It's Just Deca
[venting abt trans stuff again bcuz that's my life]
It's Just Deca
I'm just sitting here thinking like
It's Just Deca
how do you do it. when you are so poor
It's Just Deca
when you can't really afford the phone bill, nevermind getting a therapist
It's Just Deca
and I've been struggling a lot with envy recently because I'm 31. I've known i was trans since i was 20 and i got binders and packers and i cut my hair and shit
It's Just Deca
but i can't afford to see a therapist to get on hrt and i can't pass without chest surgery
It's Just Deca
i just can't. my boobs are legitimately the size of my head, and I've tried binding in every way
It's Just Deca
my voice is too high. my fat sits on me in a feminine way but not even in a cute way so I'm not
It's Just Deca
i just don't understand how someone, multiple someones, most people I've seen seem to transition or at least begin transitioning properly within a year and i guess I'm just so fkin dirt poor
It's Just Deca
I'm so tired
♥ 不死的黑蛇 ♥
gd that really sucks
♥ 不死的黑蛇 ♥
chicago actually has incredible free resources thanks to the presence of Howard Brown, which is obviously amazing for people here, but only makes me more frustrated when it’s clear how rare it is
It's Just Deca
i only live 3 hours from Chicago but fuck if I'd be able to make the trip with any regularity
It's Just Deca
been trying to navigate stuff in Madison but i don't know where to start
bluecake
I'm sorry. 
I sympathize.
I sympathize.
crown another
Planned Parenthood in wisconsin has recently started doing gender affirming care
crown another
is there one you can get to?
crown another
Gender Affirming Care they list two here that have the service
crown another
some of the orgs on this list might have ideas of where to start in your area. but planned parenthood tends to be decent for low income situations, so that might be a good place to start if they're reachable for you.
It's Just Deca
i can try the one in madison. The one in portage is eeehhh
crown another
hopefully it works out!
It's Just Deca
hopefully!!! I just. gotta go and see
It's Just Deca
crown another
I'm rooting for you!
I'm rooting for you!
It's Just Deca
ty Tristan
ty Tristan
It's Just Deca
it is so easy to get like. mired in despair
crown another
yeah, I get it. It's hard. I realized early enough that it wasn't legal to do anything yet and those three years were just misery. It's not much, but if I can at least look up starting points I'm happy to do so.
GAYVANGELION
I'm so sorry. I can ask my friends in Madison if they know of any places that offer free HRT or resources if you want ;;
It's Just Deca
mythal: I'll b ok, but if you did ask I'd be grateful
It's Just Deca
i only have one trans friend in Madison but we haven't spoken in awhile and i don't wanna open a convo with that orz
Wolfgirl Winter
HOPEFULLY. I'm so sorry, the state of gatekeeping is so fucking disgusting
It's Just Deca
it's real bad. and like. it's all based around "you might regret this", but no one says that about things like having children
It's Just Deca
especially as an adult, i should be allowed to make these choices for myself, even if i regret it later
Wolfgirl Winter
you think we don't think this shit through excruciatingly over and over and over????
Wolfgirl Winter
it's legit gaslighting like "do you really feel how you think you feel???"
Wolfgirl Winter
YES, GIMME THE GENDER POTION
lotus 龙 wife
the gatekeeping is so bad...
It's Just Deca
like thanks I've already got imposter syndrome
It's Just Deca
"I'm not miserable 24/7 so clearly I'm not really trans, i just cry about it once or twice a month"
lotus 龙 wife
a good chunk of my dissertation research is like, on the creation of these gatekeeping structures/how the fuck they came to be and it's very :|||||||||||||||
It's Just Deca
oh nice! We definitely need to examine that in order to put pressure on the medical community to like
It's Just Deca
back off
Wolfgirl Winter
I haaaate the performative pain
Wolfgirl Winter
and like, feeling like you need to hurt enough to want this
Wolfgirl Winter
and then, if you're transfem or transmasc, you need to arbitrarily feminine or masculine enough to be respectable
It's Just Deca
tbh i feel like there's something. kind of terrible about the idea that we have to prove anything. it should be fine if someone just chooses their lifestyle but we have to fight back with "we can't help it!"
It's Just Deca
and of course i do believe that it's something inherent in us but it shouldn't have to be ya dig
It's Just Deca
if i can choose to have tattoos or other cosmetic surgeries, why not these ones that'd actively help my mental health
Wolfgirl Winter
built into everything is this refusal to believe we are who we say we are without exhausting standards of scrutiny
Wolfgirl Winter
literally why would anybody just pretend to live in a way that undeniably subjects you to enormous difficulties and discrimination
lotus 龙 wife
like, I'm not going to get into it that much here, but the standards of care as they are presented now were pretty much based off the work of the one man willing to help in the 40s-50s+, who was kind of paternalistic and heteronormative and -
lotus 龙 wife
both with a serious shortage of care and in a social atmosphere that like came down hard on "deviancy", so respectability politics came in hard
lotus 龙 wife
they seriously need much more updating than the like, incremental updates that started happening in the 90s.
lotus 龙 wife
but that's like, the root of it.
It's Just Deca
yeah that makes a lot of sense. we have a lot of updating to do in general and i think i hard silage that it can take like 17 years to get knowledge we have put into practice? oof
lotus 龙 wife
(someday I might do a plurk talking about the research I've done on this more in depth. please look forward to it.)
It's Just Deca
i absolutely will!!!
It's Just Deca
i am more of a lurker in most plurks but i love to read about this kind of stuff