[mh][mute]

well, guess it's that time again. Where just about everything feels like a goddamned miserable farce.

my entire goddamned life feels...fake. constructed. To an extent it was, considering the abuse and isolation that it was created under.

but

but then again, considering how my response has been to go all-in on fiction, I don't even know. Reality feels fake, but it feels like that sort of fake that goes between crappy and uncanny valley without warning

hell

how much of me is real

I mean, I'm real in the sense that I physically exist

but

me as a person.

how much of it is what I actually am, how much of it is simply a construct from either the fabricated existence I've been thrown through, or my rejection of certain societal norms.

so, here's the thing about personalities that is both fun and an existential nightmare: they're all like that

if you are sitting there wondering if your personality is nothing but the sum of the bullshit experiences you've had and reactionary measures against it, that's all anyone's personality is. so, bad news, life is a terrifying hellscape of uncertainty. good news: you are yourself, and there's value in that, and--

if you dislike yourself, you can in fact change things, because personality is as much conscious decisionmaking as it is a collection of learned behaviors.

turns out you're not locked into any class or stat picks at chargen because there weren't any! congrats.