I have some Mirai thoughts... On what's going to happen Ch2 and etc 
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I have some Mirai thoughts... On what's going to happen Ch2 and etc
I have some Mirai thoughts... On what's going to happen Ch2 and etc
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So first of all, this is incredibly hard for her to talk about.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So honestly, Mirai has basically put everyone else's feelings, safety, and happiness above her own for a long time.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
It's being a lingering affect of seeing everyone around you die
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She is so done with seeing everyone die or get hurt around her
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She's a smol girl who's dealing with constantly seeing people around her die while she survives in the end and that eats at her all of the time.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So she puts on fake smiles and prioritizes everyone else over herself because there are people alive here and she desperately wants to save everyone where she failed back home
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
This is why she is the way she is.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So it is incredibly hard for her to focus on herself when she feels like it's her duty to save an entire world and I'm not even talking about Deer right now.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She feels like she can't rest and she has to do everything she can to protect everyone, stranger or not
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So now that everyone is basically calling her out on her shit (and it's not really hard not to right now), she doesn't know what to do about that
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
there's a part of her that instictively keeps her problems and pain to herself
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
even if she knows she really needs to talk about this and she knows that there are people like Luz and Mako that she cant hide this from even if she wanted to... it's really difficult to go against what she's known most of her life.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And then there are people like Ruby, Sarona, Varien, and various other CR that are likely to be able to tell something is wrong
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
SO GOING ONTO DEER STUFF MORE SPECIFICALLY
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Mirai is having a hard time hiding how she's really feeling now because the symptoms are more obvious not to mention extremely concerning
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Mirai has spent the last few months dealing with these symptoms worried about what it could be, and now that she knows it's not just Deer fucking with her, she's extremely worried
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
On her own, she's been worrying about what it could be and why it's happening. She already has the feeling that she's dying. She can't 100% back that up with evidence, but she does feel it.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
But there in lies the problem.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Why is it happening? Is there nothing she can do to change that? To get better? Is she just going to keep fading away slowly and there's nothing she can do to stop it? (the answer is yes.) She's so afraid of what's to come and what's happening, but it conflicts with her "I don't want to worry my friends"
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
But this also devolves into a series of other concerns.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Anybody who would have known about this back home is now dead and long gone. There's nobody she could ask, even if she was still back home.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So is this one of the causes of deaths that happened back home? people slowly dying like this? At the time they were already facing starvation from lack of food and the Cadavers killing everybody. If it wasn't them, it was because people spent too much time fighting each other for stupid reasons. It wasn't something that was easy to say "yep, it's this"
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
By the time people would have noticed, the population has already thinned out considerably.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So now you have Mirai dealing with this and already worried about being cursed or some stupid shit like that. As if people getting close to her are destinied to die because of how things tended to work out back home and even here (Madoka dropping). This is 100% not the case, but I've realized over time that she's got really... no self esteem?
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And this is just a product of "your OC takes life of it's own and develops in ways you never would have guessed" which is the fun part of playing OCs
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She has a lot of CWs obviously, but she's so used to not seeing really many people alive anymore that it's really difficult for her to accept compliments. Not because she neccessarily hates herself or anything like that, but she's so focused on saving people that she doesn't think much about herself. It doesnt matter if she's in pain, she's still going to
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
push herself to try to save everybody else because that's important to her.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So she's not willing to say stuff like "there's nothing good about me" it's more just... "I'm too busy worrying about everybody else to properly take care of myself"
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
but from the time when she's had reletives tell her that she's cursed and that it's her fault, somewhere deep down she's started to believe that.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
SO NOW
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
caps to sort of split things up without splitting up??
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
This comes into play that she's having a hard time with everything and conflicting feelings tha tit's hard for her to really accept what's going on.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
It's not that she refuses to talk about this stuff, but she does make it a habit to avoid talking about herself, so it's a little contridictary and very complicated
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
But now she has to wonder if this was all going to happen (it was) and that all this time there was no way out of this. There was no way to avoid this. For someone who's heavily reliant on her lingering hope, it's getting a lot harder to keep her head up and cling to that hope.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So where she's at right now is that her hope is faltering, but she's aggressively trying to convince herself that there's still something she can do, just like her believe that she can somehow save her home
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Even though deep down, she knows that there's probably no way to save her home. Considering her magic relies on hope, if she lets herself succumb to these feelings, she'll fall apart.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She has always been a glass house and it's even more clear now that she's hanging on by a thread. Not just health but mentaly as well.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR CHAPTER 2
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She's going to push herself without a doubt to try to do what she can. Seeing Deerington fall apart like this is causing a lot of anxiety because it's really remincent of her home and she really hates it.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
she desperately wants to be useful
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Once she comes back for Ch2, she's going to realize that she's 100% okay. Her magic works perfectly fine now without any complications. She no longer feels any of these symptoms that she's been feeling for months, but at a cost.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She is going to know that this is going to just repeat. She's going to eventually get this way again. She's eventually going to degrade the same way as she did before and that's going to tax her heavily.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I've been thinking about this over time and while I'm glad it gives her more to work off of, it also means it's going to change the way she is a little bit. Not neccesarily because of her symptoms now but because she now knows what's going to happen.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She's going to be trying to be more proactive about doing something good with her life there and... uh... Basically push herself that much harder than before.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
The thing that's going to be happening probably is that she'll start to wonder if she should use magic at all. Is home just destined to die? If you know Madoka, think Homura realizing that no matter what she does, she will not be able to save Madoka. Madoka was an inspiration but I didn't want to borrow too many aspects from it.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She's going to have a breakdown at the start of Ch 2.. So there's going to be a time where she loses hope and direction as to what she should do. She probably won't give up 100% or anything, but she's not going to really know what to do. It's going to be a lot of self-reflection.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And with no hope right away, that means that her magic is not going to work at all. She's going to be cut off until she can pick herself up again. (so it's not gone forever, just for the moment.) That's probably going to be frustrating on top of everything, but something to just deal with.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So she's still going to use her magic and probably recklessly at times, but she's going to want to learn how to fight using a weapon or something so that she doesn't have to worry about using her magic more than she needs to.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Normally she wouldnt really feel the need to worry about her magic usage, but now's a different story.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Importantly, she's going to just being going through a hard time and it's going to affect how she deals with things here.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She's going to have to think about a lot of things that will tax her mentally
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I had some more thoughts while at work, but I'm sure they'll come back to me.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
She's really just scared and may come to the point she says "I'm not okay" which is a huge deal for her, coming from the girl who will swear up and down that she's fine when she's not.
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
I think thats most of my thoughts?
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Basically it's sort of.... like a new game plus in a way because she's going to come back okay again, but still have the memories and worries from before
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And that's big IMO honestly. she's going to change a little I think and I think it's going to be really good development for her