you know... the more I sort through my feelings about the way Jenny has been treating me, the better I feel about leaving

she hasn't been treating me like a person lol

it sounds blunt but it's so true

I almost hate to say it but she and the kids drove me to the point of wanting so desperately to move out, and before that, my dad and stepmom drove me to want to leave their house. at least this time I'm leaving on my terms

I didn't ask to be gaslit or abused or mistreated, and I didn't do anything to deserve it! all I've done is try to be a productive and contributing member of the households I've lived in. could I have tried a little harder at times? Sure, but I think a lot of people can probably say that

skipping a day of doing the dishes or raising my voice a little at the kids when they won't listen should absolutely not warrant the way Jenny has been talking to me.

and the fucked up thing about it is she loves to preach about how speaking negatively to people or saying bad things to them is bad because it messes with their self esteem and affects their outlook on life

but like!!!! gestures wildly to all of the incredibly hurtful things Jenny has said to me

what I'm taking away from this is that in her mind, not speaking negatively to people only applies to her kids, and I don't fucking matter enough to deserve the same courtesy

because she has no trouble calling me selfish and abusive and saying I'm exactly like our dad. but the second I tell Rachel she shouldn't say something because it's rude, Jenny is on my ass and I'm immediately the bad guy because how dare I talk to her precious baby like that.

she's adopted a philosophy that's basically "let kids be kids" and letting them run wild without any action being taken to stop, say, Daniel from climbing the backyard fence or Rachel bossing everyone around, because! kids will be kids! and everything they do is completely fine! and it's easier to let them run wild instead of raising them right!

because god forbid she disciplines them in any way ever!!

I swear, this will come back to bite her in the ass

but anyway

none of that will be my problem anymore in just a few months

Nor your monkeys not your circus. once you are gone and a bit settled, I hope you seek therapy to help you. Between her and your father they have really done a number on you.

I definitely plan on doing that, because I've been wanting to see a therapist for years but never have had the means to

Sarahndipity : Good! this is gonna be so great for you!