[mh] uuuooorrrgh brain on fire

i now know that this feeling is RSD-induced anxiety and theres no reason for that to be happening!!!

nothing has happened!!

brain is just on fire!

convinced that i am That Annoying Tagalong in my friendgroups and in the groups i want to be friends with

refusing to let me have stories for myself. my stories are not mine, they are other people's, and it is very hard to go into happy daydream land when my brain wont un-associate things with people and it wants to scream about how no one likes me

it makes it very hard to have creative thoughts with fire every step of the way, but 1. i dont know how to not creative, what else do i even do with myself if i cant even daydream self-indulgent fic-like shit and 2. i miss my fuckin hobbies man

but also! its really hard to reach out and do social hobbies when brain on fire! and when execdys / depression / anxiety make it hard to be consistent and reliable!

and its ALSO! really hard to talk about any of the badfeels! bc i know theyre irrational and i dont want to make anyone else feel bad for them!

and i feel like i just need to knuckle through it until it chills out! but lord it feels bad!

but because i'm doing that, it means the camel's back by default has a lot of straws! so normal responsibilities like doing the dishes and helping out around the house feels like a lot more than they are!

but also my brain is like, "if you're not useful what good are you" and uuuOOORRRGHHH BRAIN ON FIRE

i miss my fizzgig emote. thats the one i really want rn

a gif will do

god i hate this shit

but hey ive been good about fighting bad mental talk. i havent let my brain be too mean to me. so theres that

brain still on fire but now im embarrassed i posted all of this

but as everyone knows, once its on the internet its on the internet forever, no deleting allowed

(i dont like to let myself delete things like this bc... idk... reasons... dont want to encourage brain to do... bad things...)