my executive dysfunction brings you this starter scene from an I/O novelization instead of the first adventure in the adventure path

Isekai/Online Novelization

please let me know what you think

there's an it's instead of its near the end, and it does take a little bit to get into it, but overall it's good!

Dragons Dragons : grammar issues aside what do you think is fat to be cut

I don't think it's quite that, just that the first lines feel like they're supposed to be throwing you right into the middle of the action but it feels like it's stopped for explanation. Maybe having a sentence or two before that like "nothing actually prepares you for giant RPG monsters trying to eat you," then leaving the rest as is?

hnm

honestly, finishing the fight scene and then going "yep, that's me. You may be wondering how I got here" seems like the best solution

because it also sets up the "BEING DEEDEE IS FUCKING AWESOME" throughline

yeah, I liked that a lot!

now expanded to the end of the fight and the aftermath