/gets off the Zoom call with family whom I do actually love
/instantly slammed with anxiety

my brain is being SO DYSFUNCTIONAL lately

it's decided that having a nice dinner and watching a movie with my parents is a high-stakes event at which I can fail!

that is not remotely true!

I fell full asleep watching last night and they thought it was cute! because they are my parents and they think everything I do is cute!

body why

the call itself was stressful only because of technical difficulties/inability to hear each other clearly; my mom's family is reliably great

I mean it is stressful seeing my grandma so thin and propped up in a hospital bed and unable to speak loudly

but that's just...old people things

I don't know why but in the last month or two my nervous system has decided that relaxing and having fun is a Task at which I can Fail