hmmm....sad for no reason

i've been trying to get better over the past while but it's so hard to stop my endless cycle of coming home and sleeping and simply laying in bed with no motivation until like...2 hours before i sleep

maybe not even 2

pandemic rly fucking me up

not being able to visit my siblings for almost an entire year is not doing my mental health any favors

count attempting to avoid my father at any given opportunity and even work feels more stressful

tired of...family drama...tired of being tired

if i have to listen to my grandmother come in to the store and tell me i should come visit and see my dad one more time might snap in the cracker aisle

some part of me does feel bad and guilty i have no desire to see my new sister but also going to see her requires dealing with my dad, his wife, and my grandma guilting me in some way over not visiting as much and i am on the Verge enough as it is

'you could call him he's feeling down over something' i am down 24/7 because he is a terrible father and maybe he should muster the balls to call me instead if he wants to talk...just a hot thought

outside of christmas obligatory facetime pretty sure he has not spoken to me in person or via text since last june. his wife texted me for a christmas list, he did not

my spine is nonexistant so i might have to just borrow someone else's and beat my family drama to death with it

anyway

i cannot talk family i am writing stupid little boys on the internet

need the weather to change so i can inject serotonin into my veins via going for a walk to the ice n burger hut

doing tags with a bag of curly fries really will make all the difference

don't feel bad or guilty. he could make the effort too, and chooses not to, and you not wanting to have to deal with a terrible dad is you trying to help or protect yourself

signed, someone who hasn't spoken to their terrible dad in like ten years

The older generation doesn't understand boundaries or found family the way we do. You are valid and justified in setting boundaries that make you feel safer and you do not owe anyone anything, especially a parent. They chose to be a parent (and, seemingly in yours, mine, and hers, failed or un-chose it). You did not choose to be their child.

But also gentle noogie because I haven't seen my siblings in a long time either.

;-; u both are lovely...thank you.... I rly needed this after yesterday