In light of Things revealed in the last book I'm starting a reread and doing live plurks so here's an emote to follow/block! And with that, kicking off a liveplurk for Rosemary and Rue
...okay so Toby has clearly always been an Ass person since she mentions that Cliff has a great butt and she mentions that A LOT with Tybalt (altho Tybalt does wear tight breeches a lot so)
...and gods the mention of him being able to 'tolerate six hours of Sesame Street' bc of course Toby loves how much he loves Gilly thanks to her own upbringing and yes ofc she has Daddy Issues hwo could she not but MAN THIS IS GONNA BE A ROUGH RIDE
'Gilly said she wanted me to call and tell you how much she loves you' GODS GIVEN HOW MUCH GILLY DOESN'T WANT A THING TO DO WITH HER LATER THE FACT TOBY AT LEAST GOT TO GET THAT FROM HER LITTLE GIRL BEFORE SHE WENT INTO THE POND AND LOST 14 YEARS AND
'A little girl who braided dandelions in her hair was missing' gods eveyr mention of little Raysel before she had her childhood stolen from her and came back to a family and society that had no way how to help her fix her damage
'the more powerful someone is the less time they spend looking for small magic' mmmm I love the repeated mentions that one of the biggest faults of purebloods is how they consider changeling magic too small to pay any mind and so they often don't notice it until it's far too late
CHAPTER 1 gods the Ludieag-Toby-doesn't-know-is-the-Ludiaeg much less her aunt telling Toby to have a good night when she's playing human checkout girl at Safeway not just bc the Ludiaeg knows who she is but bc the Ludiaeg isn't nasty to customer service people!
also the Ludiaeg buying 6 pints of Ben and Jerrys and a case of diet coke bc WHEN YOU'VE BEEN ALIVED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS YOU APPRECIATE BEING ABLE TO GET ICE CREAM WHEN EVER
I'd chosen this store specifically because it was so far away from the likely haunts of the people I'd known in my other life. I hadn't considered some of them might come looking for me THIS AS ONE OF EHR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS WHO IS MARRIED TO ANOTHER IS TRYING TO GET HER TO COME SEE THEM AND THE KIDS AND TOBYYY
YOU FOUND FAMILY STILL LOVES YOU. yes your fiance and child believe you ditched them and that's awful but SOME PEOPLE KNOW THE TRUTH AND WANT TO HELP YOU but ofc your mother and so many purebloods did so much damage to you that it didnt' take much to make you believe it's not worth making attachments
There's nothing wrong with having a few monsters in the shadows. They keep me remembering what it is that I'm walking away from. My name does the same thing, and that's why I've never changed it to something more normal. My mother was what she was, and I am what she made me [...] She was a loon, even then, and I miss her. OH GODS IF YOU ONLY KNEW TOBY.
remembering that at this point Toby has still repressed that Amandine took away her ability to have stronger magic, to be more than a 'weak' blooded changling, along with other things, nnnnngh
...how did I ever believe Tybalt was actually doing the 'pulling a girl's pigtails bc he likes her' and not 'he's a cat he flirts differently he thinks threatening to sneak up on you more often to give you a thing to look forward to is endearing'
altho all of his snide comments about 'swimming' and the pond are...less endearing here. but Seanan does admit he wsn't supposed to be Toby's endgame romance at this point,he was just supposed to be here for this scene but like the cat he is he just refused to leave and Seanan realised he was flirting and hiding damage so
The cat winked and stood, slinking over to rub against my ankles...that being how Tybalt leaves this scene suuure makes it clear that he had no intention of never being in contact with Toby again no matter what his author wanted hooo boy.
CHAPTER 2 'So you are the Lady Daye?' Eyes on the door, I said 'It was Sir Daye, when it was anything at all' I love how even when Toby is trying to ignore Faerie, she demands her real title be used bc she earned it dammit
'Tell him [Sylvester] I appreciate him thinking of me, but I'd appreciate it even more if he'd stop.' gods Toby. it's understandable why you want to distance yourself from him given what happened, bc you can't believe he could forgive you what happened to Luna and Raysel thanks to how much your mother fucked you up but fuck
'The dreams always start in the same place, and they always start so kindly, with a sunny kitchen in a little house in Oakland, California, and a smiling woman with white-blond hair baking cookies like a Donna Reed fantasy come true. My mother. Amandine'
'Amandine was really my mother then [...] We were happy. That's something I try to hang on to. We were happy once. She held me in her lap and brushed my hair; she taught me to love Shakespeare. We were a family. nothing can change that' GODS KNOWING AMANDINE'S TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT TOBY EVEN THEN NOW THIS FUCKING HURTS
...oh knowing now that Sylvesters shaky laugh when bb Toby gave him her name is due to it following thatsideof the family's convention of month names (and since he knows about August and his own dead sister Septmber and uuugh)
gods hearing bb Toby cry 'I'm just like Mommy' when given her Choice, even knowing the other answer would have seen her killed, knowing how her mother would start treating hernopenopenope
'I couldn't fill the hole my father left in her heart, so she never let me try' MAAAAAN being reminded that I used to feel sympathy for Amandine bc Toby had no reason not to believe her mother had loved her father, and then the last few books took that away.
'it doesn't matter where I am, whether I think I'm a woman or fish or something in between. I've never really left the pond. I still can't breathe' HEYYY there ending the chapter very unsubtley yelling 'HEY IF YOU HAVNE'T YET CAUGHT ON TO THE FACT THIS WOMAN HAS PTSD HERE YOU GO'
CHAPTER 3 'Cats never listen. They're dependable that way; when Rome burned, the emperor's cats still expected to be fed on time.' Toby, you're the one who got two Siamese, you have only your self to blame for getting yelled at when it's time for breakfast.
'The fae have always lived with cats [...] We're related in a way, and I don't just mean through the Cait Sidhe. We both tend toward pointed ears, stealing cream, and getting burned alive when the wind changes. It was only natural that we'd form an alliance where both sides said, "I don't need you," and both answered, "You'll still stay."'
'I got the cats so I wouldn't be so lonely. I was starting to reconsider that idea. Maybe lonely was a good thing. Lonely certainly got more sleep. In my blackest moods, I tried to tell myself the increased sleep was the one good thing about losing my mortal family.' uuugh
"I prefer San Francisco," [Evening] said. "The lies are different here. When you've lived as long as I have, you start appreciating new approaches to dishonesty." IF THAT AIN'T THE MOST FAE MINDSET MAN.
"Faerie gold can be used for more than just party tricks; it works pretty well on the stock market, for example, where money's an illusion anyway." mmmm gods I always forget how many small lines about the Faes nature are sprinkled throughout even the earliest parts.
"The way I retreat into trivial concerns when I'm scared amazes me. All I have to do is get to the point where I'm so panicked I can't see straight, and suddenly the expiration date on the milk is all that matters. I guess that's how my mind protects itself." Toby 'at least 3 mental illnesses born of trauma stuffed into a leather jacket' Daye, everyone.
oh gods I forgot how hard it is for Toby to ride a death at this point (before she knows wahtshe really is, before her blood balance is back to what it should be), and while it's still hard later, man her reaction to riding Evening's death vs the candela in Once Broken Faith, mmmm
'There are a lot of ways to kill the fae. Most of the things that kill humans will kill us-I've yet to meet anyone short of a Manticore that could survive being hit by a train or wouldn't be bothered by losing their head' JUST WAIT LIKE 6 BOOKS TOBY, YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW WRONG YOU ARE.
CHAPTER 5 hahah I forgot that Evening was the noble to support the False Queen's claim she was Gilead's daughter and shit was so chaotic bc it was right after the San Francisco Earthquake that Evening's support was enough for people to let her take the throne , boy does that explain some shit.
"Most of us [changelings] wind up spending the centuries as hangers-on [...] begging for crumbs like puppies until our own mortality catches up with us [...] That's the way the game is supposed to work. Only I've always refused to play by those rules, and it hasn't exactly endeared me to the higher echelons of the nobility." IT ENDEARED YOU TO ME THO TOBY
'I stepped off the rocks and winced as my socks were immediately soakced through with seawater. The night just kept getting better. Now I had bad news to deliver to a powerful woman who didn't like me, a terrible crime to avenge, and wet socks.' look these books punch you in the heart but they are always balanced with moments like that
'A lot of Faerie's children are beautiful, but the Queen takes it past beauty, to the point where beautiful and terrible collide. It's hard to look at her and stay focused on anything but continuing to look at her, making her happy, making her smile for you. It's part of hte reason I don't come near her when I can avoid it. I hate being forced into things'
'Maybe I was addicted to [Devin]; to the way he looked at me, and the way he touched me, and the way he made me feel like I was something more than just another half-breed. He hurt me, but everything I knew told me I deserved it.' GODS EVERY TIME I READ THAT PASSAGE I AM MORE AND MORE HAPPY THAT SHE HAS TYBALT NOW.
'I didn't know any of them, but I recognized them on sight because they were all Devin's kids, and so was I. Our fellowship went deeper than our faces. It went all the way down to our bones' GODS Toby hating going back to Home not just bc of Devin himself but the fact it's going back in time to a place almost as bad as the pond and gods
'All four turned to watch as I entered, an inquiring band of Lost Children studying the grown-up who had wandered into their territory. Maybe I used to be one of them, but they didn't know me. For once, this proof of my escape didn't make me feel any better.' nnnnnngh
"That's right, I am a crazy bitch." while I get Seanan wishing she had Toby use 'crazy' less often in the first few books bc she knows how it hurts some people...Toby claiming it for herself? given everything? I feel that is totally within her rights and in character so
''Up there' So they were still using that charming euphemism for the pureblood holdings in the city, were they? I hadn't liked it when I was living in the changeling slums, and now that I was doing my best to abandon fae society altogether, I still didn't like it. It's not heart to marginalize people when they've already done it to themselves' mmmmm
'"I've never been real fond of paing for my abuse. Most people are willing to hurt me for nothing"' I was lashing out and I knew it, but I didn't care. Evening was dead, the life I'd worked so hard to build was gone, and Home...Home was still where I stopped, and all the old ghosts were waiting. It wasn't fair.' TOBYYY
'Oath breaking is almost expected from a changeling. That's why I've never done it. Sylvester would release me if I asked him, andI never will, because it would just prove all the things that have ever been said about my kind. I might regret my promises, but I keep them'
'I think all kids are hungry for a kind word, not just the lost ones that wind up drifting into places like Home. They all react the same way when they're given the validation they need, locking fear and love together so tightly that they never even notice the moment when they grow up'
'I'd been in their position, and I'd gotten out. From my perspective, they were being used, and from their perspective, I was just a sellout. [...] Maybe there's something to Devin's little sign after all: every time I think I'm free of that place, it finds a way to pull me back in.' NNNNNGH
'Rose goblins are built like porcupines-if you rub them the right way, you don't have to worry about the spines. They're sort of like people in that regard, too'
'One of the desks was practically a shrine to Tinker Bell [..] Every changeling in the world would love to shove her into a microwave, but Disney, alas, is more powerful than most of us could ever hope to be.' ilu Seanan
'When it comes to finding someone you can trust with something no one can know exists, you always turn to the ones you hate' THE FACT SHE THINKS OF TYBALT FIRST MAKES THIS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS NOW.
CHAPTER 10 'You still haven't said why you're coming to me. I'm not the only cat in this city.' 'Because you hate me.' Seeing his confusion, I clarified. 'There's never been any love lost between us, and there probably never will be' HAHAHA
"Luna and her daughter were gone, and then they weren't. Sometimes that's how it works. It's one of the downside of living in a land that sometimes seems like it's based on a children's story" NNNNGH.
'My full title takes far too long to say, and I'm just a knight. When the real nobles get going, it can take hours.' HAHAHA JUST YOU WAIT TOBY (I mean rn she only has two more things added to it buuuut I expect that to change reeealll soon considering. yeah)
I forgot how awful Quentin was to her at first, and why that's part of why his parents agree to him becoming her squire to break him of the pureblood prejudice against changelings while there's still time
'I'd been hiding from Shadowed Hills because[...] I didn't want to see the look in [Sylvester's] eyes when I came creeping back and admitted that I'd failed. But all I saw when I looked at him now was the joy of a friend who's seen something they'd thought was lost come home. '
'The few people I'd spoken to said that Lunda came back a little sadder, a little stranger, but Raysel...came back wrong. Growing up the way she did broke something inside of her, and looking at her now, I began to realize why the whispers said it might never be repaired'
'My manners have always been the first thing to go when I get upset, and some people say that they stopped coming back a long time ago'...more reason I relate to Toby I MEAN
'Warn the purebloods to be careful and they’ll ignore you; warn the changelings and they’ll take notes on the great games you’re suggesting. It’s a miracle we’ve lasted this long' mmmmm
'It can’t all be dreams because a broken dream will kill you as surely as a nightmare will, and with a lot less mercy. At least the nightmares don’t smile while they take you down.' ....boy does that hit 'Toby has really supressed a lot of what Amandine did to her' emotions now.
'I’m sure it’s written somewhere, possibly in Fate’s day planner: “October Daye is never to be given enough time to actually think about what she’s going to do next.”'...I feel u Toby
...how many cars does Toby go through in the first ~6 books bc I know this one bites it here and then the one that exploded in A Local Habitation and I can't remember if the one that got crushed by the fae-rhino-I-can't-spell-name-of survived or not
“Pointy-eared bitch . . .” “Actually, I’m a pointy-eared slut. Only purebloods get to be bitches.” ...and we have another quip that explains why I love her.
Chapter opening with Tybalt telling Toby not to be dead and Seanan still convinced at this point Tybat isn't going to e a romantic interest amuses me to no end
'She was a bitter, resentful, maladjusted kid who grew into an equally maladjusted teenager; it was only natural that we’d become friends the day we met. She had a lot of anger in her, and she knew how to express it. As someone who’d always been better at repression than expression, I envied that.' knowing what happens to this friendship reeeal soon, nnngh
'The Cait Sidhe don’t fall in love often ...]and they never fall in love with changelings if they can help it. It’s easier that way. Falling in love with someone that’s going to get old and die while you live forever isn’t a survival trait, and so they’ve learned to keep their distance . ..but all that means is that when they finally fall, they fall hard.'
UUUGH DEVIN even if I didn't arleady know you were Responsible For So Much Shit Going On, and even before I knew how traumatized Toby was from Amandine, you are SO GROSS
'You should've stuck around, instead of running off to play wi thte purebloods...I told you you'd get soft.' 'I wanted to see what getting soft was like.' 'And the verdict?' 'It was nice.'
'Even her eyes were his. She didn't look a thing like me and I loved her all the more for that' UUUUGH TOBY. I know that isn't just your self-esteem issues (tho it is that) but also you hanging on to the bits of your own appearance that come from your mortal father
I am having to skip SO MUCH of this knowing it's not Gilly (which I had a feeling about een the first time reading it) and knowing WHY Toby is ignoring everything telling her it's not Gilly for as long as she can
'The young changeling had been given time to process all her possible responses to someone smacking her brother aside like a stray dog, and she'd settled on the one that came most naturally. Rage' AND HERE WE SEE THE BITS OF DARE STILL HANGING OUT IN MAY.
'I had to give the girl this much; she might have been an arrogant little brat, but she looked into the face of death and was sincerely unimpressed' WAS THAT AWFUL FORESHADOWING SEANAN.
Something my tone, I said. "If you don't like the way it works [at Home] get off the street. Find yourself someplace else to go." "I'm trying...how did you get away?" I blinked at her. "He's not holding you captive." "If you think that, you got stupid." NNNNNNGH
'We came here because no place else would take us when our mamma died. They all said go away, come back when you're older, when you're better, when you've learned. Only no one wants to teach us how to be older, or how to know better-not even Devin. They just teach us how to be broken.'
'We've heard about everything you've ever done, because you're the one that got away-you're the one that was his, and stopped belonging to him. And I want to know how you did it. Because we're gonna do it, too.' DAAAAREEE
'I'd fallen off a cliff into the ocean with a Selkie, and I'd been worried about drowning. I would've been embarrassed if I hadn't been so tired' fdajldfas.
'I'm a Selkie, remember? We drown people semiprofessionally: I know what drowning looks like. If you think I'm going to believe you inhaled too much water, you must think I'm either blind or stupid. I don't know which is worse.'
'your blood's a bit thinner than I expected. Tried to fix matters on her own, did she?' knowing that Toby has no fucking CLUE why the Luidaeg is saying that, uggggh
'A week of death, iron, and demons, and now my house was being guarded by a mobile rosebush' the fact quips like this only get better as the series goes on, man.
Tybalt trusting Toby when he hands her his clothes soaked both in the blood of the assasin she needs the memories of, knowing she'll inevitably end up seeing something of his memories=HOW DID YOU EVER BELIEVE HE WASN'T HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER SEANAN
'[Marcia's] smile faded, message delivered, and she looked at me with an odd coldness in her bland blue eyes' BOYYYY the more I reread/gets revealed, the more i am convinced Marcia is one of the Queens and I am not sure which one i'm hoping for since I like both her and Stacy who I also think is one.
'The first memories that came were came were flavored with the sweet, sharp taste of pennyroyal [...] 'So she's back again,' said Tybalt's voice in my mind's ears. 'Lost and gone, and now she's come back to us, now she's come back to me'
uuugh toby trying to get Manuel and Dare out of the line of fire since she knows shit is gonna hit the fan and Dare already wanting to protect Toby and fuck I am not ready for this.
'Dare gasped, eye wide with a mixture of awe and terror. When did I become the hero? When did she start looking at me like that? [...]I told myself we'd get out of here alive; I was going to live up to the unspoken expectations in her eyes'
'For the first time, it looked like what it really was: a flop house with a fancy name, where kids who didn't know any better let themselves be abused by someone who should have known better' mmmmngh
'He didnt want anyone else to be here when you came' He sent away everyone one but the two kids I care about. I closed my eyes. Until today, I'd never known that he could be evil.
'I think I may finally be starting to understand what's important. It's all about finding the way home, whever that is. I plan on finding out. I have time'
KNOWING THAT THE REST OF THE SERIES IS ABOUT TOBY BUILDING A NEW HOME AND FAMILY THIS IS THE PERFECT ENDING GODS
'Sylvester would help me if I went to him. Sylvester would insist on being the one to help me, and I couldn't take it. ' TOBYYY
'You still haven't said why you're coming to me. I'm not the only cat in this city.'
'Because you hate me.' Seeing his confusion, I clarified. 'There's never been any love lost between us, and there probably never will be' HAHAHA
“Yes, Toby,”
annnd we see how quickly Toby got to the boy woops
“Actually, I’m a pointy-eared slut. Only purebloods get to be bitches.”
...and we have another quip that explains why I love her.
'I wanted to see what getting soft was like.'
'And the verdict?'
'It was nice.'
"I'm trying...how did you get away?"
I blinked at her. "He's not holding you captive."
"If you think that, you got stupid." NNNNNNGH
'You're a little more normal than I thought you'd be.'
'Of course I am'
UUUGH knowing that the Luidaeg didn't WANT to be Faerie's monster, that her awful sister MADE her into it, uuuugh
'I was close enough for fairy tales' mmmmmmmm
'No Devin, you know a girl who didn't know enough to get away from you.'
G O D S
He sent away everyone one but the two kids I care about. I closed my eyes. Until today, I'd never known that he could be evil.
KNOWING THAT THE REST OF THE SERIES IS ABOUT TOBY BUILDING A NEW HOME AND FAMILY THIS IS THE PERFECT ENDING GODS