And then i decided to try and see if there were any polyam apps like how the Pair app used to be a private thing for couples but only got Tinder For Threesomes apps
RIGHT? Like...even if you don't understand how people can have relationships that work that way, if it is working and they're happy, that's it. That is all you (general) need!
But it does get so very tiring and just...idk, it just sucks so often feeling like you have to explain and justify your relationship when it's a 'non-traditional' one.
its especially frustrating when that's their solution to EVERY shipping "rivalry" even when it's not ic for the characters, but they can't possibly imagine real people being able to do it
even if you just like emotionally have trouble reconciling it happening in the real world with how you were taught about relationships growing up, just! be kinder about it!!
the most confused i was ever on the subject is when people opened me up to poly-Vs and such bc for the longest time i always thought of it as "everyone dating each other" but even then it was more just an "oh!" revelation and not like. BUT HOW DOES IT WORK kind of thing
I've had people flat out tell me 'I don't believe you, you're just saying that' when I've said that actually, I have never once, in our years together, been jealous of my partner's other partner.
Also like its okay???? If you cant imagine it????? Bc its not YOUR relationship its not your business!!!! Not everyone has the same ideal relationship............ if they did, relationships would always work out lol
not ot mention it's completely natural in a polyam relationship to experience smaller jealousies in the form of "I wish I could be participating in what my paramour and partner are experiencing right now"
like at some point i was feeling BIG fomo because tey and jaq (just as friends!) found a new thing they loved (overwatch) that I couldn't participate in, and being super into it that was ALL THEY DID for the longest time
and i definitely got jealous, and eventuall had to say "hey is there something we can also do, or something we can all do together as a house? I feel left out a lot because Overwatch is something I can't come play with you guys"
and we resolved it and got into more games together nad now i don't feel that way and no one is hurt because i didn't turn my jealousy into being a big fucking bitch
i also recognize that my partner is allowed to have time with people that aren't me! the problem at the time was just that because it was a new game, it was e v e r y d a y
Oh yeah, absolutely. I was just commenting on something that I've had multiple (pointless, essentially) conversations with extended family about that drives me crazy, re the jealousy thing.
Jealousy on its own is a thing people do experience and that's fine but like. Treating it as a core part of a relationship instead of something to be resolved is the issue I was talking about
and that can happen in ANY relationship, you know i'm the first to want to dunk the 'but really everyone is secretly polyam and it's so much more ENLIGHTENED' bullshit in the trash
but it feels like by virtue of having to communicate more (if you're relationshipping right) it's easier to head that kind of creepy possessiveness off at the pass
Yeah, there are so many really awful social constructs that have been built up around relationships in general that are just accepted as normal aspects of society :/
with so many polyamorous friends we've seen people try to insert themselves in a way to take one partner away from the other and it never turns out well bc it's just hurt feelings all around
like she had issues at work where a woman was loudly and openly talking about fucking her husband and people didn't gaf but then when my friend talked cleanly about both a husband and a boyfriend those same people got uppity
tiring