CChuuni
Parenting stuff / TMI / possibly trigger-y especially for Moosey.
CChuuni
I said before I would never ever vote for Kamala Harris because she would have put my parents in jail.
CChuuni
So three things 1) Native American families have an exorbitantly high rate of foster care 2) often framed as not abuse explicitly, but certainly "parents are inadequate because [native culture lol] NEGLECT" ie: hunger, (see reservation food deserts) health of parents, and/or running wild
CChuuni
3) this led to the boarding schools being continued even when they were officially closed, and a lot of the Native scoop -- which is basically white and especially Mormon/LDS families adopting native children and further erasing the culture/lineage ties and any possibility of even tracing bloodlines etc. etc.
CChuuni
All my siblings have been in foster care.
CChuuni
Luckily thanks to more recent laws, Moosey and Luffy-bro were with family: aunt & grandparents instead of other families
CChuuni
This is because when my Dad got sick, it fell into a messed up place for all things
CChuuni
The only reason I wasn't put in foster care was sheer luck, and rage. My health was bad but I was such a workaholic that I skipped grades, could have 63 days absent and still have straight A+s and I made it very very VERY clear to my social worker/lawyers that I would under no uncertain terms cooperate with anyone BUT my parents.
CChuuni
Moosey didn't have that chance. By the time he started getting sick, he was NOT an A+ student, he had ADHD (I don't) and his literal 164/167 (he and I get confused on which of us is which) genius IQ lies in music and people and art and literally the stuff I suck at, but which schools don't give you much points for being good at 
CChuuni
When I was 16 my health was fucked. I'd started struggling worse in high school because my allergies were worse, which made my migraines worse, which made me unable to sit through a fucking neon lights coffee + perfume + construction chemicals + whiteboard markers classroom and try not to puke. Especially first thing in the morning
CChuuni
I got in a car accident, which was on its own nbd, but after a fucked up violent fight with my abuser, they purposely hit my neck until I was partially paralyzed. So when I say I can pull up the hospital receipts of injuries they did to me? YEAH I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. That resulted in 2 weeks paralysis, which was soul crushing not because I was dead on the
CChuuni
couch, but because I had the part of Polonius in Hamlet and I was one of the ONLY freshman to be given such an important part and I was devastated at missing it.
CChuuni
Many lessons learned.
CChuuni
Many.
CChuuni
I had physical rehab that entire spring, and trained my back muscles to be STRONG AS FUCK 
CChuuni
But even so, my health was still getting worse and no idea why, and when I was 16, my parents were so desperate they put me in Boston hospitalization for a month
CChuuni
Which was a traumatic bootcamp experience
CChuuni
The Doctors told me the pain was imaginary, I could do whatever I wanted so long as I just kept pushing harder.
CChuuni
Pain is a warning sign
CChuuni
That was very cruel of them. I think they believed it, but they were mistaken.
CChuuni
Obviously I fucked myself up a lot.
CChuuni
Because I desperately wanted that to be true.
CChuuni
And I can't say I didn't learn anything, I have the most hardcore pain tolerance of anyone I know. But to say that's "dangerous" doesn't do it justice.
CChuuni
I kind of just shrug when doctors now get exacerbated with me for "not taking my health seriously enough."
CChuuni
I was trained to dismiss everything and literally believe it was fake.
CChuuni
I have a tough time even knowing/acknowledging my allergies until I'm vomiting blood.
CChuuni
I was stubborn before, I got a lot worse.
CChuuni
So without the pain to impede me there was only one thing left that could: paralysis. I reached the point of full body collapses, on the floor, TRYING DESPERATELY TO GET UP
CChuuni
And the best part was
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I was so fucked up I kept telling myself I just didn't want it hard enough.
CChuuni
Worse than Tiana from Princess & the Frog
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And the second best part
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I didn't tell my parents because they were so torn up what to do
CChuuni
They wanted to get me to school
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they knew that the claims I just didn't like school couldn't be more opposite
CChuuni
They tried everything
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They were desperate
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They were threatened with a LOT of things
CChuuni
The only reason my parents sent me there was to get me into a hospital so the school HAD to give me a tutor -- in theory. LEGALLY. They didn't in practice, but it didn't matter, I pulled the curriculum and did it all myself so that I didn't fall behind. lol.
CChuuni
But when Moosey got sick, he couldn't even use the "Straight A student, genius who skipped grades, give him a tutor and he'll run circles around you" card, so they took my parents to court, sent Moosey into foster care, claimed my Mom had munchausen by proxy, and I saw my Dad cry for the first time ever.
CChuuni
Luffy-bro got lyme from being native american and therefore spending as much time as possible in New England swamp-woods.
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Only they don't like to call it lyme or anything and so everyone, even my Dad, thought he just had depression.
CChuuni
Luckily one of MY doctors was like "Nooooo he definitely doesn't." and tested and treated him etc.
CChuuni
But by the time he was supposed to be a junior in high school, he could barely make it to class, so FWOOM foster care get.
CChuuni
My abusive sibling has been in foster care since they were first hospitalized and they are a case of "it's really good sometimes?"
CChuuni
When I got an ulcer, I remember aside from vomiting daily, No Child Left Behind made it such that they had to have 95% attendance rates and
CChuuni
I was an easier target than the druggies
CChuuni
The day I was going in for my endoscopy, I went to school to pick up my homework, and the school VP and nurse literally tried to physically drag me back into the building despite me explaining "I'm going for an endoscopy!?"
CChuuni
THAT mental.
CChuuni
The only reason I am working on fixing economics is because I started off trying to fix education.
CChuuni
To do that you have to fix government. To do that you have to fix economics, and once you do that, you save the world.
CChuuni
Kamala Harris believed the best way to deal with truancy was to go after the parents
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Just like the prosecutor in my parents' district.
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Who also decided my Dad is abusive (he's not) because my Mom was abused as a child and obviously all abusers must be men (my abusive sibling was a woman and the reason I couldn't express adequately that they were abusing me)
CChuuni
I've gone hungry, I've never been upper middle class. I'm pretty sure the only reason my Dad & me & Moosey got sick is environmental racism (we used to live in Philly in a pretty messed up place and which now has high rates of our illness HMM)
CChuuni
My parents are beyond important to me.
CChuuni
They didn't always believe me. They didn't always believe ANY of us lol. It's easier to assume your kid is faking it to get out of school than to treat MYSTERY illness for sure
CChuuni
So I've no doubt that that certainly colors my view in favor of "ILLNESS IS WORSE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE" but also.... it is.
CChuuni
I stopped being able to do ANY schooling the sicker I got. I can't physically do coding classes. I WANT TO. THE DESIRE EXISTS. THe motivation, the willpower, the health does not.
CChuuni
My parents would have done anything to protect me from this if they could have.
CChuuni
They didn't try to protect me from the school and etc. because they didn't know how. There ISN'T really a WAY for that right now.
CChuuni
Which is why I have to fix it.
CChuuni
I didn't care if I died before Jan 2020. I kind of half welcomed it as a relief from everything. "Death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain" - Wheel of Time
CChuuni
But when I came out of my coma my Dad was so messed up by it. My Mom knew I had my MISSION (trademark!) and believes 100% God is keeping me here to do it etc. So she was serene, if scatter-brained (ADHD) but my Dad was -- I have never seen him so scared.
CChuuni
Not even when he cried about Moosey. He was abused as a kid by his dad, he has PTSD, and he has to be in therapy and on meds, and has since I was like 5, right after the army
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but he and I are kind of... stupidly alike. When I was REALLY young, and first started getting migraines, people thought it was because I wanted to be like him :|||| srsly -_-'
CChuuni
But we game together, politics, etc. and share a birthday and he apparently just spent hours holding my hand while I was unconscious for days
CChuuni
And indeed, when I had my freak out, he stayed with me 36 hours until I was calmed down and had slept and was no longer delirious (literally)
CChuuni
Even though that's WICKED hard on him physically he said it was important and worth it etc.
CChuuni
He cared SO MUCH MORE about my life than I did.
CChuuni
That really just shook me. And made me get my act together. That no matter what I have to outlive him because he doesn't deserve to be that scared EVER AGAIN.
CChuuni
So no. With all that... how can I POSSIBLY let people suffer like this when all I have to do is screw up my courage enough to just be honest. TO SAY SOMETHING?
CChuuni
I don't think I'll ever forget his face of fear + relief + all the rest
CChuuni
He still did the classic thing
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Like when I was scared at seeing him collapsed on the living room floor so he pretended he just wanted to be there and invited me to color D&D maps with him
CChuuni
Of making a joke of it and "You probably wonder why you lost 8 days, WELL CC, when MOST people have 95% mucus in their lungs, they call it drowning, but noooo CC decides it's normal, and also not excitement enough!"
CChuuni
But I can't forget his fear
CChuuni
What kind of person would I be to just ignore the dangers when I know firsthand the worst that it can get?