigate sometimes- people are so vastly different.

So just remember, just because that person on the other end isn't doing the first approach, it doesn't mean that they don't care about you deeply. That's the main point I'm trying to articulate.

nah, I don't think you were invalidating anyone. just as you said, humans are complicated and varied and we can't read minds. it's all about communication, and that can be difficult all around

Any suggestions on how to deal with wanting to talk to people but feeling like you have literally 0 to talk to them about and you'd just be a buzzkill?

cock2421, why not try opening up a conversation asking people to tell you what's going on in their lives, good and/or bad? that might seem counterintuitive when you're the one that wants to open up and share, but if you are feeling bad/like you can't because you might be a buzz kill

you might find that opening with letting people air their troubles or triumphs or interests helps you to feel more comfortable sharing yours as a part of the conversation as opposed to the opening

I think too it's important to remember that the people around you keep you there actively because they want you there. they want to know what's going on in your life. you are not a buzzkill, even if you don't have anything happy to share

also rat those are SUCH valid points. I thought about making a few of those myself and chickened out on it, but I'm glad you brought them up. it's why I try to advocate being open and just talking about our experiences, even if we feel the need to preface our talk with "I'm not looking for pity" in case we're afraid of being seen that way

the more open we are, the more likely someone is to actually do that reaching.