me: with all this "no kink at pride, what about the aces even tho we dont usually care about them" disco going around I wanna dress up in really slutty kinkwear in ace colors for photos me: [suddenly viscerally aware that I own Zero articles of purple clothing that arent big hoodies and Zero ace pride articles]
the only time kink at pride is bad is when people are actively Doing Play At Pride which is like... the smallest subsection of shitty people who don't actually get safe sane CONSENSUAL
like i know with twitter 9 times out of 10 it's probably just a troll but yeah they were just.. coming up with that Worst Case Scenario over and over about the Terrible Kinky Gays who Force Children to Take Part in their Exhibition Kink Without Consent and Also Trigger Abuse Survivors While They're At It, Too
also like how do they keep essentially looping around to the incredibly homophobic take that GAY ACTS ARE INHERENTLY UNSAFE FOR CHILDREN but now theyre doing it under the guise of being Acceptably Gay
i'm just like.... i'm severely hoping the ones that say shit that sounds almost too predictably homophobic-catch-phrase-ish are like.. younger.. people? who don't totally understand the kind of hate they're holding onto? but
a lot of them ARE younger but it was discouraging for a while to see adults either not say anything about it at all or actively encourage this shit on the teens parts
so im glad to see older queers start to call out how disrespectful some of the discourse has been to our history AND to the fact that we do not yet truly live in a world where it is safe to be gay
i am VERY lucky that my realization that we gotta respect our history happened like. EARLY in mu coming out. but even I havent repeated/delved as far into the history as I ought to
it's also like.. i'm realizing it's this weird sort of catch 22 ( eh idk if that's the right use of that phrase but just go with it ) because like, kids are learning more about lgbtq shenanigans and gender identity and a lot of other things that for a long time were things people just learned on their own as they got older, and.. 99% of the time? it's great
but 1% of the time we have 15 year-olds yelling about how men in speedos and a collar is TOO KINKY and make them uncomfortable and pride is for them too and it's like kids.. no...
with.. the world in general ( lots of talk about people who were hired new as a WFH employee over the pandemic being told they'll need to start in-office work hours soon bc restrictions are being lifted in my state ), but also specifically pride too
I really appreciate this plurk cuz I have seen a sharp uptick not only in anti kink shit in queer sectors like pride but straight up sex shaming in clearly marked sex posi spaces and I am about to blow a fucking gasket
I grew up in a liberal town in the south and I went to pride face to face with dangerous counterprotesters age 15 which I know was a privilege for me and I'm grateful for it but
the people at the front of the parade being our fucking bodyguards were from kink and kink adjacent communities and they were the ones facing down the violent homophobes and I'm fucking grateful
and that's a fucking microcosm of queer history. no matter how you personally identify disrespect for kink communities is like climbing up someone's back and then turning to spit in their mouth
folks who came before us worked too damn hard for the right to be queer and be sexual and still be permitted to function in society. everybody has already said ppl need to learn their history but ppl need to learn their history
i hate sex shaming with a PASSION and like yeah it's for ~personal trauma reasons~ because of the indoctrination of purity in catholic teen circles but even if i didn't go through that i would still be ace
and i STILL
would fight for everyone's fucking right to be sexual
I guess my personal opinion too is I've seen enough echoes of the kind of discourse that's been going around wrt no kink at pride one degree removed from my personal circle that It's hard for me to believe it's just an issue of younger kids being uneducated and that makes me really fucking sad
My problem was all about the oversexualization and exploitation of women's bodies in ads, not SEXY COMMUNITIES EXIST AND THEY'RE INFRINGING ON MY PURITY BY EXISTING
i was very lucky that my indoctrination solely focused on personal purity but even then, it is literally no one's business what you do with your own consenting sexual partners in your own spaces just
it feels like a larger community issue rn and it makes me feel real fuckin fighty and I still don't know what kind of ace or not I am but I've almost started several fights in the last few days
i know i'm only gray ace but not more than that (another reason why i don't really talk about it) but like hurgh i am so tired of people trying to speak on our behalf with this purity nonsense
and like, it's like, fine. maybe you don't want to include aces who engage in sex often because of whatever asshole reason. but then what about aces who have been sexually assaulted or abused. are they impure??? are you BETTER than them now because YOU"RE pure??? is THAT the message???
it assumes so much about the people who are queer and talking about sex and/or kink, like there's this ~malevolent motive when in fact you have no fucking clue what sex or kink means to the person in question and also frankly it's probably none of your damn business
ESPECIALLY when people aren't putting these things in public spaces because I have seen a LOT of this purity rhetoric coming from people who were just going out LOOKING for shit to bitch about
and like not to be funny but this is the first pride after last year's shit show and not everyone can even gather but for folks who can you're really gonna be like :/ mmm but not like that
like fuck i know not everyone is privileged enough to have parents that were like 'hey kiddo sometimes adults are going to do things that you don't have to be a part of and there are ways to protect yourself such as not going out and looking for these things' even if it wasn't in those words specifically but like
it was making me crazy that people were genuinely bringing up triggers for SA survivors and it's like... muhdude. nobody's starting that kind of scene at pride
if that shit had happened at my home parade the people doing it would have had their shit kicked in by the motorcycle lesbians and escorted off the premises
it's a celebration and a protest because we still do not live in a world where we are completely safe and we are using our numbers to create a safer space to be ourselves
yes!!! that's what i'm sayin too, like yikes man, even when i was like "i'm sorry if that was your experience at whatever pride you went to, but the kinkiest thing i've ever seen at pride was someone holding the leash attached to someone else's collar, so like. yikes."
like, i get a lot out of just being able to see pictures of pride from home. i might be like, kind of agoraphobic a little, maybe. but i'm perfectly content to participate in this way
yeah and like a lot of ppl I knew and know now get their most significant exposure to their own community thru pride which happens once a year but in rural communities sometimes you travel hours once a year to be with your people. why the fuck should somebody who gets to be themselves once a year have to not be themselves even then?
it's so tiringly pervasive and if i see one more person tell some binch trynna live her life on tiktok that she's contributing to the objectification of women by shaking her ass online i'm going to scream
(that said it was also pointed out that a lot of the cry for accessibility at pride still ignores the efforts that HAVE been made by disabled folks at pride!!!)
like it in no way doesn't fucking suck and my heart goes out to this kid, but no one dressing up in a harness and jockstrap is harming you in the god damn first place
would i be super happy if there were more spaces for me to be? maybe, but personally I don't 100% understand my sensory triggers yet, so it's just more comfy for me
and like doing that infantilizes ace folks. like you think they can't remove themselves from a situation? or make a decision to not go on their own? they need sexual folks to hold their widdle baby hands and lead them away from the evil horny folks?
like what we REALLY do need to talk about us how inaccessible pride is to us disabled queers but i know the anti kink folks would like to pretend we don't exist
I'm glad to know I follow and befriend the right people because on none of my social media platforms have I even caught a whiff of the No Kink at Pride people, aside from people calling them stupid
Also, every single time I've heard of or seen people engaging in kink play or straight up sex in public, including at gay bars I've been to its fuckin weird straights
I've been going to pride since I was 14 and I have never seen people like, openly engaging in scenes and making people watch in the general public spaces
the worst thing I saw at pride was a vegan group showing graphic videos of animals being hurt with no warning set up in the middle of a high traffic area!! like. makes you think.
still reading through this, but i feel like part of the answer for "bUt ThInK oF tHe CHILDREN" is to just have more events that are catered specifically FOR children instead of trying to make Pride events more family friendly
like, schools can have a Pride month where students can research the history of famous queer authors/artists/activists and have events where they can invite parents and have their own family friendly Pride event or something
okay, now that i've finished reading this, also just wanna say, as someone who is finally now comfortable using the grey ace label, just... strong agree with all the stuff that Luc and others have been saying
like, Luc has always been so cool and chill with having kink discussions on plurk that i feel safe talking about stuff with this social circle, but it's my responsibility that if i don't like a kink or if something makes me uncomfortable? i just look away!
using ace discourse as a bludgeon against kinky folk and those more comfortable with expressing their sexuality in a more open and public way is definitely not cool and not something i want to perpetuate as a grey ace person
and i've definitely seen a lot of sex-repulsed ace discourse trying to put the onus on other people to protect them and it's like, "bruh, that's what the mute button is for"
me: [suddenly viscerally aware that I own Zero articles of purple clothing that arent big hoodies and Zero ace pride articles]
in addition to The Straights actively erasing our history
and i STILL
would fight for everyone's fucking right to be sexual
do you know what pride isI don't think you know what pride is