So my thumb hurts because I managed to stab dried pizza dough under the nail while doing dishes. I need to come up with a better story for this injury than that.

Torture by the CIA?

OUCH, don't do that it hurts

It was very much NOT MY INTENT

do you need to be bubblewrapped

Yeesh!

There was an assassin cleverly disguised as a pizza. You bravely fought them off, managing to suffer only that injury in the scuffle

Alternatively, the old standby, "You should see the other guy"