Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So today is hitting hard for no particular reason...
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I mean... There is a reason why I've been so down lately but it's not the main reason today?? Idk
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Like I want to say there's no particular reason but technically it would be the main reason and I'm sort of in this mind state of.... I don't know what the problem directly is....
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So tldr I've talked about feeling left behind in a way like.... I ruin all of my friendships by something I do or me being me and I don't know what the direct cause of it is so I don't know what to do to try to be better about it
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Everytime I try to ask the people I'm worried about if I'd done anything to push them away or anythingike that, I keep getting met with "you're not doing anything like that. I've just been busy" or something like it... But then I see like things of 2 of my friends hanging out all of the time and talking and hanging out when I was told "I've been busy"
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Just tell me if I offended you somehow or you dont want to hang out or something please....
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Because when I see you having a good time with this other person and you haven't spoken to me or hung out for a week or two it does not come off as "you haven't done anything wrong"
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And I'm still left in the dark wondering if I'm just not someone people want around
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Ik some people have mentioned its probably just drifting away from each other but usually there are clear enough signs for that as to why you drifted and I don't know what they are right now
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Like it's even worse that these two are my best friends so it hits a lot harder to feel left behind...
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And part of me says... Just let them go. There's nothing you can do about it now. But Im so tired of letting go and giving up too early
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But it's not just this friendship that has me thinking like that
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I'm in this mind space that I just want to give up on everything
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Friendships, streaming, rp, hobbies.... Like... The feeling of "what's the point...? You're a fuck up anyway. Nobody is expecting anything good from you anyway"
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Which I know is not true and all in my bad brain but even knowing it does not make fighting it easy
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How do I fight feeling like a useless piece of shit and keeping myself from giving up on everything I liked doing too soon? I know I'd regret it if I did it afterwards....
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So I want to fight but I'm also so tired...
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It's hard to keep fighting these bad thoughts...
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And now I've been like... My motivation has been iffy for a while now and I should give up on rp but every time I did that I regretted it...
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
So my next thought was to just... Maybe go on hiatus from it and just doing things that are chill for a while to see if that helps
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But I'm sitting here like... But Deer ends next month for ch 1 anyway. I should just wait until after then and then maybe do it.
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But today now I just find myself spacing off for no reason, feeling like shit mentally and very tired as a result... But not like actually physically tired
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And like I just wanna cry for no reason...
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I don't want to be here and work... But again it's not a "I don't wanna work because I hate this place" or anything... It's just "I don't want to do anything right now"
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I hate this
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I hate feeling like this
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I hate feeling like nothing I do will ever be good enough and why should I bother anymore
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I hate feeling being a flake and not being productive... In rp or RL stuff, but can't push myself to feel better either
𝔤𝔩𝔬𝔡𝔢𝔩𝔩
i'm sorry 
and i kind of feel you on the friend part, one of my best friends apparently suddenly decided she hated me and blocked me everywhere two years ago and never said anything so i still... don't really know what happened...
and i kind of feel you on the friend part, one of my best friends apparently suddenly decided she hated me and blocked me everywhere two years ago and never said anything so i still... don't really know what happened...
𝔤𝔩𝔬𝔡𝔢𝔩𝔩
it really sucks
ωнιтє ℓιgнтηιηg
I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly like this, and I'm a newbie on your timeline but for what it's worth I'm excited to get to know more about you and chat and such! I think we all fall short of our expectations sometime and if you need a break take it
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Yeah... It's hard... I've had a few close friendships just randomly end so ik the logical thing is think "not all friendships last forever and this stuff happens" but its happened enough that I can't help but think it's more of a me thing than just life...
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
And with no clue as to what it is I can't do anything about it but watch it slip away....
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I'm very excited to have you around (both of you really). My thing is like... The logical thing is to just take a hiatus but Deer is at a pivotal point and Mirai has some important stuff going on... And hugs really isn't super active anyways so there's really no excuae
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
Maybe if Deer wasn't ending ch 1 next month I'd take a week off or longer but idk if I should now...
𝔤𝔩𝔬𝔡𝔢𝔩𝔩
personally i tend to have a really hard time getting back into things after hiatuses... if that's a concern for you, you can always just step back for a day or so without doing anything official and see how you feel then
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See thats my other worry
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Im just sort of in this rut of I need to be more active but my MH and motivation kind of tie together and it's hard to pauh myself to do things... And when I do I end up giving shitty tags to work with and I feel worse so I just don't do anything...
Sσиg øf Hσρe ♪♫
But on the flip side I feel like every time I've outright took a Break from games I always regret it and miss it
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So it's sort of like... What do I do?