I was good and didn’t engage in the vet discussion, because I could feel the “you’re getting angry, but the things you’re getting angry about are only, barely, tangentially related to the thing they’re talking about. So take it to your own yelling space”. But I have to vent about the garbage that’s been going on with the pets.
So short story, I had to give up my fish of over a decade of ownership because I knew it was the best thing to do, and the cats need a starter checkup at least. I never owned cats because I’m poor and I didn’t feel it was responsible, but! These are my roomie’s therapy cats.
Roomie had a well and proper therapy dog but mom has a fear of dogs, and a full grown husky is too big for our mere 950 sq feet of apartment, so they were fostering the pup elsewhere. And made the devastating choice to ask that family if they wanted to keep the dog, because said family fell in love with her.
So giving up the cats would be damn near impossible without roomie having a complete breakdown. BUT. This is fucking Marin, where despite everyone treating pets better than people who are poor, there’s no poor-people vets.
There is no insurance that we can afford Vip pet care doesn’t do full service Marin humane society only offers one 500$ aid and “a single blood test would wipe that out in this area”.
So we’ve been completely stuck, with me going “oh god stay healthy cats, PLEase PLEASE PLEASE”. And tackling the pet maintenance, despite my roomie saying they’ll help. Because, you know, that thing where they nearly died and have been recovering, and that thing where mom is still recovering from her surgery.
And now I have a hamstring/osteoarthritis and can’t get in to clean the litter box. (In fact the ONLY reason we solved the flea problem was that we spent some of the inheritance money to get the cats to the groomer for a professional flea treatment, and that we were lucky our recent vacuuming/laundry had got the rest of the little flea bastards.)
But now simba’s been a sneezy boy for a few weeks and we’re like. IS IT ALLERGIES, IS IT SOMETHING SERIOUS? WHO KNOWS BECAUSE WE CAN’T AFFORD THE UBER FARE, MUCH LESS THE COST TO STEP INSIDE A VET. LET’S JUST HOPE THESE RESPIRATORY PET TREATS THE VIP PETCARE PERSON SUGGESTED WORK.
And I feel angry and cheated, because look. I was good, I kept myself from expensive animal companionship, even though it helps my mental health, because I knew I couldn’t afford it.
But now I get saddled with all the fucking value judgement from every goddamn pet owner in Marin who’s like “well if you couldn’t afford one…” Like I was some goddamn asshole who couldn’t afford to tip, but still went out to a fancy restaurant for dinner.
THESE GODDAMN LOVABLE FUZZBALLS ARE THERE TO HELP MY ROOMATE. I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS SHIT. PERHAPS IF SOMEONE ON SSDI NEEDS A THERAPY ANIMAL, IDONNO SSDI SHOULD HELP THAT PERSON BE ABLE TO AFFORD SAID ANIMAL.
Like holy shit the stuff I got when I was rehoming my fish was awful. “oh it only costs this much for this filter setup! Just do that!” “you should buy this filter setup instead!” “you need to get him a tankmate and more plants!” “have you tried a gofundme?” “talk to the humane society!” and about a handful of concern-trolling “well why did you have him?"
eventually I goddamn lost it and went “that’s not the problem, that’s also not the problem, he ate those (the plants, the cleaning crew? Yes), I do but it’s mainly to PAY BILLS. They don’t take fish, and lastly BECAUSE SOMEONE DUMPED HIM INTO THE TANK AT MOM’S WORK AND HE WAS RESCUED FROM THERE AFTER THE FILTER DIED/THE SCHOOL REFUSED TO PAY FOR A NEW ONE”
Like my current gofundme even mentions the cats, I’m fucking trying here. But everyone I call or talk to doesn’t have any answers, and at best goes “I know it must feel bad but we can’t help”.
And I don’t say this because vets don’t need my garbage on them. They don’t need any single ounce more of additional stress. But inside some little hair trigger snaps, and I think oh really? Have you been where I am? Don’t say you know what it feels like if you haven’t been there, that I just need to get insurance/carecredit I can’t afford. Because again
I didn’t ask to be poor. I didn’t ask to take on animals that were out of my budget, I didn’t ask for personal calamity and pandemics to nosedive any chances of me getting a job into the ground, I didn’t ask that the only roommate we could get happened to have emotional support animals (that they ended up leaving me to deal with).
I didn’t ask to be flung from the navy base in ‘98 and get stuck in the middle of heartless yuppietown. AND I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS FUCKING BROKEN, PAINED BODY THAT CAN’T EVEN RELIABLY HELP OTHER LIVING BEINGS.
I’m just tired of being judged for trying my best and it not being good enough. And I’m tired of the constant guilt that I’m failing someone who needs me, again.
both the cats were snuggly little lumps on my bed and i kept being like. they don't deserve this situation. they deserve someone who can take care of them. They look healthy now but what if there's some larger issue under the surface that I'm missing?
i want that basic bitch dream of just being able to pack the cats up and go to the vet like a normal person for a checkup, and not have to worry about if the cost is going to keep me from paying the electricity bill
3 bedrooms, 2 toilets, enough space for everybody, and i don't have to worry about either going bankrupt or letting the pets suffer. that's not too much, is it?
Vip pet care doesn’t do full service
Marin humane society only offers one 500$ aid and “a single blood test would wipe that out in this area”.
DIDN’T
ASK
FOR
THIS