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[mute for idk]
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I'm always exhausted
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I feel like I'm always just wasting time doing nothing with myself lately
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and Chey is always saying sometimes that's what you gotta do and that would be fine if it felt like I was actually getting something out of it but lmao
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it's not like I'm actually relaxed
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I still feel like I"m being pulled in a million different directions
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I am losing my mind thinking about everything I need to do this weekend and didn't do a single damn thing today
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and now it's midnight and I"m trying to set here and at least cramp some of this stuff I need to do for class and the editing that I promised to do like a week ago
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I'm okay with taking time for myself but like this isn't it
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and I'm tired of it
big 🛌 energy
that's a mood. whenever I try to take a break for myself I work extra hard to get ahead of schedule on everything and feel more exhausted, but it's more... fulfilling? but if you just get away it's more trying to run than getting a break and it's more stressful
big 🛌 energy
but especially while in school I think it's so difficult to actually get ahead on anything
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yeah like... this isn't even like I'm trying to plan a break either I'm just... not being productive because I'm being pulled in so many directions at once
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who knows when I'll actually get a real break at that rate lol
big 🛌 energy
it may not hurt on that case to just turn off your phone and let ppl deal with their own shit
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I'm so mad about the school thing cause that one is just 110% my fault for not reading the syllabus rip to me
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this isn't even work. I turn off work once friday night hits
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my personal responsibilities have just piled up that bad that I'm fretting over them anxious u_u
big 🛌 energy
oh no. u_u I thought it was like a mix... that sucks when it's just everything like that.
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yeah no I'm completely exempt do don't work on the weekends whatsoever I do hardline on that at least
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non-exempt
big 🛌 energy
I would offer to help out with anything you needed that I can but being like nowhere near y'all, I know that isn't very helpful u_u
big 🛌 energy
do you know any friends who can help you out nearby??
big 🛌 energy
or if not if you can spare the money, task rabbit is good for like, sometimes housework so you can focus on more personal stuff
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ugh tay that's really sweet weirdly that stuff usually doesn't get in my way too much. This past year I realized how much cooking is like something that actually helps me get out of my headspace so much for example and tiny new england apartment plus roomba means the maintenance isn't too bad there u_u
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last week was a big dumb fluke but that's over at least now it's just like. This CSS stuff crunch I wasn't planning on. This editing project I'm helping a friend with. And feeling bad about never making time for rp ever as a result lol which is probably a sign
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I think there's also just this... lower key dread hanging over me that it's my health getting in the way no matter how much I try to push through it or refuse to accept that it's been fucked up since mystery flu a few years back....
big 🛌 energy
Have you had a chance to bring that up to a doctor? I have a friend who once got a bug bite that even after it went down, it made him sick for two years after and he had to have the tissue removed where the bite was and he felt better after, but he didn't even know that was possible until he saw a doctor...
big 🛌 energy
I totally feel you on the health stuff tho it makes things so challenging even when it's like.. it shouldn't be that overwhelming, but sometimes it is.
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I have and what I suspect it might be is one of those things can basically only be diagnosed by eliminated all other possible diagnoses
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and because I was in japan for years they basically want me to start from scratch with everything so lol diet and exercise was the prescription and then covid happened so I'm about a year overdue to go back
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that being said I do like my doctor and I completely understand that they do have to start somewhere when they have essentially 0 medical record to look at
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so no knock against him
big 🛌 energy
ah yeah, it's always tricky when it's vague stuff like that. u_u it took forever for me to get my diagnosis (and many tests... hopefully they'll get lucky early on for you once you can go back)
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but yeah some days I even feel like am I just faking it cause cause I'll have a perfectly normal week or month even but oh no you had over time followed by a stressful week and then you get a cold or the really fun one is when I would take a vacation and all the activity would cause me to get sick (like literally actually flu like sick) when I came home.
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oh no you exercised too much in a week and now you've gotta catch up by sleeping through a whole day.... that's what I mean when I say like I just push through it anyway
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but also I'm always tired
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I think I will take this as a cue to call about that doctor appointment though u_u
big 🛌 energy
ah that's tricky.. it could be some kind of autoimmune thing bc even with bad diet/exercise that doesn't sound normal... hopefully it's something easily treatable. it could just be something real simple like a vitamin d deficiency
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a;kjdf;sdf tbh I would laugh because my work space is literally in a windowless closet SO A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY
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but yeah no I wanted to laugh when I was like... yeah I have no energy every since I got this weird fucking flu thing in Japan and the doctor was like exercise could help that. Bro. exercise makes it worse. But like I know it's better to say I tried and then tell you yes it makes it worse
big 🛌 energy
YEAH.. a lot of stuff is solved with diet and exercise so i know they gotta run that through first u_u esp since the insurance will look for every excuse not to pay for things
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yep that's a very good point too