I'm thinking about setting up some sort of 'technically public but you need a password to open it' mood journal to talk to my therapist, since the clinic doesn't allow you to send things directly digitally. Because I need to talk about this with my therapist but I have the emotional object permanence of a particularly dull rock.
I think that one of the things I hate is that I can never promise "I'll be beter next month. I'm sorry" about anything because... I can't promise I'll be okay enough to do ANYTHING in the near future.
Like, thankfully I've currently got a hyperfocus project I can work on in my down time when I can't use games to distract me (though I wish the focus were a little less... Singular. It's great that I have a creative thing I can do! Less great that I can't tag, and couldn't even if there were character overlap.)
which is a good sign that once I'm not hyperfocusing so hard, I should be able to hop right into tagging. But what if my dysphoria (which seems to be at fault for the drop from 'bad' to 'hahaha like FUCK am I getting anything done that does not being me IMMEDIATE joy') gets worse? Or what if I get a major trigger pulled?
I have no fucking consistency to give other people except 'I will probably forget to do this thing if not remminded like six times' which is, for the record, not what I want to be about.
(Okay. People tell me I am consistent in my kindness, but like. That's... Not enough. Kindness is not enough. If kindness were enough I wouldn't have nearly half as bad of an abandonment issue thing going on :^) Kindness is just not enough.)
Boop boop... Sorry I'm basically non-existent again. Depression is kicking my ass yet again. I'll try to get some tags out soon!