I'm scared. Of everything. I'm scared because I'm shy and anxious. I'm scared because approaching people is high up there on my Worst Fears. I'm scared that people will realised I'm boring and too much to deal with and just... leave.
Now, in my defence, I've had that last thing happen more than enough times for it to now be an overwhelming anxiety of mine. Whether I overshare or come on too strong, or not strong enough, and people just... dump me because I'm not OTT HAPPY all the time.
Why make friends who are just going to run at the first sign of the Real Me? That sometimes I'm not okay and sometimes I struggle and sometimes I need reassurance... But I never take without giving.
Anyway, back to rp. I desperately want to talk to people. To chat them up about plots and cr and threads and characters or just shoot the shit for the hell of it.
But whenever I try... I panic and lose my nerve. "Why would they want to talk to me?" my brain asks. "Who the hell do you think you are, thinking they want anything to do with you?" Ah, yes, you're right, Brain. Brain knows best.
I am insecure about my writing as well. I try my hardest to write as well as I can. I know I mess grammar up sometimes and spelling and there are SO MANY RULES you have to follow, and I don't follow them all.
if it helps to like. have it explicitly said, you're always willing to come chatter at/to/with me about stuff? I might not necessarily be super canon familiar but I like hearing people talk about things they're excited about!
In fact, I straight up feel like people are judging me. It's a state of paranoia that I struggle with on the daily. The idea that people are talking about me behind my back, or hate me, or laugh at me.
That people hate my characters and want nothing to do with them. That their castmates hate them and want nothing to do with them because I play them so badly.
Un(t)sundered
haha it's sweet you do that. But that's something else that sends me into a mess. Making the first move. I appreciate it though and I'll definitely try!
My writing is my biggest insecurity... But also my greatest strength. I TRY. You're literally getting the very best I can offer you. While it might not be someone elses idea of THE BEST, it's my best. More often than not I can be proud of that fact!
Same with my rping and characterisation. While I might have my own ideas of a character that might differ from someone elses, I do my best with them. I try my hardest to flesh them out, to make them a 'whole' rather than just the sum of their parts. I like to make them grow as characters and delight in watching that happen.
You really do that well! Your characterization! Also I am glad I learned the secret to dealing with you is to cling until you get the message I'm not going to go anywhere
ADAPTABLE! ... Whoa. Can't come back with that after I say I'm easily distracted, but I remembered what I was gonna say.
I feel like I can adapt quite quickly to some things. I also have a knack for being able to pick up characters I am canonblind about and play them. Research them up one way and down the other, but thats a skill I don't use much.
I'll get to everyone's plurks later and tell you all why you're amazing. But right now, lets delve into why I'm not~
I desperately want to talk to people. To chat them up about plots and cr and threads and characters or just shoot the shit for the hell of it.
I feel like I can adapt quite quickly to some things.
I also have a knack for being able to pick up characters I am canonblind about and play them. Research them up one way and down the other, but thats a skill I don't use much.